Shalom everyone,

I am currently Torah observant, however, I come from a non-religious/frum background and, as a result, have been exposed to unfiltered television, images, etc., since childhood - which had me addicted to masturbation at 15.  I was very fortunate enough to have loving parents, a normal upbringing, and had a very happy, wholesome shalom bayis/home life with no shenanigans, B"H.  It was the cable TV that was the problem. 

Throughout the years, even after increasing Torah observance, my addiction and desires increased.  I didn't know any better before becoming observant, however, after I learned about zera l'vatalah, it still didn't stop me to the point that now I have crossed over to the dark side: porn.

I now realize how detrimental this has played in my life and how having these addictions have really taken my life down to a whole new low physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially.  I've seen this mentioned many times during my lurks on this forum and is so true - once you cross over to porn - the images and sounds are next to impossible to get out of your head but not impossible.  I've never been so depressed after I started masturbating and falling to porn.  Period.

So....my nais gadol, (and it's not even Chanukah), is the fact that I have a drive to change.  Most importantly out of this whole thing: to have a positive attitude to beat the living out of the yetzer hara.  It's the right thing to do because I care about my soul in this world and the next. 

I am currently working on deleting my porn accounts as well as installing filters.  (I am looking for some good freeware for now and I eventually will get the paid ones soon.)

I want to thank this forum because with it, we would not have the support we have to overcome this.   Thank you for reading and I hope to post more soon.

-BPositive

Wow. So inspiring to see a guy with your background pull himself up by the bootstraps. 
Welcome to the GYE family and keep posting and staying in touch. With Hashem’s help we will all be matzliach. 

BPositive wrote on 30 Aug 2021 22:44:

From my expirence with filters you get what you pay for. A free filter is definitely better then nothing but really is gonna do much for you... Therr are so many affordable options now days thats its really worth going all the way on this

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha!

I find that techloq is amazing if you dont have apple device.
Its cheaper than the rest

Welcome! You should be zocheh to much success.

If you want to try some things that have helped many others, please see the links in my signature.

Gentech, Teqlock, & Netspark Are Probably From The 3 Best &And Trusted Filters.
!!הצלחה רבה
!!כתיבה וחתימה טובה

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Aug 2021 22:50:

Thank you for your kind words.  Each one of them gives me more strength to tackle the yetzer.

אמן!

כתיבה וחתימה טובה

eyes wrote on 31 Aug 2021 13:28:

I will check that one out.  Thanks!

dovidfg wrote on 31 Aug 2021 01:06:

The drive is really a miracle and I hope and pray that those who do not currently have it, will gain the strength through this forum to become empowered to obtain it and hold onto it for dear life.  That's why I am grateful this forum is here to help empower others to get the drive and to help follow through with it.

Amen - thank you for your kind words.  It's been a long struggle but we are all in the same boat and I am glad to have you all to share the boat with to battle the stormiest of seas.  As one of the sayings go, the stormiest seas will take you to the most beautiful destinations.

Captain wrote on 31 Aug 2021 14:15:

Ameyn - thank you!  Thank you for sharing the signature links.  I've begun to read them and have already been of great assistance!
כתיבה וחתימה טובה

Rt234 wrote on 31 Aug 2021 15:48:

Thank you for the recommendations!
תודה רבה
כתיבה וחתימה טובה

BPositive wrote on 30 Aug 2021 22:44:

Don't beat yourself up, just read a book.

I hope you realize that an extremely large percentage of guys who grew up observant are in the same boat as you. You may even be better off. You described a caring and nurturing childhood - that makes it a bit easier to break free. Many guys here had very critical parents and have a very low image of self. Step one in breaking free for anyone from any background is realizing that you are a good person, you do many good things, and are dealing with a habit/aveira from a young age that nobody educated you about. Now as a mature adult, you are putting shame on the side and are reaching out for help. In my eyes, a tzaddik...