iLoveHashem247 wrote on 19 Jun 2023 23:02:

That means that he doesn't want to get married till he breaks free from his addiction.

Just as addiction and alcoholism are progressive, so too is recovery. Just as the craving increases as it’s indulged, so too is the serenity of recovery.

justi wrote on 19 Jun 2023 10:09:

That means you don’t want to get married?

hashemlovesyou123 wrote on 19 Jun 2023 11:33:

Welcome to GYE! 
you've done a great step by reaching out for help, Hashem will surely help you get out of this..
Also, you need to realize that you are NOT alone! We are living in extremely challenging times and many people are struggling like you. At the same time many have also recovered and so will you with Hashem's help.

It's very important to realize that this struggle is very normal, and everybody deals with it on some level or another. Having a desire for this doesn’t mean that there is anything negative about a person. We say twice daily in Shema, - do not explore inappropriate sights, after which you stray. The passuk is addressing every person in every generation. Even chashuve people and those who lived centuries ago had to deal with this issue. Likewise, when talking about this desire, Chazal tell us - that a person’s nefesh craves it.

Chazal aren’t referring specifically to bad people; they are addressing every single person. When a bachur realizes this, he won’t condemn himself as being no good when he encounters a nisayon. If, however, a bachur gets upset at himself, then he won’t be able to move forward in the healing process. Instead, he will claim that he is doomed for failure due to what he perceives as an abnormal challenge.

It's very important to CONNECT with someone.  Several times, Hashem repeated, “It is good” in the creation story. Do you remember what broke his streak? When he saw man alone, he said, “It is not good.” Sure enough, man got in trouble when he isolated. You need to surround yourself with a few friends, a recovery group, and an accountability partner.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!

fightingthefight wrote on 03 Jun 2023 11:19:

Hey how’s it been going, hope all is well we want to hear from you

chancy wrote on 12 Jun 2023 18:49:

13 weeks and exactly!

Hello GYE community,
I am finally ready to break free. I have been struggling with PMO since ninth grade. I had some short successes and moments of freedom, but all attempts to end my behavior failed. Now, sitting in Yeshiva, I find myself back to my old habits. It is killing me. I feel like a prisoner, like I will never escape this endless cycle of addiction and pain. What's most difficult is the feeling that I am a fake, an imposter. I am living a double life. I am becoming depressed and I can't handle stress without turning to PMO. I hate myself. I have tried countless times to stop, but to no avail. I feel I have nowhere else to turn. I finally realized I need to reach out for help. I can't do this alone. So, I plead with you to please help me. 

"I don't want to marry the wife of a porn addict."

(Not sure if this applies to the marrieds)

Friday early afternoon is my trigger time. Was easier today than it was last week - stayed sober!

Still working on the first step of understanding, accepting what it means to have an addiction.

At this stage, I am one day clean of M and 13 days clean of using

Learning how to be OK with just being OK

Thanks for reading

 Shabbat shalom

I think 99.9% of people will say sexual education can help, I would also say we should start our homes initially with a healthy relationship with technology, because technology is not going anywhere, and we have to have a healthy relationship with it filters, not getting addicted to it,
A lot has to do with the way we as parents handle stress when stress comes up, do we run away or do we embrace it?

another question I was asking is if The topic of “ what to do if/when you catch your husband, watching porn,” should that be included as a standard in every kallah class?
would it help the marriages in terms of having someone he can speak to and it may help a woman understand a man’s sexual needs a little better? Or will it just make the woman scared? 

arir wrote on 16 Jun 2023 14:58:

A relapse (“lapse,” “slip,” “setback”) is one of the most frustrating, humiliating experiences you can face in recovery from any problem habit. It leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed and tempted to throw in the towel and just keep acting out on the addiction. Unfortunately, relapse is very common. According to many studies , 40 to 60 percent of people who work on recovery go on to slip at least once. In fact, many people have multiple setbacks before finally achieving a full recovery.

Instead of viewing your slip as a step backward, think of it as a progression on your road to recovery. Many people lapse or relapse, and if you think of each attempt at sobriety as a means of getting closer to your end goal — a lesson in your cumulative recovery learning, so to speak — this setback won’t be in vain.

About me: 
- Married
- 28 years old
- Good looking
- Muscular, athletic, & tall
- Incredibly intelligent 
- High Social Aptitude
- Grew up frum
- Sent to Hasidic school where I got the absolute crap beat out of me

My first draft of this post was lost when my computer suddenly died. Hence the brief format of the current post. I had spent 3 hours typing it up so please forgive me in advance for the brief manner in which I communicate to whomever is willing to read my story. \\


I left the school in grade due to the abuse and bullying, did not attend school at all for grade 6, transferred to another for grade 7 & 8 but seldomly attended. My time was spent at home reading or playing basketball at a local park. Despite a dysfunctional upbringing, getting accepted to a top yeshivah was a breeze. They all wanted this bright star future talmud/bachur. I attended a top tier out of town yeshivah with a beautiful sprawling campus. The yeshivah was my new home. The yeshiva was where I excelled for the very first time. The yeshivah was where I began developing an internal infrastructure of discipline, desire, and devotion. It was where I established strong bonds with good people which continue to this very day. It wasn't long before I became renowned as the Rosh Hayeshiva's anointed star. 

     Alas, it was not to last. In grade 11 I began experiencing subtle degrees of free floating anxiety and bouts of depression. As the symptoms intensified it's impact on my performance and behavior did so as well. Beginning with missing the occasional minyan to completely abandoning Yeshivah and moving back home. As if losing the single environment I could ever call home wasn't bad enough.....The one place I had quality relationships, etc...more was to follow. As soon as I returned home the state of my anxieties and depression exploded exponentially. The pain was so great I prayed to G-d on the daily to take my neshama. It was precisely in that vulnerable and excruciatingly painful state that I began seeking relief wherever it could be found. Therapy and psychiatric medication had done nothing other than drain my father's wallet. 
          I must emphasize that when I say "Wherever it could be found" that is to say everywhere except for addictive and harmful drugs/substances. What I did turn to was nightlife, modeling, and fitness/sports. Working as a Male stripper for women, VIP bartender, and Calvin Klein underwear model. Yes, you read all of those accurately. One day I'll write a book titled "From Adult Male dancer to Gadol Batorah"  Amidst the chaos however, G-d had not abandoned me. My father in heaven sent me a "Mentor" whom I consider a father and saves me from myself to this very day. Among the various vices I turned to for relief/escape was the internet. More specifically Social Media and dating applications such as Kiddushin and Gittin. With a few taps on my phone I had access to an overwhelming number of women who were more thhan willing to spend the evening with a tall, handsome, muscular, model, and Instagram star who had amassed a following of a whopping three hundred thousand followers!!!
           After approximately 9 years of living this way, I gradually with the assistance of my "Mentor, Parents, and other figures began to heal. I met a beautiful courageous woman who till this very moment is everything one can ask for in a partner and more. G-d turned my life around in a moment. Within a span approximating 11 months....I was and still am....attending daily minyanim, shiurim, have a chavrusa I learn with daily, a successful business model build from scratch, a community which has welcomed my wife and I with open arms, and most importantly G-d healed me in the most miraculous fashion from the panic attacks and depression plaguing me for over the better part of a decade. 
             Nevertheless, what do I do and where do I stand with all the blessings G-d has heaped upon me??? I indulge in various forms of infidelity and bankrupting myself in the process. My wife knows nothing. I take all the precautions...filtering my devices does nothing...I merely purchase another device, download an application and have access to a plentiful amount of sexual partners. All the while improving on my Torah learning, Davening, business, and relationships to family and friends. The dichotomy in which I am living is quite literally unbelievable. Every day I take the blessings from my father in heaven and use them for devarim Assurim. This has returned me to a place all too familiar yet incredibly different. I praying to G-d to take my life not because I wish to die...quite the contrary actually. I pray to g-d to take my life because all I can seem to do with the blessings he showers upon me is destroy myself and those who love me in the process while I simultaneously build my palace in gehenom. 

                     I have no idea what to expect by writing into this forum. All I know is what my "Mentor" tells me. He told me to turn to the GYE organization so here I stand. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my story. 

- "John/Jack Smith"

jacksmith wrote on 15 Jun 2023 19:14:

Just read this post and don’t have much time but what I would like to tell you is that, however low you’ve gotten, you can reach the opposite extreme in the best possible way. Looking forward to continuing to read your stories and seeing where you end up. I’m sure it will be somewhere amazing.

  About me: 
- Married
- 28 years old
- Good looking
- Muscular, athletic, & tall
- Incredibly intelligent 
- High Social Aptitude
- Grew up frum
- Sent to Hasidic school where I got the absolute crap beat out of me

My first draft of this post was lost when my computer suddenly died. Hence the brief format of the current post. I had spent 3 hours typing it up so please forgive me in advance for the brief manner in which I communicate to whomever is willing to read my story. \\


I left the school in grade due to the abuse and bullying, did not attend school at all for grade 6, transferred to another for grade 7 & 8 but seldomly attended. My time was spent at home reading or playing basketball at a local park. Despite a dysfunctional upbringing, getting accepted to a top yeshivah was a breeze. They all wanted this bright star future talmud/bachur. I attended a top tier out of town yeshivah with a beautiful sprawling campus. The yeshivah was my new home. The yeshiva was where I excelled for the very first time. The yeshivah was where I began developing an internal infrastructure of discipline, desire, and devotion. It was where I established strong bonds with good people which continue to this very day. It wasn't long before I became renowned as the Rosh Hayeshiva's anointed star. 

     Alas, it was not to last. In grade 11 I began experiencing subtle degrees of free floating anxiety and bouts of depression. As the symptoms intensified it's impact on my performance and behavior did so as well. Beginning with missing the occasional minyan to completely abandoning Yeshivah and moving back home. As if losing the single environment I could ever call home wasn't bad enough.....The one place I had quality relationships, etc...more was to follow. As soon as I returned home the state of my anxieties and depression exploded exponentially. The pain was so great I prayed to G-d on the daily to take my neshama. It was precisely in that vulnerable and excruciatingly painful state that I began seeking relief wherever it could be found. Therapy and psychiatric medication had done nothing other than drain my father's wallet. 
          I must emphasize that when I say "Wherever it could be found" that is to say everywhere except for addictive and harmful drugs/substances. What I did turn to was nightlife, modeling, and fitness/sports. Working as a Male stripper for women, VIP bartender, and Calvin Klein underwear model. Yes, you read all of those accurately. One day I'll write a book titled "From Adult Male dancer to Gadol Batorah" Amidst the chaos however, G-d had not abandoned me. My father in heaven sent me a "Mentor" whom I consider a father and saves me from myself to this very day. Among the various vices I turned to for relief/escape was the internet. More specifically Social Media and dating applications such as Kiddushin and Gittin. With a few taps on my phone I had access to an overwhelming number of women who were more thhan willing to spend the evening with a tall, handsome, muscular, model, and Instagram star who had amassed a following of a whopping three hundred thousand followers!!!
           After approximately 9 years of living this way, I gradually with the assistance of my "Mentor, Parents, and other figures began to heal. I met a beautiful courageous woman who till this very moment is everything one can ask for in a partner and more. G-d turned my life around in a moment. Within a span approximating 11 months....I was and still am....attending daily minyanim, shiurim, have a chavrusa I learn with daily, a successful business model build from scratch, a community which has welcomed my wife and I with open arms, and most importantly G-d healed me in the most miraculous fashion from the panic attacks and depression plaguing me for over the better part of a decade. 
             Nevertheless, what do I do and where do I stand with all the blessings G-d has heaped upon me??? I indulge in various forms of infidelity and bankrupting myself in the process. My wife knows nothing. I take all the precautions...filtering my devices does nothing...I merely purchase another device, download an application and have access to a plentiful amount of sexual partners. All the while improving on my Torah learning, Davening, business, and relationships to family and friends. The dichotomy in which I am living is quite literally unbelievable. Every day I take the blessings from my father in heaven and use them for devarim Assurim. This has returned me to a place all too familiar yet incredibly different. I praying to G-d to take my life not because I wish to die...quite the contrary actually. I pray to g-d to take my life because all I can seem to do with the blessings he showers upon me is destroy myself and those who love me in the process while I simultaneously build my palace in gehenom. 

                     I have no idea what to expect by writing into this forum. All I know is what my "Mentor" tells me. He told me to turn to the GYE organization so here I stand. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my story. 

- "John/Jack Smith"
               

I Decided to make a post after enough people suggested it. I don't know what I hope to get out of it yet.

I’ll start by explaining the username. I chose Yosef90 because I want to be like Yosef and refuse for 90 days (or more). It happens to be I was also born in the 90’s.

I came to GYE after listening to a podcast where Eli Nash was interviewed and he said how amazing this site is with helping people struggling with porn issues. I wouldn’t say I’m addicted as much as I have desires and enjoy it. I have a productive life and I’m a contributing member of society but this is currently part of my life, it doesn’t get in the way of it. I do feel more clear headed when I don’t masturbate especially when davening and learning and I don’t want porn to be part of my life.

I grew up frum and went through the yeshiva system. When I was thirteen, I thought I would never masturbate because I knew it wasn’t allowed, however, when I was fourteen I started doing it almost daily and that continued throughout high school. I didn’t need porn, I would see something and remember it later. Sometimes I watched porn too but access wasn’t as easy as it is now. When I was in yeshiva I went months without it. Now that I’m working and learning, I go on streaks but always seem to come back to this habit. I’ve tried different ideas to keep myself busy or distracted but I seem to be able to fit this habit into my schedule as it really doesn’t have to take long. I think that if I don’t masturbate then in a way it’s on my mind more. I pay for a filter on my smart phone which works well but sometimes I’ll use other devices. I don’t really even need to look at porn to masturbate but it does make it more enjoyable. I sometimes feel like I don’t have free will to say no. I believe it’s the Rambam that said that we can do something enough that Hashem takes away our Bechira and I sometimes wonder if that happened in this area. I’m single so I have no kosher outlet for release and the urges come. Its hard to say later when I don't know when later is. I date but have not been successful in getting married yet. I believe Hashem runs the world and it will happen in the right time but until that time I’m not sure what I am supposed to do.

I have been opened about this and discussed this in person with people in different stages of life which has helped in the past but I think I need more of a community now that I’m not in yeshiva which for me was a place where it was more accepted to discuss it and work on it with friends trying to grow.

I like the idea of private messages or the chat more than posts so feel free to use those. I don't know often I’ll come here to update everyone.