Answer in broken "Bardish":
It's clear like chicken soup w/o lokshen!
...that means "yes", I hope.
So...b says:
"
As long as "I" fight the YH, "I" is in big trouble"
Yup. When we got all filled with charotoh we tell ourselves "I'll never do it again cuz
now I have a plan!! I really mean it this time!"
...and we really do.
But it doesn't work.
By deciding to "fight it myself" I'm letting the
fox guard the
chicken koop. Is anything more silly?
Who got me
into this mess in the first place?
The YH?
If we just
keep blaming
the YH for
everything and deny that
we ourselves are a bit "cracked", then we will
keep putting this fox (=our very sincere but nutty brain) in charge of the chicken koop (=ourselves) over and over. And we all did that. And we go
on scratching our heads..."I'm sincere, so why isn't it working? Rib
ono Shel Olam! Help me make this work! (...and Tatty, Who knows
only emess, hears: "Join with me in this (stupid) fight to make
me the winner, OK?").
I guess he just says, "Nope. Try again, tateleh."
Usually we come up with the hair-brained idea that if we
only deeply understood
why we do this crazy stuff, then we'd finally beat it!
More cheshboinos will
only get us
more in charge. Great.
That's when we need to really say
keep On trucking.
Oy vei.
Stop thinking so much.
You are not that smart anyway.
(I'm talking to me - when I forget - which happens quite often.)
Now, I used to think that Reb b didn't know what he was talking about! It got me angry.
Then
one day my eyes were opened and I realized that he was actually smart enough to accept that we are not that smart.
And I
know that this gift can
only come from having a shtik'l humility - I call that "surrender". (also a gift, perhaps)
People like me w
onder (especially
on Succos!): "Nu! Why can't I just be
besimcha?!"
The answer for me is simple:
I need to get rid of some of my gayvoh. Sometimes, my gayvo is the
only thing holding me back from simcha.
That kind of simcha
is the third step. It's knowing in the heart that I'm not in charge, He is! And he knows
exactly what He's doing!
That simcha is much more powerful than lust.
But the price to pay to get it - and to
keep it - is
not by learning more, or fasting, or
trying harder, or whatever.
It's by dropping our demands and accepting that He'll take care of us.
And the only way for folks like me to come to that is to first completely give up on ME taking care of everything. That should be easy for addicts. We are losers, right? Losers at the game we could never win.
Does that answer you, Reb b?