Hi there,

 May 2016 is the month of my first SA meeting. I'm sober ever since.

I have been using the SA method. Worked the steps etc.
Lately, for several reasons, I started looking for an alternative to 12 Steps.
With Hashem's help I found one, called SMART Recovery.
This program has people who are clean 10-20 years. it is science based. One does not need to be there long term (12 Steps is for life). 

I am not advocating for it, for I only started to go to SMART meetings like two months ago.
For now, here are the pros and cons. This may change in a month or two. If it does, I will update here.

Pros:

• Does not mix into my religion.
  
  • ​​So no non-Jewish prayers. No telling me how to believe in Hashem and more.
• After a while (6 months to two years) one is free, and does not need meetings.
• It believes in Choice. I have the power to stop.
• Meetings are also free and worldwide.
• they have a handbook. and all their tools for getting clean one can get online for free.
• One never calls himself a addict when introducing himself.

Cons

• There is no loving fellowship like 12 step groups.
• One is on their own. There is no sponsors (mentors).
  
  • ​Sure you can get one, but it is not mandatory like in 12 steps.
• There is no ego boost for milestones. In 12 Steps, you get a chip for every milestone one passes for being sober, you start the meeting with saying how long you are sober.
  
  • This sound silly, but it subconsciously helps newcomers, or even old timers.
• Meetings are for all addictions (in 12 Steps, each addiction has their separate meetings and fellowship). That is not an issue, for how the program works, it is not needed.
  
  • The hardship is as follows: a meeting starts with everyone saying their first name, and what addiction they are struggling with or struggled with. to say I have a Sex addiction or Porn Addiction, is not so easy, and may not be accepted.
    
    • When I go I just say "I have a maladaptive behavior (they have a private chat on their forum just for people with sex/porn issues and they suggest this there).

That it for now,
G'night.
LT

It is 8 months later and time to look back and see how it went.

The first few months were ok, I was still under the influence of 12 Steps. After that, it started to get difficult. 
Because, SMART wants us not to rely on other people unless we choose to. 
The person needs to create his fellowship,
the person needs to set up a accountability partner or the like.

SMART is about choice. If you chose something you will figure out how to stay motivated. Need self motivation.
​But, I like to be lead like a child, be independent and told what to do every step of the way. Which is why 12 steps worked amazing for me. 
​So now I needed to start from scratch (not really, but to some extent) and choose recovery over being controlled by my maladaptive behaviors.  
Here at SMART, the person needs to decide if he is ready and wanting for change. If he is not ready, there are tools and exercises that may help him decide. 

Important to mention:
I received tons from 12 Steps. 'till today the exercise I was taught for step 2 is the basis of my recovery.

IYH, over the next few weeks, every week I will try to post a tool used in SMARt recovery.

Each tool works on its own, though sometimes they are more effective as a buildup. 

Next post will be a very short overview of SMART and a short simple tool.

A gut Shabbos!
LN
​P.s. multiple members have contacted me regarding SMART Recovery tools. Feel free to do the same. 

SMART Recovery is a researched based program. Doctors and professors tested and researched the best ways in recovering from substance abuse. At SMART they collected these ideas and turned it into a comprehensive program. 

This program teaches us how to 
1. Building and Maintaining Motivation to stop using/acting out
2. Coping with Urges and cravings
​3. Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors. Because these usually lead us to acting out. 
4. Lead to a balanced life by balancing short-term and long-term pleasures and satisfactions in life

This program combines ideas and tools from CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy), REBT (Rational emotive behavior therapy) and MET (Motivational Enhancement Therapy).

SMART is a program of choice. You choose if you want to join, you choose and decide what tools work for you and what doesn't, you choose how you would like to work the program. you can also choose to use SMART as an additional tool to enhance your 12 steps.

lenegditamid100 wrote on 25 Oct 2019 13:26:

Thank you. 
Well said.
I found that 12 steps/meetings was also a program of choice (contrary to its reputation).

Bullet points 1-4 are great tools to have and use. That is not really taught directly in 12 steps.

Godspeed!

Almost all tools and exercises offered by SMART are free on their website.

Almost all tools require a pen and paper, or typing it up. 



Let's start with a basic one.



Our HIERARCHY OF VALUES (or HOV for short)

​Question: 

What is your most important values in life? What do you feel is the most significant things needed for you to have a successful life?



This is not a test! take it easy and write whatever comes to your mind.



Examples: 

Peace

Family

Financial security

Purpose in life

Harmony

Responsibility

Love

Yiddishkeit

Wisdom

Humility

Honesty

Serenity

Spirituality

Integrity

Trust

Health

​Independence 



​After you make your list, choose five you feel are the most important. 

Put the pen down and just look at the list. Here are five principles you believe are most important. 



Can you imagine living life according to these values? 

This is where the SMART tools come in handy. They will help us to slowly but surly reach it.



Pick up the pen again and write on the side of the page your maladaptive behavior, be it Fantasy, Masturbation, Porn or whatever. 



Now ask yourself, do these negative behaviors enhance or help these principles or does it go against your values?



That's it. Done for today.



​What we gained from this exercise:

1. We learned what our most important principles in life are.

2. We got to see our mind is not as screwed up we may sometimes believe. We actually have good and healthy values. 

​3. We see in black on white how our unhealthy behaviors contradict what we believe and hold of. 



Here is a worksheet for this tool from the SMART website. You don't need to use this worksheet, a plain paper does the job just as well.

smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/HOV.pdf?_ga=2.116848198.133878796.1572008286-466131881.1572008286">smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/HOV.pdf?_ga=2.116848198.133878796.1572008286-466131881.1572008286

Hi everyone,

I'm really thinking of attending live Smart recovery meetings, is there anyone from Lakewood that attends the live meetings on this forum?

If yes please pm me, as i need someone to hold my hand as i go to my 1st meeting as i'm feeling pretty uncomfortable with just randomly showing up to a meeting 

 Thanks Yankel

I noticed in the first post, it seemed like there is a negative part to 12 steps regarding G-d.

Just checking, did you ever read shais taubs book G-d of our understand? 

Yes, I read his book.

A GYE old timer sent me the following about his experience with SMART recovery live meetings vs SA meetings: