The Twelve Steps G-d of my own understanding convinces me that I don’t need prayer books and holidays, rules and laws to confine me to one way of thinking. I can have my own understanding of G-d and I’m sure whatever I decide will be Ok.

This is the thinking of many people in SA today.  SA is my new religion, my G-d and if I just listen to my non-Jewish sponsor or my non-religious anymore sponsor, everything will be OK.  I’m OK, you’re OK!  My mental health supersedes everything and if I want to check my emails on Shabbos or call my sponsor, even if I’m not being triggered.  It’s OK.  It’s what I want in the moment that counts. After all, Shabbos and Yom Tov are long, boring days and what else do I have to do but check my emails and YouTube videos.

I was thinking about this logic the other day and realized that a part of me feels this way and another part of me feels that if I suddenly start being Mechalel Shabbos and Yom Tov I will begin to do other things which are not permitted and sink lower and lower until I completely forget G-d’s laws and become G-d myself.  So I have a dilemma.  Do I take the leap into the dark side of creating my own Judaism?  I’m sure my fellow SA friends will approve.  After all, my mental health is what is most important.

But, if my mental health is most important what will I do with the guilt and shame of suddenly giving up on my religion?  That won’t be very mentally healthy, will it? I’ll  be torn by doubt, am I really doing the right thing?  What will I do with that voice?

This is a very real dilemma which is a plague in itself.  Step 11 tells us through prayer and meditation to develop a relationship with G-D as we understand HIM and ask only that we do HIS will.  The G-d of the Jews will for us is to keep the Torah and Mitzvos and our sages have given us a broad spectrum of things to say during davening with Kavanah to help us with this struggle and a set of rules and laws to keep us believing where we are today is where we’re supposed to be.

I won’t allow a non-Jewish thought process of making up my own prayers deter me from getting closer to my Creator.

There are many frum guys in SA that can probably help you reconcile this issue and help you benefit from SA while remaining an erliche yid.

Rabbi Twerski a"h in his book "Teshuva Through Recovery" explains it really well, I'd suggest you get your hands on a copy of that book. 

I believe "G-d as I understand Him" means in whatever G-d I believe in. It's not to say that I can choose which G-d to believe in, rather to say that whichever G-d I do believe in can help me recover as long as He is a higher power. If you do believe in G-d, it follows that you would try to do your best to do His will. If you can choose what His will is and what is not, then He is not G-d (look in up in the dictionary). You can call him G-d but you are really talking about something else.

If we believe in G-d, we should try to do as He says. When we say "G-d as I understand Him" we are not denying the existence of G-d, on the contrary, we are acknowledging Him, just not specifying what He said (possibly in order for AA to include all religions). If we acknowledge that He exists, we should probably figure out what he says. When we figure that out, we should probably follow it.   


There is only one G-d, if there would be more, they would not be called G-d. The question isn't which G-d you believe in, rather what you believe is His will.


What is non-Jewish about making up our own prayers?

But hey, you probably know all this already so whatever. I just felt like I needed to respond because it seems like a misunderstanding about the whole concept.