yes zm. something needs to be done. added. etc. but i dont know hat or how.
the hardest part of recovery that i can imagine based on what i know so far is getting rid of RID. its going to be really hard to do......
looking forward to shabbas. its going to be shabbas of achdus at my shul. all the shuls on the block that my shul is on will all be davening at one shul. they are flying in some good singers for shabbas:)

today was pretty good.
ive been feeling alone lately. my friends have been haveing promiscuios convos lately (more than usual) that pushes me away.
but vayevaser yakov levado....
i am never alone, i am always with hashem....well hashem is always with me...

wow, that sounds tough

is there anybody there with whom you can identify?

When I'm besieged with rid, it can last days.  Every single time it's turned out that I'm scared and worried that I can't get/get done what will relieve my rid.  And every single time the only time I feel any relief is when I rediscover, for the umpteenth time that I'm holding out on b'chol levav'cha/nafshecha. that is, letting go and letting G-d.  When I let go, finally, it's always the case that Hashem used the rid to show me that the only safe place is in the shadow of his wing b'tzel canafecha.

Don't know if that's useful, but I share your struggle.

zm.
not really, except for you guys. there are some people that i WOULD be able to get close to and be happy with, but 1st thing is that im in the high school and they are in the bais medrish level so we dont see each other often +the ones i would want to get close with (which i am close with) are getting married  shortly....so much less availible time.
1daat
thank you. i hear your message and it is good, i am never alone, im always under hashems arm, but its hard to really feel that.
truthfully i will always be  alone on my own mission, the only thing is that i dont have to always be physically alone to fulfill the mission. some day i will have a beutiful wife and beuitfull children (bli ayin harah) and i will always have them to be with and be in a place and enviroment that i create, but until that day, i still need to just keep pushing.

No matter what, feeling alone is tough. It's especially tough when it comes to dealing with these issues at the same time. I'd recommend trying to get close to those people that you think you can connect with, even if it takes a bit more effort.

Also, please be careful - when you say that you're "powerless," that can lead to feeling of accepting the fact that we fall. After all, there's nothing I can do, it's all up to hashem!

youre right.
time to kvetch again.
why is this stage of life so hard???? im eorking on finding a yeshiva but i just cant find one for me. there are so many things that are wrong i just want to cry to hashem!!!
theres so many things, i dont even know what to kvetch!!!!!!!!

hi, i had a fall on shabbas. 2 of them. it was my first fall on shabbas in who know how long, but  my attitude was excellant.
shabbas was great overall. its hard to get back up now, im very very weak. i want to have another fall

i had a fall
my attitude is getting better.

Hey HS, Mac here. Checking in to see how you're doing. I'm a bochur too. I'm in the same boat as you. Fell on shabbos. Feeling terrible. Let's do this together. Email me. I have found that the most helpful and important thing for me is having LIVE people that I can call email and text.

the past 2 days have been the worst days ive had in who know how long. fell twice today and i still have a desire to keep falling. oy vay hashem, lead me on the right derech to recovery,i will not live like this for the rest of my life. im scared that i wont be able to stop and i will get married and still have this issue. oy voy voy hashem. what else is there to do hashem???

ok here i am.  remember that when we fall we dont loose previous growth,
day 1

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 16 Nov 2010 05:08:


youre right.
im not a quitter. i might be a baby since i only care about myself (learnt that through the ohone conference, that is what an addict is and one of the things we will work on in the call) but im not quiiter!

I wish I had your attitude!  :-*

me too!

did Energizer contact you for a commercial yet?