good excellent!
whichever way you start your journy, just never look back
thats one thing for sure, no more playing with mud,for any price
not even just half a glimpse, all the rest of your hard work will fortifie that struggle
in the beginning its seems hard, but after one day you see: hay i have done it!
so you take another firm day, and another
remmember hashem will help you, you are not alone, but we have to make the initial steps

Thank you Jack

I feel like saying "I've been here for over a year - I made those initial steps already"
But that sounds very arrogant to me.
I only realised and admitted that I have a lust problem a year ago and started taking action then, but I'm still taking my first steps in other areas today.

My problem isn't lust. Lust is just where I turn when I can't handle my problems.
When I lust, those problems don't even exist.

Part of my actual mission in this world is to fix those problems that are handed to me. To help those that need help (including myself). [I'm being very simplistic in describing this as not all problems need a 'fix'. Some things I need to learn to live with, some things are other people's problems and I'm not welcome to meddle there.]

One thing this experience showed me is that there is something inside me that deserves my love.
Even if I put my cynical mind to work on that statement, I end up with the conclusion that I should love that part of me because it is connected to Hashem, and to love it is to love Hashem; and through that, I find love for everyone and everything around me.

I guess then that I can say I have made some initial steps. I now need to not hinder the momentum by keeping my fences up.

Wow, that really says it all, chaver. I heard an alkie once say that drinking was never his problem - sobriety was. He simply could not tolerate life without that cushion of getting all distracted from it either by drinking, or by struggling not to drink....

Thanks for popping in Dov.

Nothing to add today other than
Good Shabbos!

Good shabbos! May you continue on a path toward sobriety and peace.

Amen.

I had a bit of a fall Saturday night.

Thoughts were slowly building up the whole week and on Saturday night I just let myself go.
A while ago I would not have considred this a full but my rule is:
Looking with intention to lust.
I don't wish to elaborate with any details.
Thanks Hashem that it did not go too far and that the following morning I did not resume looking (although there was an urge).

I was very hesitant to upgrade my internet connection at home. A painfully slow connection is a good way to limit internet use.
But I have now upgraded and was able to video call my mother in England.
I fear that she does not have much time left. We would be lucky if she makes it to Rosh Hashanah.

Yosef.

Yosef,

I am very sorry to hear that your mother is not well.

Eli

Refuah shleimah to your mothe.

a refua shleimah to your mother and hatzlocha in your quest for purity

Thank you all very much.

Well, I have finished sitting shiva.
I have spent much time with my own thoughts, which has been a good thing.

There are still thoughts that aren't very kosher running around in my head.
Having a lot of time on one's hands generally doesn't work out to well for me.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, my thoughts are quite unorganised right now.

Thoughts of past difficult situations are popping up.
Why can't I just move on? Remorse isn't the Jewish way.
I know what I did wrong, I know why,
I know my behaviour was wrong but at the time I didn't see a nice way of handling the situation.
In the future I know what signs to look for, but right now, this does not serve me.

Well, enough of me, How's the past week been for you?

Was wondering where you were....

Hamakom Yenachem Eschem B'soch Shear Aveilei Tziyon V'Yerushalayim.

Time to get back in the truck....

Gevura!

ToAdd wrote on 12 Sep 2011 11:41:


This is your recovery speaking again, Yosef.

Beautiful.

Please stay here with us, even when you are not perfect and do not really have anything more to say than "How are you?".

hamakom yinachem esschem bitoch shaar availi tzion virushalaim

we are family here

one hurts all hurt


death is a void

the one who is hurting the most is the tatteh in himmel

why?

every personthat is in this world

by being here

brings out kavod shamaim

thats why an avel says kaddish

to daven to hashem that he should fill that void

by being yisgadal bradening his name

i.e. more kavod shamayim


take the loss and use it

learn mishnayos

mishnah equals neshama

give tzeddaka

we are here for you

your brotherbardichev

May you be comforted together with the mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim

wishing you the healing comfort and purity you seek