Today is the first day of a new journey.

Hashem, I have come to realise how weak I am in this area.
With tears in my eyes, I place myself in your loving hands.

Please don’t turn away from me. Help me return to you.

Your servant.

Yosef.

Good Shabbos ToADD,  Reb Yosef Hatzadik
Yosef Hatzadik also needed the help of others (from his father) when faced with that nissoyan.
You tears should be tears of simcha, that we are children of Hashem.
He will never turn you away. All he wants is to know that you really want it, therefore he will throw in some obstacles to see how you will handle them. But with his help and our joint efforts we will b"H succeed.

Be gebencht and dont forget TOMID BESIMCHA.

Hi Toadd!

Hi Tomid Besimcha!



Dearest Toadd,

May Hashem Yisborach answer all your tefilos!!

w

amen!

hatzlacha! you cant get to day 2 without day one....so remember each day is just as important as the next therfore each day must be looked at without even thinking about the other days

Hi ToAdd

How are you today? How is it going?

Thanks for all the brochos.

Mondays
A bit of slipping on the week-end. There are some things I do on the week-end that I am still convincing myself is okay, but it leads to fantasies; and if I keep the fantasies alive in my mind then I'm still in it's grip, even if I don't fall.

I'm not sure if I have the words to explain.
My imagination is now very active and I'm feeding it.

At least there is a huge improvement - a few months ago I was looking at the worst things possible on a daily basis.
Now, I'm seeing things that are "normal"  and my imagination is trying to carry me away.

"Distance from anger, Distance from lust, Fear of heaven" I repeat to myself when I am aware that my imagination is hijacking my mind. This causes the image in my mind to leave immediately.

But this is only possible when my brain is turned on - when it's just my imagination I just go with it.

I guess I need to start thinking more in the present, on reality; and not what would happen if...

My plan is to try be aware of what I'm thinking about and have something else to focus on (like my mantra above) when I start thinking about the wrong things.

I just realised that I have been battling with my creative side at work.
I wonder if this is because I am trying to supress my imagination?
If this is the case, then I need to steer my imagination in the right direction rather than supress it.

Lots to think about.

ToAdd

I feel so much better than yesterday.

Even though I was down, I did not fall
Made a mark next to clean, now on day four
Read a poem by Tried123
His words seem to talk about me
There I was thinking this is my battle alone
And now I have found a place I can call home
Thank you G-d, thank you Guard.

Hi, just read ur 1st post in this thread, I sense there a surrendering tone & that's all hashem wants from us, b4 he can take over the driver seat, so just sit back, do NOT tell him how to drive & of course don't tell him where to go and not the route he should be talking he's by far more experienced than us, just trust him, and remember he wants ur best, we may not see it cuz are lens is dirty, wipe it off and u will have clarity, try to focus on more healthy outlets for the weekend, its a pity that u do so good over the week and than u slip back a bit, we want u here in the 1st row
Keep trucking

Thanks JIP.
I feel a bit like a yo-yo.
Not feeling as strong today as I was yesterday. I am finding that I'm trying to run away from my problems.

I guess the difficulty is in finding the balance.
Running away from danger may lead one into isolation, which is bad too.

Hashem, she is your problem, I'm leaving her in your hands to sort out.
I have myself to sort out and that's what I'm going to focus on today.
Focus on the road, not the billboards. Where I am going is important, not the scenery.

Day six and the fantasies are dwindling.
Decided to give up coke-a-cola too (or at least cut down as a start).

Focus ToAdd, do your work, everything is in Hashem’s hands.
The world will do its own thing and you do yours.
That woman that drives you mad, she is not responsible, she is just playing a role.
As Shakespeare said: All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.

ToAdd wrote on 04 Nov 2010 06:20:


that 100% correct!

Thanks for the confirmation HashemsSoldier
It's amazing how one can know the truth, can know what hurts them and still behave in the opposite.

Today feels different. Calmer somehow.
Looking at the age restriction on a movie poster, I simply said "That's not kosher."
There was no "It's okay, I'll watch it and it won't effect me" or "It's okay to watch it together with my wife", or "noooo, that's BAD!".

"Not kosher", I think is a very good category for such things. it's out there and other people may indulge if they want, but it's not right for me. I don't have to see it as some thing that I need to go on a mission to destroy, picketing in the streets.

Take the middle road.
Thank you Hashem for showing me where the path lies.

Shalon Aleichem.
Have a good Shabbos.

ToAdd

ToAdd wrote on 03 Nov 2010 06:39:

Aha!  When we try to run away from problems, where do we run to?

But when we muster up the humility to accept our responsibilities, and the courage to face them, then we start to mature; we start to recover.

--Eye.

Thank you Eye
Therein lies the source of my problems, the biggest trigger of all.

Looking at your words, I sunk into my seat.
I am a comfort addict.

I have known this for a long time, but getting up and doing something about it is a whole other story. It involves an effort.

Enough pondering how I’m going to solve this.
Just get going and do something…