So with all my talk... I'm planing to go to a live SA meeting. That should shake things up. I just don't have the courage yet (so I push it off). It took me a long time to call a GYE meeting but now I feel comfortable with it. It's time I move on (perhaps calling in AND going to live meetings). It took me forever to admit to myself that I have a problem (I used to think that my case is more mild (just P&Ming) / it's normal / I need to get married/ people here are fanatics/ it's too cultish etc.) but I got over it. Fact is, I'm not married and there is no way in the world that it will go away with marriage. I got myself deep into this and it will not go away for life (I abused it - it's my doing) and I will continue doing it (or maybe worse) all my life unless I put in the effort and the necessary work.

Kol HaKavod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hatzlacha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess you can only say that after I go. Now it is just talk  . Gut shabbos TZ.

installed wrote on 03 Feb 2012 13:02:

Shabbat Shalom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So far, the hardest part of attending an SA meeting was walking in the door the first time.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

That sound encouraging. Did it help you in any way?

So far, Baruch Hashem it has been very helpful.  It has given me people with the same problems as me.  Last night, there were real people, face to face from 8 years sober to less than a day sober.  People living life that includes death, disease, financial struggles, marital problems, children, jobs, relocating, ssa, etc.  i have phone numbers of people who know me by face and i know them by face.  We share in the meetings and we speak during the week.  It is truly GOOD for me.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

Sounds good. Waiting for some info regarding an SA meeting in my area and I'll be going...

Thanks for the feedback.

Still didn't go  :-[. I have a phone number of someone in my area and don't have the courage to call. So in the mean time I'll try Taphsic again (I know... I tried and it didn't work in the past but......)

I swear for one month that if I am intentionally motzi zera livatala , or if I
intentionally search for any websites or web pages, pictures, videos, for the purpose of  viewing adult sexual content , then I will donate $50 (not from my mayser money) to tzedaka. If I forget that I made this Shvuah and do one of these things, I will not need to make the donation.

Look, I would really like to help you that's why I won't say anything, just quote you.

installed wrote on 28 Feb 2012 19:58:

Call someone when you're ready....

TZ, you are 100% right... just can't get myself to do it right now...

Was clean for 2 weeks but fell last night, will give the $50 to tzedaka.

This is my new TAPHSIC

I swear for one month (until 4/13/12) that if I am intentionally motzi zera livatala (or cause myself to get aroused intentionally), or if I intentionally search for any websites or web pages, pictures, videos, for the purpose of viewing adult sexual content , then I will donate $50 (not from my mayser money) to tzedaka. If I forget that I made this Shvuah and do one of these things, I will not need to make the donation.

Adding to my neder a frum forum with marriage halachas. I think that it is messing with my brain more than p as it is more real to me. It's amazing how my mind is working overtime  :o.

Feel like killing myself (or my yetzer hara) :'(. I fell again!!! After tax $$s are adding up. It's strange but I feel like I need it so much more with these TAPHSIC neders (there is all of a sudden a tangible price to pay which is a deterrent but also makes me feel trapped). Anyway, I will make a new one now before I fall again.

I swear for one month (4/18) that if I am intentionally motzi zera livatala , or if I
intentionally search for any websites or web pages, pictures, videos, for the purpose of viewing adult sexual content, then I will donate $50 (not from my mayser money) to tzedaka. If I forget that I made this Shvuah and do one of these things, I will not need to make the donation.

Like Bardichev says FELL SCHMELL!!!!

Keep on trucking for JUST ONE DAY!  ;D Darn, write what made you fell...


Installed, forgive me a thousand times. I didn't go to a live SA meeting yet, so I am not the one to be talking. But you seem to be serious about going to one. Why don't you just go once? Just one time. If it works, then vau!!!! If it doesn't, you lost one or two hours. Well I suppose there will be just addicts there - I think that means, that nobody will laugh at you or give you looks, nobody will give you a "hard time", for sure. Cos they are doing "hard time".

Forgive me, I don't want to sound smart or anything, sorry.

Still I want to write something. You have the courage to come here and admit, that you fell. That is BIG, so my hat is off to You.
You can use that courage to stay clean one day and id you want you can use it to go to a meeting and for good many things.

Keep trucking man!!!!

Yehoshua said it so well.  The only thing you have to lose by going to a meeting is anonymity.  And the only thing you have to gain is LIFE.  i am not so good at math, but it looks pretty clear to me.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov