dov wrote on 27 Dec 2011 16:29:
You are helping your daughter far, far more than if you'd be telling her a really nice vort on the parsha. And that's saying something....you are making yourself available to them in ways that you will discover years from now and could not imagine.
This (unlike the nice vort), she will never forget.
My daughter replies:
So proud of you for catching it and clearing house. Right on! Progress not perfection right?
Maybe its good to remember you might be grieving over mom too? So we can maybe help each other stick with the things we need as BPs [we're both bipolar]when it comes to grief? It can be another one of our experiments since I've never faced grief like this and you have never faced it in a way you feel good about. So, please hug yourself for me & maybe ask for some loving arms when you need some from your friends?
I trust you will take care of yourself...please thank those 12 step buddies for pushing you to take care of yourself. I need your psyche and spirit strong for me. That's most important. The physical stuff...I hold compassion for you but it doesn't upset me. I'd be more upset by you falling into addict patterns.
love you tons and tons. I respect you and how you work your program sooo much. Stay out of guilt/shame for me k? It doesn't become you. You are staying the path even with speed bumps and pot holes. That's the dad I love! Way to go! Until a while ago, until after I got involved with GYE, we hadn't talked in 7 years. Beyond how beautiful her response is and how deeply it affected me, I posted it also so that people could see just what has happened so far when I stopped acting out and started really looking at what I'd become. It was after we'd been talking for a while that I told her my secrets about being arrested my long lust and p&m addictions, and as best I could at the time made a meager attempt at making amends. It seemed to be good enough at the time. From then it seems we're both sharing what's really going on with us (though I still hang back. See above.) more spontaneously. I can not adequately describe what it is to have such respect and the clear understanding that my daughter is a separate, and her own person.
Went to a NA mtg last night. Haven't been to a program meeting in years. I'd forgotten what a truly superior person I am compared to all those drug addicts. I guess I better keep coming back till I can just be Joel.
gibbor120 wrote on 27 Dec 2011 18:49:
I keep thinking I got somewhere - then I realize that I can't think that way, or I won't get anywhere.
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
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It seems like a good quote to me. As soon as I feel like some sort of authority, like I got somewhere, I 'forget' that what got me here was humbly admitting the truth about myself to real safe people.
It's like I have to try and be a 'newbie' anew each day.
Hatzlacha!
Bingo! thanks. "To be a newbie each day." That's a post-it on my computers.
To all of you who've tzittered over me and for he who-shall-remain-nameless giving me a gentle kick in the tochus, I am very thankful. I know this is a virtual community, nonetheless, I get your concern and caring. It shakes me out of my stupor/id and reminds me there are real live people in my life who would of course be there for me 200%. I am clearly still nuts and still indulge my addiction. Difference is, I now have options and choices I didn't have while I was acting out.
This whole episode comes on the heals of having had a R. Nachman-style talk with Hashem that went something like, "Abba, I know there's good in what you're doing to me. But I just can't take the pain any more. Please teach me what I need to learn more gently. I'll pay attention and listen."
What kind of God is this? He teaches me to be a child. He teaches me to be a parent. I love you so much. thank you.