guys , thanks a lot.  I told my son the "setup" story, and we had a laugh.  I told him about her and his comment was, "Dad, you're getting way ahead of yourself".  Chizuk from the b'chor. 

Tomorrow I go for the IRS audit.  So I've been focused on getting all the details.  Speaking of details, I detailed my car on Sunday.  It took half a day. It was a mess.  Can;'t go on a first date with a car that looks like how it usually looks.  She might think I'm a slob.  Ch'v.

Tomorrow is also our first date.

Yes, my Rav knows my stuff.  When I talked to him about it I was crying and he said an old line that hit the mark, "T'shuva wasn't made for Tzdikkim".  And yes, that's a "duh"  suggestion.  The rav will be my guide.  We began studying Nikne Isha interestingly enough.

Zemmy, UAJ and gibbor, thanks for the love bros.  rontov, you clever man.  That was touching to look back.  God can do miracles still,  Thanks you for being so thoughtful to dig that out.

With tears in my eyes, I am thinking:

If I want to have what this guy has, I need to work like this guy worked!



:'(

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 16 Nov 2011 19:45:


Please remember that I had the advantage of having bottomed out from below.  I still get close to the line every once in a while, and shake my head that I'm still such an easy lay (for the yh). 

That said, thanks for the love.  I also read your thread and shake my head (I do a lot of head shaking) at how far I have yet to go to learn determination and humility, which is what I get about you from your thread.  Mutual admiration society.

However, Gentleman, we have two reports for the evening:

Report #1:  IRS audit today. They took me to the cleaners  8) for a cool $38.  That's 38 as in thirty eight.  The guy was so nice.  He gave me every leniency he could, and didn't press me on some questionable stuff.  Major Whew!

Report #2:  Date with Swiss lady.  A really nice time.  zilch sexual vibes.  Just a really hamishe lady, careful with halachot.  I don't know where or if this is going to go anywhere, but it was really nice to be talking with a woman without anything up my sleeve.

In the case of the IRS audit.  The guy was running late.  I started saying tillim, and realized how tense I was.  I calmed way down.  I had done what I could and just asked Him to take from there.  Even if I owe alot of more money, I'd accept that.  Might have a panic attack, but I'd accept it.

In the case of the date, during mincha I'm thinking about the date about every second prayer.  I stop completely and just have a talk with Him.  I had forgotten that this isn't about what I could get out of the deal.  This is about being a decent person for once.  I just asked to stay out of sitra achra and bring something to the table that would make her comfortable and have a good time.  I did, and we did.  It was really nice.    So once again it's in His hands.

it seems to go togather
behaving with kedusha brings you bracha in your money and hatzlocho with irs

Thanks for the update 1daat.  You have a crowd cheering for you!

I repeat:

With tears in my eyes, I am thinking:

If I want to have what this guy has, I need to work like this guy worked!



:'(



P.S. These are fresh tears of emotion. Not recycled from yesterday.

1daat wrote on 17 Nov 2011 07:55:


Hurray!!!

It worked!!!

I have been putting a lot of effort into my post so that I should give off the impression of being humble. It is way for me to feed my ego. "Look at what a great guy I am. I am soooo humble!" Thanks for letting me know that my efforts were somewhat successful! (Did I just sabbotage my work of almost two years?? Or are you thinking, "Wow, he is so humble & honest that he is even making a joke out of it....") [Guess why I added this??] <...& this??>

BTW, last night, I repeated to a Recovery Friend the last segment of your story. (About the Shidduch date set-up). We were both overwhelmed when he told me that just a few minutes before our conversation he had been talking with another buddy & sharing his fears whether he will ever find a shidduch & get remarried. Your story was a MAJOR source of encouragement for him!!!!!!

We have no idea what made me think of retelling your story to him. It just popped into my head in the middle of conversing. It was exactly what he needed to hear at that moment. He felt much calmer, thinking, "If Hashem can do that for you, He can also do it for me!"


God chose you to help infuse hope in others!!!!!!

Yosel, I guess it's not how humble you are that touches me so much, as how you got your font so small.

thanks for sharing that hashgacha pratis story. 

I'm sticking with "determination and humility is what I get about you". 

btw, you do know that there's a "biggest anav" list, don't you?

Hey, everybody, third date.  I'm pretty sure this is a go.  She's talked to me about wanting to move to where I live to be with her daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren.  She let me know it will take her a year.  She'll be back from Switzerland in 3 months.  She was very nervous that we finish our walk early enough to make sure I davened mincah on time.  OYOYOY.  How do you make a laundry list, have someone show up who meets every item on the list without crying to Hashem, Abba Abba, Tatti Tatti how can you be so good to me?  חמלה גדולה ויתרה חמלת עלינו

Thanks for keeping us up to date (no pun intended )!

very happy for you, 1daat!

sounds very good. may it be with mazal and bracha

thanks for the brochos, guys. 

Dinner with lady of interest last night because she's leaving Tues.  So this morning up starts the yh.  "What do you want with a relationship?"  "What do you want with a relationship with some old wrinkly lady.  You should have someone much younger (someone more like a porn star would do nicely)"  "Think of how much you like being alone".  Blah blah blah.

This is actually good.  Because I have never dealt with the yh in a real relationship.  I was crying with joy just a few days ago that now Hashem sends me an opportunity to love someone well, rather than lust after all the goodies a relationship will bring me.


So now it's put-up-or-shut-up time.  I talked with the rav and he said, "We'll take this one step at a time".  Not bad for a non-program guy.

This is either going to be about my growth in learning to love someone well, or it's going to go the way of all the other yetzer driven relationships I've been in.

For me there is only one solution:  I must daven, hard, for "H's guidance, along His path, and take whatever I'm given to do.  I can't think of any pluses to a relationship right now, let alone a relationship with a real live woman.  This is good.  If there's no sexual or other lust in the situation, then it's all about being a decent caring person to her, and what comes for me comes (get your bleeping head out of the gutter, will ya!  > )

Oy, I didn't bargain for so much reality.

1daat wrote on 22 Nov 2011 00:14:

;D.  Good line, and good post.  Thanks!

I have a friend from shul.  Late 20's.  A tyereh Yid.  New family.  I give him a ride home from his workplace sometimes.  We talk.  He came to the USA from Hungary, married and settled in St. Louis where they opened a file with Immigration to process his becoming a legal resident on his path to citizenship.  Then the immigration agent became somehow convinced that theirs was a sham marriage just to get him legal.  Wedding certificates, affidavit from the Rav, wedding albums, their baby--The agent's still suspicious.

Fast forward, they move to the west coast, and do the drills to have the case sent here.  They're told by their immigration attorney that it looks like things have moved forward and that they should get approval in 4-6 weeks. 

Yesterday morning, 6am he's in the shower and 6 INS agents push into their apartment take him from the shower, tell him to dress, and take him to jail.  they won't let him bring tallis, tephilin, siddur, nothing. 

Fortuantely the Chabad rav network went to work on the situation and were successful in getting him siddur, talis, tephilin and kosher food.  He can't get a bail hearing until Monday.  The rebbitzen did some homework and found out that while he's in jail, it's not a bad facility, and he's been given his own cell.  B'H

My nephew who is a well known immigration attorney, says he's in trouble if the judge wakes up with a crick in his neck.  He could be looking at rapid deportation.

Chevrah, could you please daven for him.  For obvious reasons I can't give you his name.  Whatever you can do to appeal to Hashem to reveal His rachmones, His Chesed in the midst of this, I appreciate very much.  thanks guys.

that is so sad.
i am saying a kapitel for them now