369 days. Today.  Thank you chevra.  Tatti, help me through today, still.

As i've posted before, my daughter's mother, my -ex, is dying.  My daughter has moved her mother into her home for her last days.  We're praying that Hashem gives her through the first week in November, when she is supposed to get the lifetime achievement award from her profession. 

When i went to visit my daughter I took a side trip to visit my ex and talk.  We didn't pretend.  No secrets.  It was a beautiful thing.  This is just one more example of the impact GYE has on people's lives.  For helping me get clean each day, for helping me find my precious God who helps me keep growing, seeing his daily miracles in my life to where I can even dare hope it could become a flow, for bringing me friendships and avodah on this cite that have endured over time, that make me laugh and cry and learn and grow, from all this, GYE has touched the lives of every member of my family, the lives of my closest friend, and even the life of my Rav and his family.

Guard, who ever you are, wherever you are there are no words.  Only these tears.  I can not tell you what you and the work Hashem has given you to do have brought to my life, and the lives of so many people that my life, in turn touches.  I see it in every relationship, in just the little day to day hello's, and how ya doin's.  I see it in my patients, who talk now with someone who can actually listen, with something more than my ears and mind.  Thank you.  Kol Ha'kavod.

To my chevra, after yontiff let's tip a few.  Bards, I'm sorry, Woodford tastes like burning firewater doo doo to me.  I don't know how you drink that stuff.  But I have a stash of Crown Royal.  Now that's le'chaim.

G'mar...

crown royal thats a perfect name for the erev yom kippur lechiem
wishing you a gmaar chasimeh toveh

Gmar Chasima Tova
369 days, that's (almost) a perfect 5771. You are an inspiration and your posts are so beautiful.
Le Chaim:
http://ts2.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1204416618061&id=393d36fb6ffd496e3b28f74e8d998d66

1daat I just read your post and will donate 36 dollars to gye.I loved to read how you actually apply recovery to your interactions with real LIVE people.have a gmar chasimah tova

1daat a Gmar Chasima Tova to you.  And a thank you:  Yesterday, I finally confronted a situation that like my lust addiction would hound me every Yom Kippur.  When I finally did it I felt such a weight being lifted off my back and I feel like that I can approach Yom Kippur with having at least taken a real and concrete step forward.  Hopefully Hashem will give me the inspiration to continue working proactvely on this inyan.  But I definitely took inspiration and encouragement from you in getting the guts to do it.  Thank You.

Hi Showoff, Wow!  What better way to honor a person.  Thank you.  Gmar chasima tova to you and everyone whose lives touch yours.  Blissful fast. and thanks again.

Hey BB, Crown Royal Black!  If only we could really drink a le'chaim, eh?  Thank you for always being there, encouraging, blessing, teaching, and being my go-to model for determination.  Gmar chasima tova.  This year zohar leyning went went blessed.  Wow!  Another ness.  Easy fast, chaver.

Shmeicheleh, Love your picture. Great name change. Thanks for keeping it light over here.  G'mar chasima tova.

ur-a-jew wrote on 07 Oct 2011 14:48:
 

Of course he will.  You're his son, how can He refuse?  Even when it seems he's not contributing very much to the project, He always comes through in the end and shows me the wisdom in his not seeming to be there when I needed him.  A couple weeks ago I overheard somebody ask the Rebbetzin what emunah was.  She said that when she was little she asked her father, and he said, "Emunah is when you have something hard to deal with, to know that it will end well.  That it isn't well yet, just means it's not the end yet."

I'm so happy to "hear" how strong you are feeling.  Chazak v'ematz.  Well done.  To go clean into Yom Tov is as clean as it gets.  Mazel tov. 

I want to remind myself publically that after Yontiff can be full on yetzer time and to pay attention and set things up to be with people so I get past that first blast.  v'la boker reenah.

G'mar chasima tova.

I came really close to messing up tonight.  So here I am.  Blind Beggar, thanks for everything.  As soon as I crank up my avodah, the yh just comes right in through the cracks.  I know "H put it there so we can make our choices.  I know I should just ignore it and put my head in the solution.  I know lots of things.  But right now I just hate that mf.  I hate it I hate it I hate it.  I wish it'd just leave me alone for a while, like a hundred years.  I'm so unbelievably weak.  After all this work, and time, and being clean.  I can't believe how I was thinking about going  to have a peek.  Nut nuts nuts.  I am nuts.  I am still nuts.  I will be nuts after they throw dirt on me.  I am so freakin arrogant, thinking I was in the clear.  It was like day one.  Will I ever learn.  okokok.  So now it's beating me up.  The more I say how much I hate it, the more emotional its got me, the more out of control I am, the more vulnerable I am.  Gotta slow down. I need to find out what's bothering me that I'm not paying attention to.  Bye bros, I'm off to do that. 

the y"h is trying to lure you into his nest like the heyini with his smile
dont buy off his reasons, its all pure nonsence
just stay away only for today
ONE MORE CLEAN DAY THATS ALL

grab a gemara

don't look into reasons

delve into bava basra

GOT THAT

You do not have to be a Breslover to respond to stupid thoughts by dancing around the room calmly and while talking to your own loving G-d.

Just for clarification: Not all Breslov chassidim dance wildly in the street, only the Na Nachs. Normal Breslov chassidim dance calmly after davenning. They talk to Hashem standing or sitting, often in a forest at midnight, but not usually when dancing.
Dov is not a normal Breslov chossid. Neither is Guard or Chief Rabbi Saks.

what would I do without you guys???  Thanks, you can't believe how much.
Shmeichel wrote on 26 Oct 2011 09:20:
  Slap! Slap!  I needed that. thanks  As in one day at a time???

TehillimZugger wrote on 26 Oct 2011 14:48:
  Hi TZ.  amazing that you said that.  Before I read your post, I went to work through a knot in B. Metzia.  I GOT IT!  That was also one of the better funny posts.  this thread can get pretty serious sounding.  thanks again

dov wrote on 27 Oct 2011 02:04:
  Yuk yuk.  Another succinct post by Dov.  I needed the laugh so bad.  I signed off of my last post saying I was going to have a talk with Him to find out what was happening deep inside.  the Hisbodedus always works for me.  All I need to do is remember.  In fact when I'd fall, my old sponsor loved saying, "The most important word in recovery is 'Remember'".  Anyway, after getting to the bottom of things, which is always the same bottom--drifting away into inflation, arrogance, self satisfaction, blah blah blah--I ended up posting one of my magillahs in response to something in mynisayon's thread, and shared what was happening for me, too.  So I forgot to post the followup here. 

My experience is that when I get pulled up short, and see the same ol' stuff again, it takes me a while to really settle back down.  What I need to be watching out for this time is that when I
DO settle down, and talking with "H gets up close and personal, not to zone out into complacency.  It just feels so good.  It goes straight to my head.  And then, evidently straight to the other head.


Blind Beggar wrote on 27 Oct 2011 10:53:


Hi BB.  On what authority do you have that the above listed Breslovers are not normal Breslovers?  Dov especially seems to know about calm dancing and chats.  Or do you mean that they aren't normal.  Period.  And that they also happen to be Breslovers?  That would make them Breslovers who are not normal, as opposed to not normal Breslovers.  Can we please beat this to death?

thanks again, guys.  Full day at work. On time to daven.  Now to eat and do something normal.  Like dance in the middle of Pico Boulevard at Robinson.  The Hood.

Git Shabbos/roish choidesh (How was that?)

The truth is that Dov is not a Breslover at all. I deliberately wrote it to make it sound like I was saying he is not normal. ;D Then I added Guard and Rabbi Saks who are obviously normal and non-Breslov.

Wishing everyone a clean Cheshvan.

It is a well-known fact that Cheif Rabbi Saks is a Breslover Chosid and sleeps with a big white beenythingie on his head.

OK, maybe it isn't.

OK, so maybe it isn't even true. But it sounded like fun to say right now.

Bye!  :o