Day 1:
I've had enough of my life. And I've had enough of playing victim. Telling myself I'll change when things get better. Waiting for work to get easier, for people to change, or for my mood to improve.

I'm done. First thing I'll do (as Jordan Peterson would say) is to clean my room. Just a minute....

Okay, I'm back. The room is clean. 

I've been struggling with porn for many years now. These are my porn addiction symptoms:
I'm not present. 
I don't enjoy doing anything. 
I'm scared to talk to people. 
I objectify women. All I see is their body. 
I'm getting delayed ejaculation, DE. It takes me a long time to finish my business with my wife.
I haven't earned money in a long time.  
I got so depressed. I had no motivation to work. 
I have no will to live, basically, besides taking care of my kids. That's what gives me drive. 
I have no spirituality in my life. I want that to change. 

And today's the first day. 

Yesterday, I fell - I watched. PMO. 
Today, I'm just so sick of everything. I did start watching porn, but I got so sick of myself that I couldn't continue. I stopped in the middle. 

I feel like I hit rock bottom in every area of life. I have no religion or spirituality. No good relationships. No social life. No career. No self. 

I know what I don't want. but what DO I want?
Over the next couple of months, as I work on finding myself, I'll also have to figure out my purpose. Why do all this?

I'm ready to build myself up.

Welcome dear brother!

Glad I can join and follow in on your journey to greatness.
Keep strong! keep on posting! 

I suggest that you reach out to the main mentor, hashem help me, at michelgelner@gmail.com. You have a lot of work to do. I suggest that for now you should start by taking small steps doing things that are meaningful to you and connecting in a meaningful way with other people. HHM will be able to give you much better advice based on his knowledge of your situation and his expertise. Keep on posting and sharing and keep us updated.

We love you! Thank you for sharing! Hope you find help! And I believe you will! Somatic therapy is something that I find helpful ( although sadly withdraw from it) . Perhaps it could work for you! Just davened for you! God bless you and all the people in mercy!! 

Dear Brother,
All I can say is that I feel your pain, I can cry with you and daven for you.

You will bezh get over this, one day you will look back at this, from a place of true freedom and tranquility.
We believe in you and are rooting for you!
Stay strong!!!

your brother who doesn't know you, but feels your pain and most importantly, believes in you!

Wow that's what I call an introduction!! 

That seems like a painful way to live. 
As pointed out, I hope you stick around and use the resources here. Many were in your situation (and worse!!!) and have managed to pull themselves up and rid themselves of this terrible burden. 

There are a few things you'll learn here. 
But that's for later. 
First, please reach out to HHM. 
I can only encourage what yitzchokm said above. He's the #1 address for people in this situation. 
I don't know anyone that regretted speaking to him. 

Wishing you all the best on your journey and I hope you continue to share with us the ups, downs, downs, ups, downs, downs, and eventual breaking free with Hashems help. 

Hatzlacha. 
odyossefchai

Hay bro
That sounds very tough 

I would suggest the first thing is block all your porn access, if not it's very difficult to hold back when you have easy access. 

You will get over this, friend!

With love 
Puppy

Day 3: I've been given a new lease on life!

Or at least that's what it feels like...

I can't divulge personal details, but BH, something I was working on came through, which allows me to sorta' get a second chance at my business/career.

This issue was stressing me out to the point of feeling hopeless - to the point where sitting down to work became a cue to distract, which made me feel useless, thus craving some positive feeling (dopamine), & I'd turn to porn.
This just happened yesterday. So today is Day 1 again. But today, with this newfound hope for the future, I finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I can feel a sense of purpose running through my veins. 

I'll start the next post with this header: Day # / 90 - Attempt 2 - Total days: #

Because no matter how many attempts it takes, I'm not bowing down to porn anymore. Right now, it has me wrapped around its finger - knowing when to show up, how to convince, and how to justify. My brain is working against me due to a high dopamine baseline, victim mentality, and bad habits.

I've been thinking about the 90-day challenge - length and reset parameters / what to do during urges / if I fall ch'v, what to do to avoid a total relapse. More on this in my next post. 

Bye for now and stay strong!