Good morning, all.

Sadly, I gave into the struggle and had an M fall last night. Oh well. Clean eyes though.

Sticking to my gedarim regarding leisurely Internet use when no one is around. Not going to get into a rut again.

Day Count: 0 Days
No 'P' Count: 11 Days
Cumulative Count: 1670 Days

Love the two counts !! It helps keep us in perspective that it's not all or nothing!
   Your friend lamah!

Hello, all.

Thankfully, I had a clean day yesterday with no post-fall downward spiral. Keeping my guard up.

Day Count: 1 Days
No 'P' Count: 12 Days
Cumulative Count: 1671 Days

Good morning, all.

Unfortunately, I had an 'M' fall yesterday. Clean eyes. I am sticking to my gedarim about leisurely Internet use. Keeping my guard up.

Day Count: 1 Days
No 'P' Count: 13 Days
Cumulative Count: 1671 Days

Hello, all.

Thankfully, yesterday was a clean day. I am working on increasing my resolve to refrain from P&M. It can't be an option.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 23 Jun 2025 18:25:

The day count alone is an insufficient assessment of one's progress. A day is an either-or. Either you are 'on track' or you 'had a fall'. That doesn't capture the smaller wins. The amount of times that one said 'no' or that one stuck to boundaries/gedarim to avoid being triggered in the first place. I have far more wins than I have falls. Today, I can report two weeks since looking at P. 

Day Count: 2 Days
No 'P' Count: 14 Days
Cumulative Count: 1672 Days

Good morning and a gutten chodesh.

Expressing gratitude to Hashem for another clean day yesterday. My plan is to keep my guard up and stick to my gedarim.

Day Count: 3 Days
No 'P' Count: 15 Days
Cumulative Count: 1673 Days

Good morning, all.

As I have written about in the past, now is the time when I feel confident and start breaking through my gedarim. Not this time. I am going to refrain from leisurely Internet at work today and make it another clean day with Hashem's help.

Day Count: 13 Days
No 'P' Count: 25 Days
Cumulative Count: 1683 Days

Hello, all.

I am grateful for two weeks clean of M.

As I begin my work day, I am not struggling at all around P or M. However, I am struggling with allowing myself a few minutes to casually use the Internet. How bad could it be? I have a meeting in 15 minutes, I won't be נמשך.

Still, my decision is a resounding 'no.' I have a גדר that I will בל"נ not use Internet recreationally unless others are around. I am alone now and, therefore, it isn't going to happen.

Day Count: 14 Days
No 'P' Count: 26 Days
Cumulative Count: 1684 Days

Just watched Beating the 2-3 Week Hurdle. I found it very normalizing and helpful. Check it out.

Good morning, all.

I am grateful for another clean day. Yesterday, I stuck with my geder of no recreational Internet use when no one else is around.

I started the work day today reading Lesson 2. Are You Ready for This Level of Support? and watching Turbulence in the Brain. Both in the 'Daily Plan' on my GYE Dashboard. When I joined GYE, that content was yet to be part of my experience. Even if it was available, it wasn't front and center on a dashboard. When it first appeared, I ignored it. I come here for the day count and the forum. For some reason (read: divine assistance), yesterday, I decided to start reviewing the content. It has already made a big difference. I feel like my struggle with P&M is more serious. I feel more motivated.

Day Count: 15 Days
No 'P' Count: 27 Days
Cumulative Count: 1685 Days

Hello, all.

Grateful to Hashem for another clean day. I stuck to my plan to refrain from leisurely Internet use when home alone. I also found that I spent less time on my phone. My phone isn't one of my problem devices as it has the GenTech filter that only allows whitelisted apps and no browser. Still, I noticed that I am slowly moving away from always turning to a screen.

Started my work day reading Why This Changes Everything and watching Urge Surfing. Good stuff.

Day Count: 16 Days
No 'P' Count: 28 Days
Cumulative Count: 1686 Days

Good morning, all. 

I am grateful for another clean day. I am continuing to stick to my geder of no leisurely Internet use when no else is around and I don't plan on changing any time soon or ever. I have plenty of other things to do.

I started the work day reading Finding Your Partner and Starting Right and watching Embracing the Messy Truth About Recovery. These readings and videos have helped me.

I don't think a short forum post will do my thoughts justice, but I do want to share one point that I don't think I have ever shared on GYE. My sister has been in NA for close to 20 years. She is an inspiration. The question of 'am I an addict?' has plagued me for my entire struggle. I always remind myself 'addiction runs in families.' I tried so hard to stay away from alcohol and drugs because I didn't want to end up with the issues that my sister had. Is my pornography and masturbation use my addiction? I have never had a ruined relationship, loss of employment, loss of money over it, so maybe not. I don't build up a higher tolerance nor do I have withdrawal symptoms, so maybe not (although according to Turbulence in the Brain, I do have withdrawal symptoms). I don't think I am in denial as I acknowledge the struggle and have been part of GYE for over five years.

The real question though is 'what difference does it make?' This week, especially through watching those videos, I came to an understanding. Convincing myself that I am not an 'addict' has prevented me from having a stronger resolve to stop. Despite the negative religious implications, I have led myself to believe that my struggle is not that big of a deal.

This is for me: IT IS A BIG DEAL! Watching pornography and masturbating are not options. The answer is 'no'. I can never do them again. 

So, am I an 'addict?' Whatever answer will help me to never again view porn or masturbate is my answer today and always.

Day Count: 17 Days
No 'P' Count: 29 Days
Cumulative Count: 1687 Days

first of all you rock!!! You are incredible that you are continuing to grow and fight this!

You give me such good inspiration that it is all or nothing. While, I have an amazing streak bl"h I still have such a struggle with basic shmiras eiynayim in the streets. You gave me such a good chizzuk - Even if I have a streak by GYE standards I still have to work on myself, and even if I can't do 100% all the time, still everytime is an acheivment and everything on its own is amazing!

Second of all, the addict question is always a great and mind plaguing q. 

I personally over the years came up with a little bit of a middle ground. That is the difference between being an addict vs. doing things that are addicting. In other words, you never heard anyone having a broccoli addiction or a shower addiction. These are just normal healthy activities that pretty much we naturally can balance. However, there are things that are very prone to addictions - smoking, alcohol, drugs, p&m, and general internet usage. Everyone should realize that dealing with these things you are dealing with something that is prone to addiction. It means that these things require being more in-tuned and honest with ourselves if we are doing something that is safe and healthy.

For example, someone who has a glass of wine on Shabbos and goes for the second glass should realize that alcohol is an addictive substance, there are people who's lives are destroyed from it and I shouldn't just drink irresponsibly. Possible decision 1) I plan on going to sleep anyway soon, I haven't had a second glass by the meal in a few months, and I don't have kids who could learn a bad behavior. Go for it. 2) My teenage son keeps trying to drink by the kiddush and I should really set a good example. Skip.

Anyone who is visiting GYE should realize that this is an addictive substance! It is possible that most people (no clue the actual info) on GYE are not medically considered "addicts," but we are all dealing with something that is addictive.

So I say, unless you are in deep water, you don't need another reason to beat yourself up by calling yourself an addict. But, at the same time since this is something that is addictive why not take all the help and extra precautions to make sure we are making decision ourselves and not ourselves leaning towards the unhealthy side. 

!!שבע יפול צדיק וקם!! וקם!! וקם!! וקם

realestatemogul wrote on 12 Jul 2025 22:40:

Thank you, realestatemogul. We've been in this together for a long time. I appreciate the brotherhood and connection. 

Grateful for one month clean of pornography. I am making real changes and I am not planning on stopping anytime soon.

Gut voch.

Day Count: 19 Days
No 'P' Count: 31 Days
Cumulative Count: 1689 Days

Good morning, all.

Here's to another week clean and free of P&M.

Day Count: 20 Days
No 'P' Count: 32 Days
Cumulative Count: 1690 Days