That spoiler was true to its word.

I'm curious who those people are. Anyone who can be named? Or just regular know-it-all guys who know nothing at all.

I know little about christian theology, but the way you implied the concept of powerlessness as being doomed to sin, and surrender to God as seeking some sort of salvation was as foreign to me as the quote from Paul in your post. I've read a lot of stuff on recovery and been to hundreds of meetings and not once have I come across that misconception. Powerless means nothing more than my inability to overcome the temptations on my own, something I had come to realize long ago after trying everything I could think of, and surrender is turning to Him and others for help whilst putting my own self-will aside. Does the fact that I believe I'm not a self-sufficient almighty who can manage everything on my own make me doomed, wicked and inherently sinful? If anything, the program teaches the opposite, that we can recover from lust if we take the right actions of connecting to Him and others. I'm really sorry that you feel the way you do about yourself, but if you do ever decide to gain an inside look to the program, you'll be quick to learn that every single one of those horrible adjectives is blatantly and absolutely false.

Instead of seeing things through the eyes of Paul, try this, lehavdil.       

guardyoureyes.com/forum/13-BEIS-HAMEDRASH/393191-The-Tefila-Approach#393191

Seems Paul believes in G-d (somewhat).

But, he doesn't also believe in himself.

Guess his friends didn't love him enough to tell him.


You are worth it.
You are worth everything.

iwillmanage wrote on 17 Apr 2025 09:48:

Well said. Very well said.

I wasn't saying powerlessness is a christian concept. But there are people who (without experiencing or fully understanding SA) have tried to pasul it as such. And after seeing a dose of straight up Christian theology I can see why people are very nervous about the concept. Because, as someone who has felt very hopeless about the aveiros I feel like I cannot control, I can see why that christain theology is something that needs to be actively avoided.

I should have clarified in my original post but you know how it is on chol hamoed. Kids keep on interrupting. I had more to say on Paul too. Oh well.

Checking in on this fine isru chag.

Yom tov was nice. Not "launched into the stratosphere of cheirus and kedusha" nice, but nice.

Here's the idea I'm trying to take away. See Rav Gedaliah Schorr parshas Bo, d"h 10 makos and 10 mamoros. But the summary is that the posuk in shir hashirim says "mushcheinu acharacha narutza." Hashem pulled us and we ran after him. This is exemplified by the korban pesach Hashem "leapt" over our houses, pulling us from impurity to nation. Compared to matzah we ran after without waiting for the bread to break. Yetzias mitzrayim and krias yam suf.

The idea I'm trying to take out is that I need to accept Hashem took me out of mitzrayim. My job now is to run after him, all the way to har sinai. I cannot rest on my cloud of glory and assume all will be good. I need to act with zerizus and continue on, but on a higher level.

Anyway. That's what I'm trying to work with.

Today I took off. Spending the day with my kids drives me up the wall. Idk why it's that way, and I don't like it, but it is what it is.

Seriously lost my cool at my kids today. Took a break in the bais medrash instead of on my computer. Calling that a win.

Been busy. Been clean.

Lack of access to the site these days. Please reach out and keep in touch guys!

Keep rocking brother!!

chosemyshem wrote on 25 Apr 2025 23:10:

And a little more time today while my wife took my kids out, so naturally I'm using the time to get in a nice hefty dose of GYE while she's out. So there's time for a little more comprehensive check-in.

I've been cruising along since Pesach. Not sure exactly how long it's been, but somewhere around 3-4 weeks. I caught myself staring at a an advertisement the other day and realized it's been a couple weeks since I did that. Feels good.

It's been less challenging since pesach. Pesach itself was easier - I know many people find the yom tov stress triggers them to fall. But for me personally I rarely fall to masturbation without porn these days. I need the warm up or something, idk. So with the wife and kids around all day it was just practically hard to fall. Even shemiras einayim in the streets over pesach was not as challenging as it could have been (I think something's been clicking with that, or maybe I'm just on an upswing.)

After pesach b"h I started the new job and it's been very busy. I told my boss (frum guy) I prefer to use only filtered internet. He appears to have completely ignored that (although I don't know whether or not there's some monitoring from the company). But my desk is literally in a hallway - with my back to the hallway so anyone walking by can see my screen. Not only anyone in the office, but actually anyone walking in the hallway outside the glass office door can see my screen. So far that's been more effective than a filter. Especially because I'm trying to use my computer for only work - having your boss able to see your screen at any moment is pretty effective for encouraging that.

But it's not perfect. The computer is a laptop so just one quick turn can hide it from passing eyes. And there's going to be at least some significant amounts of time when I'm alone in the office. My self-imposed geder of not moving the screen may not hold up very long. Not to mention that as of now I need to bring it home over the weekends in case I need to work. And it's been busy now which is so very helpful but what's gonna be by the inevitable slow times . . . ?

Trying hard to not stress about all those future possibilities. I am going to try to get it filtered if possible, but I'm not going to let it build up in my head to some impossible itch that needs to be scratched. Trying to have a little faith in Hashem and myself instead.

Started doing amud yomi as well. That's been keeping me busy, though it's not as involving as I was hoping. In additional positive news, I've continued abstaining from non-jewish novels since pesach. Staying away has been going well, so why turn back to something that was problematic.

I have less time on the forum since I mostly was on here at work. Trying very hard to not do anything personal on my work computer, the app doesn't work for me (see last week's grouch), and I can't go on the forum with my wife around (she'd want to read over my shoulder and I'd have to take my sheitel pin back from Red.) So doesn't leave much consistent access.

I also don't have privacy at work. Which for me is honestly a good thing, but means I can't hang out on the phone with GYE friends. It is what it is. I would appreciate people keeping in touch.

That's the story. Keep on truckin', one day at time.

I like StayFocusd for my unfiltered work computer. That with my kabala bli neder not to use tech to relax (other than gye 20 mins a day) seems to have some teeth at least for now.

Shem maybe ask your boss if you could filter the computer yourself. Like that it'll get done actually...   And then add in something dramatic like I haven't touched a unfiltered device since my bar mitzvah or something like that. To make it clear how strong u feel about being on unfiltered internet.
   Hatslacha!!

kavey wrote on 28 Apr 2025 07:15:

I tried stayfocusd previously. Wasn't very helpful for me personally. A blanket rule about personal internet use on the work computer has been marginally more effective.

Been noticing some more urges the past few days. Trying to be careful about staying away from the first sip of lust, which these days has been coming up on the streets. But trucking away continues.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 29 Apr 2025 16:56:

That's a decent way to get fired.

Kidding. I actually was just gonna filter it myself. But I don't have an admin account on the computer.

Actually, the other day tech support remoted in with no warning to do something for the network. Very very VERY grateful I wasn't watching porn then. So there's some fear of that happening again which is good.

Checking in.

Still clean. Definitely a little slipping at the end of the week last week, but feeling grateful that the area of slippage is in shemiras einayim in the streets and not hardcore porn at the office. Still something that needs work and a lot of care that it doesn't become that first sip that drags me off the cliff. One tough thing is that my new job is in a much more urban and crowded area, and the streets are just alot more intense than where my previous job was. And keeping your head down while driving is just not so shayech. . .

Actually a funny story about that. I was thinking over shabbos about what works in the street and what doesn't. One thing I used to try was to look out for interesting stuff on the sidewalk - Rabbi Miller has a shtickel about looking for coins or something. And I so on shabbos I decided that that doesn't work since there's never anything interesting on the sidewalk and I should focus on other tools. But Rabboisei! Pull out your guitar and hum along! Hayad Hashem Tiktzor! There I was walking along this afternoon, and I happened to glance down. And what did I see? A hundred dollar bill on the ground!

Never happened to me before. Absolutely blew my mind.

Now, this would be a better story if it motivated me to keep my eyes down. Which it hasn't so far. We'll see. I've been getting somewhere with the "women on the street are not your eye candy" so hopefully I'll be able to keep on working with that. But it's tough.

The GYE calendar has me at 32 days but no idea if that's accurate or not. I have not been checking in at all, trying to actively avoid it, but needed a little chizzuk so checked in for the boost from the "streak." Either way, glad to be clean today.

That's amazing but I feel like you left out the most important part. If it was Shabbos what did you do?

chosemyshem wrote on 04 May 2025 21:01:

This reminds me of an amazing story with a profound lesson I heard recently.

A Ben Torah had a dream that he found a couple of hundred bucks on the street on Shabbos. Being a Ben Torah and all that flair, he started rummaging through his extensive knowledge of loopholes to see how he could take the money and settled on the good old "Graf Shel Re'i." He did his worst, and just as he was about to bend down to move it out of the way, he woke up and realized that only the second half of the story was real.

To echo Shem's words, Hayad Hashem Tiktzor?

I'm so glad you found it! Lemme pm you my address so you can return it, I've been looking everywhere