Mazel Tov!!! Mazel Tov!!! In your short time on this holy forum, you have managed to inspire so many with your efforts and perseverance. You have changed yourself, and allowed yourself to believe in what you once thought impossible. May you be זוכה to be the catalyst for all those that have a hard time believing. You're gonna go far my friend, and you're gonna bring many people with you, back to our Tatte in Himmel.

Mazel Tov!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not 90 exclamation points)

Amazing work, onwards and upwards!!!!

Muttel

WOW! WOW! WOW!!!!!!
CleanMendy, this is beautiful! You are an amazing inspiration to all of us, and to me in particular
My dear lichtige friend, keep flying higher and higher, and take us along for the journey!

I broke my geder of no randomly browsing. Continuing with the gameplan.

Do you have an accountability partner for this geder? 

I know for me, it would be extremely helpful...

proudyungerman wrote on 31 Mar 2025 22:19:


I don't feel like telling him something so minor, again I'm not talking about inappropriate browsing.
Id rather just post on here.

cleanmendy wrote on 01 Apr 2025 14:57:

I was suggesting asking a different friend to help hold you accountable specifically for this. 
I know that it would do me good to read TBOTG every night, but I was having a hard time getting it done. I found a friend who was also tryin' to read it, and we now hold each other accountable. 
I know for myself that while posting here is powerful, this works even better.

I was going on a walk with my kids today, out of the corner of my eye I saw something, without thinking I turned around to go the other way to get a better look. I caught myself and continued on my way.

My YH quickly started telling me, see, your hopeless, did you see how you automatically turned, you'll never beat this. Its just a short term thing, your doomed for failure in the end you may as well enjoy now... He went on and on.

But I countered, yes, I automatically went to get a better look, but then I stopped myself. That sure never happened before!!!!

So I am getting places! Maybe even for the rest of my life ill start looking and then stop myself, I honestly hope not, but I could do it.

On the next corner my carriage broke, a whole new slew of sevaras. Hashem didn't accept your holding back, He doesn't see... He doesn't reward you.

This was a little harder for me, cuz I've had that mindset for a while, that Hashem has to pay me instantly for my good deeds. I know its wrong, I hope to read the chapter in TBOTG that discusses this point tonight.

Wow
You beat him again
Keep it up

cleanmendy wrote on 02 Apr 2025 01:00:

תניא פרק כז - worth seeing the whole thing
ולכן, אל יפול לב אדם עליו, ולא ירע לבבו מאד, גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו, כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו, לאכפיא לסטרא-אחרא תמיד.

Day 96

I had a slip on Friday, the details don't matter but it was giving into a certain urge I've had for a while.
I should have called a friend before but to be brutally honest with myself, the reason I didn't, was because I wanted to act out in that way, deep down I didn't wanna stop that.

Over Friday it really bothered me, I changed so much why do I still feel I want this?

On Shabbos I went for a walk to think about it. I came to a very important realization.

I was relying on the 'system'
Ill explain, I was relying on the fact that I'm talking to friends, I read TBOTG, I'm on the forums, I did 90 days, what else was there to do?

The truth is all of this is vital for getting past this. But the real idea is, to change inside. To take these ideas we learn and make it a part of who we are, internalize it.
Really many ideas I did internalize, but this urge I just let pass me by. I never thought about why I want to stop. Every time it came up I just called a friend to white knuckle my way through. So eventually I fell in that regard. Now that I thought about it, how I do want to stop, I dont believe Ill have this problem in the future bezh.

Have a great, nonstressfull Erev Pesach everyone!

Just want to put it out there, how much your beautiful posts inspire me and give me (and I'm sure so many others) Chizuk when I read about your journey. It's an awe inspiring real journey, where despite the occasional slip up, you keep on pushing forward, learning from mistakes, and incorporating it into the game plan, toward the goal of breaking free completely. True חירות!!!

amevakesh wrote on 06 Apr 2025 16:50:

R' Amevakesh you brought me to tears, the chizuk you give me, as well as all the other holy mevakshim on here is what got me to where I am today!

Hi friends, since Chol Hamoed time I've been dealing with a lot of constant urges. Yesterday it got much worse, constant fantasizing. 

But when I realized the sheker of the YH it helped me immensely, the YH was telling me that once the urges start and keep getting worse it wont stop until I get the release my body needs. So I may as well just let myself act out. There's no point in fighting it.

This is the biggest lie out there. Our body isn't a pressure cooker that at some point will explode. Its not inevitable that if I have an urge than I have to act on it. If I ignore it, than it'll diminish.

Which is exactly what happened, I tried to ignore it as much as possible, reminding myself that I dont do this anymore. I woke up today feeling much better. Even though yesterday I was parked outside some unsavory places...

Yesterday I had a tayvah, but today I don't. This is how our life goes we have tayvahs, its ok to. It wouldnt be ok if we didnt!

KOMT

Great stuff! 

Another related point that I like to think about in this context is that my urges and desires aren’t nearly as important as the YH makes them feel. Yeah, I may want to do something. So what?

When I’m in the middle of a meeting and I feel like eating something, it’s not important enough to stop the meeting. It’s not hard to push off eating until later, because my feeling of hunger isn’t nearly as important as what I’m in the middle of doing, and it isn’t Michayav me to do something about it. It’s the same for other desires and urges, too. 

This might sound trite. You may respond: “I want it now!”, “ why are you telling me that it’s not important?? It is important to me !”  
It has helped me to realize that I can work on minimizing the importance and weight of personal desires to myself. 
Game Changer. 

Keep up the good work, 
מאן דבעי חיים