Day 70 BH!
Reflected on the following recently:
I've had a p/m problem for quite some time. Unfortunately, I let it define me and become my core main focus - "if only I could fix this, then everything would be fine and dandy." BH I am at day 70, and really only rather recently, because of the cognitive space I have from the issue as well as davening for overall life clarity, I was able to realize that there are other psychological factors in play as well, for which p/m is related to but not the main focus of.
The interesting part is, I spoke with a therapist when I had less space from these issues, and I thought p/m was the end-all thing. I couldn't pin nor link it to other areas in my life, as I thought it was so overwhelming. I was convinced it was just a habitual thing. For me, only after having some space now was I able to reflect and sort of see how my life fits together and p/m was more of a symptom than a cause (although it wears both hats).
And I'll be honest - on the one hand, it is rather scary to feel like I'm besting something that's been plaguing me for a while, only to then find out that there's more work to do in other areas on a deeper level. On the other hand, it feels emotionally exciting to finally, authentically, be able to talk to and really understand myself. TYH for giving me some more clarity about myself!
Wishing everyone all the best!
(PS: ODAAT is great, but I did just realize that my day 90 (IYH) will fall out on pesach. While day 90 isn't a magic solution, there's definitely some עבדות לחירות symbolisms there)
