Hi Everyone,
so...I thought I will share my current experience with the oilam for myself to try understand where I'm at and for others to read and maybe get some advice, chizuk and sympathy too. I was doing well got to day 60 and really had no urges at all in that time. I noticed myself starting to slack with staying in touch with people, although it was busy over chanuka etc...
After day 60 for me I started getting urges, I was physically tired, bit worn down and also starting feeling a bit angry and frustrated for large chunks of the day. About a week after chanuka I still hadnt managed these feelings at all and managed to reboot my phone from my work computer which resulted in the filter (and apps, photos etc.. that weren't backed up on the cloud) being deleted and unfortunately fell back into the old p&m habit one evening. The next morning, i headed to tag and got the filter put back on the phone so back on wagon which is good.
Looking back, I do think that for me as the days grew on my dashboard, my confidence grew which is great but maybe my perceptions of myself were also not totally accurate. The point I've learned is, dont focus on the big number of days on your dashboard or at least remember that however far you've come, you can always get tempted again so take it with a pinch of salt... I also think that whilst you can change habits to stop using this as a method to escape your frustrations in life, they can always be changed back again if you drop your guard too much. It's hard work to change yourself but it's harder work falling. The choice is ours! Planning on posting the days daily for the next 90 days and thanking Hashem for the zchus to have the mindset to keep fighting on! So BH day 2!
