I have little to say. Other than self disgust. But I will take a small step of stepping out of isolation, and start journaling from here. From zero. 

chaimfine wrote on 04 Dec 2024 16:48:

Forget the self disgust. Be proud of yourself.

You came to change for the better, and that's worthy of pride.

As a side point you came to the right place. You just wait  someone will offer you a warm hand and a hug. 

Help will always be given at GYE to those who ask for it.
Hatzlocha .
Red

I am disgusted at myself that I have tried to change for decades. And I am disgusted - and hesitant - about posting her, because I trolled the (granted, old version) of GYE and wasn't ready to change. I am just...done. 

Welcome Chaim to the warmest family. Great first step you're taking by doing that. Stick around post away, and cut yourself some slack. You're a lot better then you think you are. The YH wants you to feel worthless, as long as your down and depressed, he has you in his clutches. Chin up, step out of isolation, and you will beat him FOREVER. There may be ups and downs on the road ahead, but when traveled with friends, it's a whole lot easier. We're in this together. Read some of the threads, get to know the Oilam, they are literally like family, the warmest, most caring, non judgmental people you will find. Hatzlacha on your journey, and looking forward to hearing more from you!

chaimfine wrote on 04 Dec 2024 16:48:


In the words of his majesty, William Jefferson Clinton, 'Shalom Chaver'

If you are grumpy and miserable, well you won't be lonely! You are already amongst friends. 

Don't blame me for the old GYE! I'm only here three months. 

May Hashem bless you on your journey. The only achrayus that you have, is to stay on here and reach out to make friends and stay in touch with people. ביחד ננצח (politics season is never over. Campaign slogans can be used at any time. 'Yes we can' etc) 

Welcome Chaim!

I can totally understand your feelings because I felt the same way. For years!!
However it is not true! You are not a disgust at all! The fact that you took the first step to post here shows makes you beloved by Hashem! (If you don't believe me read my thread where I posted  such a question That I sent to Harav Elya Brudny Shlita) 
Besides, you have now joined the warmest family you will ever meet (or not). Everyone accepts you and fully understand you as we all have struggled with these things. The tzadikim here will help you reach places you never dreamed you can reach! Reach out to the greats here, who helped many already! You will on your way to success faster then then you thought possible!

Wishing you much Hatzlacha on your journey! (I am on the same journey!)
Keep posting!

jollylemur95 wrote on 04 Dec 2024 17:48:

A great place to start, read the letter (guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/425923-Re-Striving).

Welcome R' Chaim! What a smart move to put yourself out here and get welcomed by the warm family. Please keep us posted on your journey. Read some posts and reach out to someone whose story talks to you.

Hatzlacha Raba!

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
You will also learn, as I did, that I am not a worthless piece of garbage, rather a heilge neshama that Hashem loves and cherishes, even with my many faults.
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program, the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.
(Captain, I got the link! It's right here!)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com, and iwannalivereal iwannalivereal@gmail.com Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com. 
(This tool was most effective in helping reframe my picture of myself.)


Looking forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

P.S. Here's a warm hug from Red...

No Tainos on old GYE. We love GYE. Ok chaverim, that is indeed encouraging. I have spent decades working out emotional garbage; and truthfully, for the first time in my life, I feel ready to get rid of my coping mechanisms. But...I feel...old...and as if...I missed the chance to truly defeat this monster. 

R' Chaim,

I'm the same age as you and since joining GYE 35 days ago and embracing all it has to offer you are not too old to defeat it!! Reach out to the great people mentioned above, they'll teach you how to approach this with a new mindset and you'll be amazed and proud of yourself.

To quote Joey Newcomb: It's NEVER to late to correct your mistakes, cause we know EIN SHUM YIUSH BAOLAM KLAL!

chaimfine wrote on 05 Dec 2024 08:24:

I don't know how old you are, but in the summer there was a yid who joined who was 68. Last I was in touch with him he was doing great.
It's never too late...

Just to join the chorus here, welcome!!!

We'd love to hear from you and support you in your journey back to reclaiming yourself, your heileger neshama....

Feel free to reach out...
Muttel

chaimfine wrote on 05 Dec 2024 08:24:

You are perfectly on time to defeat the yetzer hara of today.  Any other y”h is absolutely irrelevant.  
hatzlocha. 

My kids call me an alta kaker and I'm in my later 30s!