Hey just want to put my feelings out.
I have been clean for exactly 9.5 months BH. What got me to finally quit was GYE shovavim program. So while they started the journey, I did most of the work on my own i.e without a mentor or anyone to talk to as I was going through it. BH my life has gotten much better since then and the level of taavah (for m, not for women) has drastically dropped. However, I still struggle with shemiras einayim and bein hazmanim is still hard for me not to look up bad things. My issue really is, is that I see all the posts of the guys who are starting out, their ups, their downs, the things HHM told them, Yiftach told them etc... I feel like I also need someone to talk to, to hear me out but like, what am I going to tell them? That I've been clean for 9 months? That I'm in a good place and managing my taavos? I basically feel like I don't have a right to need outside help. I think there may also be something deeper going on here, insecurities etc... Want to know if this is normal, if anyone else experienced this. 
Thanks guys, I really appreciate you and want to hear your opinions

Shalom Avi,

Everyone needs friends. Everyone can benefit from connection and sharing, regardless of where they are at in their journey. You are no less important that anyone else!

BH I am doing well in these inyanim too. Still reach out to HHM, Yiftach, and anyone else. Please feel free to email or message me as well. 
BenHashemBH@gmail.com
313-444-2264

I do relate to the insecurity of feeling that someone else needs the attention more, but I'm working on myself to be "selfish" and at least sometime push to get time with the people who can help me get closer to Hashem.

Continued Hatzlacha

Dear brother Avi, 

The main purpose of reaching out to friends and mentors is not just to get guidance on how to stay clean,
It's more to have someone to talk to while you're going through a struggle (nissayon) big or smaIl, even a struggle to look at someone in the street.

The benefit of talking to someone at that crucial moment is 1. To distract yourself from the struggle which happens by just shmusing (doesn't have to be about the struggle just anything that you can think about, everyone on GYE knows of that and will be excited to just shmuz and help out a fellow brother)

2. To have accountability to someone, even if you don't call during the crucial moment, just knowing that you'll need to talk to someone and be accountable to him helps win the fight during that crucial moment.

3. Yes you do gain a lot of knowledge from talking to someone, not always is he going to tell you something new or a big chiddush, but by talking over the basic stuff clarifies the stuff in your head in a way that only you can understand, after all everyone has their own mehalach halimud according to the way their head thinks (as a magid shiur I see this on a daily basis my words get interpreted 38 different ways, so much so that by now when I prepare my shiur I think of all 38 mehalchim that it's going to get interpreted to), so therefore when you talk over the basic stuff that you already know from reading it somewhere or hearing it from someone or in a GYE video, talking makes it sap into your head according to the way you understand it THEN IT SUDDENLY DOES BECOME A HUGE CHIDDUSH and you can also say I learned this NEW THING from HHM or anyone else that you spoke with.

So let's go brother Avi don't be ashamed just pick the phone make a connection turn someone into your friend whom you'll feel comfortable to call during the struggle of looking in the street and boy will you see massive HATZLACHA 

With love your brother akiva

avifl wrote on 15 Oct 2024 10:49:

Hello there Friend, 
Regarding whether it is normal, for sure! Many of us have insecurites related to being our wanting help, asking for it etc. 
What would you talk about? maybe this... whatever comes up. You may not click with everyone you speak to, but there are wise and fun people here.
Please don't be shy, check em out

Thank you for your message. It really makes a difference that someone understands. 
While I know its true, just the thought of doing it sounds so daunting. I feel like I should be the guy with all the clarity on this, since I've been clean for so long... I know, no one ever has all the clarity but... I don't know anymore

avifl wrote on 15 Oct 2024 19:49:

I hear... talking to others doesn't need to be only about brainstorming about p and m, though.

Thats true. I do know that throughout my younger teenage years, I always had an intense craving for someone I could speak about these things/life with but didnt feel I had it. Maybe that has something to do with it??

Hello Avifl
welcome to opening up.

Just to share my thoughts as an addition to the chevra here. (I hope it does not come out as כל המוסיף גורע)

I was clean for about 4 months following other people's posts and reaading, but staying in the backround. One of the chevra found me lurking and reaached out to me. He pushed me to open up.
I cannot thank him more. I have gotten much further than I could have gotten on my own.

I have developed friendships and very helpful skills to beat this monster.

Give it a shot. In the worst case you will thank us.
All the best, keep flying!