odyossefchai wrote on 31 Mar 2025 12:14:

Dear Brother, 
Can you please elaborate on the bolded parts of you quote? 
I'm not clear on what you are looking for, but happy to shmooze it out and see if we're compatible. You have my number chaver.

Hi Od Yosef Chai, it's been a while. How is your life and family? 

I was just catching up with this thread. It is so inspiring!!!

Hi gents 

So yes, apparently I have been gone for a while. 
For good reason.

Let's do the good first. 

BH my streak continues. 
I have stayed clear of the stuff that wasn't good for me. No P or M for me. And coming up to a full year. 

The bad.
I still struggle mightily with Shmiras einayim. Ok that's not true. I don't struggle with it. I just don't bother keeping it. 
My wandering eyes (and brain) are on a 24/7 mission to seek out the nice sights of the other gender. 

Maybe if I stick around, I'll talk about why I took a break 
(Was nothing to do with anyone here. BH I'm still in touch with several good Yehuds from here. Some of whom I meet on a regular basis!) 

I hope everyone has a delicious Sunday. 

So if you look next to my name, you'll see that I've completed an entire solar year of being free of an addiction that has gnawed at my brain for 25 years. 
It's weird. 
I don't really know how to process the feelings. 
On the one hand, it's pretty cool. 
But on the other hand, yeah it's cool too. 

I'm pleased with myself coz it's something I wanted for a long time. I think the initial work was the first few months where breaking free was so challenging. 
Hashem has helped me a lot. 

Much has happened over the last year. 
Some challenges that almost broke me. 
Some challenges that did break me. And some challenges that I grew through. 

There's way too much going on in my brain now to formulate all my thoughts. So I'll write them down and maybe share at a later date

One point I want to share and hopefully it will give people chizzuk. 

Back in the old days when I was in the clutches of the addiction, I could barely get through the day. Every woman I saw on the street, I ran to release. If I was in the grocery and a woman leaned over, I ran to release. If a woman reached up and I saw 1/4" of skin above her waistband, I ran to release. 
Every single woman I saw, was like water given to a thirsty traveler lost in the desert. It strangled me. 
I couldn't stop thinking about a woman's "parts"
I was chalishing to think about them every minute of every day. 
It caused me to watch and release on erev and motzei yom Kippur (thank God never on RH or YK and I don't think any yom tov either) 

Now that I have cleaned my behavior, I am no longer dragged down daily to low levels of feeling emptiness in this area. 
The whole 'horninessometer levels" have been turned way way down. 
I'm not sweating and panting from every woman I see. I feel I'm much more of a normal human who has basic (or maybe a little more than that) Shmiras einayim struggles. 

I'm not gasping for air, every time I see a woman. I no longer have to run to the bathroom and watch and release several times a day just coz I saw a girl walking past my house. 

I'm not in the death grip of the yetzer hara. 
BH this is a massive relief. A huge bolder that sat on my shoulders for 25 years, no longer weights me down.
It's definitely a huge relief to not have this constantly sitting on my brains.
It's Huge
 YUUUUGEEE
BIGLY. 


may the Master of the world
Give you all strength to continue your difficult journeys and may you all be zoche to cleanliness and happiness. 

(Im sticking around BN!) 

Mazeltov!!

May Hashem give you many more solar (and/or lunar) years of freedom and the peace of mind to enjoy it deeply! 

I love this description of your burden and the freedom from it. It's giving me something to look forward to. . .