Incredible progress! Keep on crushing it!

On other notes:

1) did anyone here find the surfing the urge technique (the video with the waves etc.) in this website helpful? I'm sure some do, but when I used it once, I felt that it just makes me think about the urge more as opposed to pushing it away... or am I doing it wrong? Do what works for you. I'll share what works for me. Pushing it away takes a lot of self-control energy. Feeling the urge and recognizing that I don't have to give into it does not take so much energy.  I don't do the whole waves thing, but I often actively accept that I'm having the urge, recognize that it's fine to feel an urge, and remind myself that I don't have to give in. 

2) Thank G-d, I'm not currently involved in the following but I've had a hard time getting the correct definition:
Is pornography only when its full on nudity and acts of intimacy (This seems to be the definition that comes up when you google it) or is it even the typical love scene clips from movies etc.? And, which way does GYE define it when they refer to it? The 90 day chart has rules (vaguely defined as "improper sites). Halacha has rules (any intentional looking at a women's body would be a violation of lo sasuru). What triggers you is for you to decide. The recent GYE emails covered a concept of "red zone, yellow zone, green zone" you might find helpful.
I personally have zero comprehension of the line between a love scene in a movie and porn. The line between seeing this part of the body or that part, this specific act or that, is just too arbitrary. This is probably because for a very long time I would watch "love scenes in regular movies" just to stimulate myself. It became like a whole pattern. So for me, I consider intentionally watching a scene like that a fall. 

3) (sorry if this is a dumb question...) what is the cumulative clean days in the 90 days chart? If I'm clean for 28 days, whats the 56 cumulative days exactly? There are no stupid questions! (In theory. In practice we'll let you know when you are being dumb). Cumulative clean days are the amount of days since you started tracking. So if you are clean two weeks, fall for two days, and then are clean another two weeks, you'll have four weeks of cumulative clean days and a two week streak.

P.S. Mods if write anything that might be triggering to some please let me know and feel free to edit. I have a hard time figuring out what are the actual limits. Famous last words

I personally have zero comprehension of the line between a love scene in a movie and porn. The line between seeing this part of the body or that part, this specific act or that, is just too arbitrary. This is probably because for a very long time I would watch "love scenes in regular movies" just to stimulate myself. It became like a whole pattern. So for me, I consider intentionally watching a scene like that a fall. 

Here we go....
BACK TO 0... 

I knew I wasn't meant to... I knew it was Elul... I knew it would mess up my progress... I knew all the issues it could bring... But while I did manage to push off a bit, I eventually gave in (presumably just one time, only to be followed by a few more). 48 hours of breaking a progress of 35 days or so... מה נאמר ומה נדבר...

But its a bump, hiccup or whatever you want to call it ,and we'll get back up again. Sheva Yipol Vekam... (Not to justify or downplay the aveirah but to encourage myself to recommit to this journey)

My takeaways are as follows (in no particular order...):

1.  Never ever allow the thought that maybe once I reach a certain milestone I can let myself take a break and get back to it. It's extremely foolish (yes, I knew all along it was a bad idea but I guess I toyed with that idea in my thoughts here and there for a bit until it became just a bit more normal).
2. Work with the amazing tools available on this website such as the F2F (and actually implement it) and not rely on myself too much... For me personally it was hard, as sometimes being on GYE reminded me of these things and I feel like it might have brought certain urges, but its gotta be the right thing to do. Can't fight the enemy if you don't know how it works and what tools to use to defeat it...
3. Identify what brings me to those urges (mostly social media...) and try to curb its usage as much as possible and only use when absolutely necessary for work.
4. The level of ruchniyus has to go up, for those desires to go down. Strengthen one to weaken the other (up for discussion: כל הגדול מחברו יצרו גדול יותר or something like that. How does that go together with what I said? יש לעיין.
5. There might have been more points but im exahusted and gotta go to sleep.

The way כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול הימנו, and אין מחשבת עריות אלא בלב הפנוי מדברי תורה aren't a contradiction might be that if a Talmid Chacham stops learning he is at a greater danger of falling than an Am Ha'aretz who doesn't learn. Also, a Talmid Chacham who sees something improper will have more bad thoughts than an Am Ha'aretz who sees something improper. Chazal also say that there was an Am Ha'aretz who trangressed Yichud and nothing happened and the Amora said that if it was him he would have fallen. We see from this that for a Talmid Chacham boundaries are more crucial than for an Am Ha'aretz. So, if an Am Ha'aretz has an unfiltered device and nothing happens don't apply it to a Talmid Chacham because the latter has a greater risk of falling.

35 days is really good. 

Did you even think you could get to 35 days clean? 

Interesting question. I'm not sure. I don't think I ever really gave up hope, and knew that its probably possible and other people have done it, but I definetly did not believe that it would happen so soon that I quit for such a (relatively) long period of time, when this was a daily habit, multiple times a day, R"L.

I haven't had a streak like that in 15 years. 

Yesh Tikvah! You'll get to much longer streaks IYH

I think you have to tell yourself that 35 days is more than an entire month of cleanliness. 

It means you beat the yetzer hara 35 to 1. 

Any boxer will consider that an amazing record. 

That's a good way to look at things

Try again to hit another round of 35 days. 

(I know the feeling. Sometimes deep inside, your brain tells you that this challenge is just something you cannot defeat. You feel that you can go a few days but that challenge will always be there. And for that, I cry for you, for everyone here and for myself. It's so painful sometimes)

So I think the good part after this fall, is that I know that I managed to do 30+ days and it's doable