Entering Day 3 of this journey BH.
Can't wait to get to 90 and more.
Hope to post often of my journey.
Thanks all!

Welcome aboard to the warmest family in klal yisroel!Wish you good luck fighting this battle! 

WOW!
Wishing you much Hatzlacha, I'm davening and rooting for you!

(take my advice from experience, or don't. your choice. But focusing on just today has been very useful to me. The only thing that matters is today.
The past is past, and you should be proud of your accomplishments. Use the chizzuk that it provides.
For the upcoming day, If an urge comes, tell it to wait until tomorrow.
And tomorrow you don't have to worry about until it comes. and when it does, just say to it again, I'll see you tomorrow.
I hoped that this is useful for you. If not, feel free to ignore it or question it, or comment on it, or delete it, or whatever.  whatever works for you
Looking forward to seeing your accomplishments posted here!
All the best,
Ezra W

Day 7!
BH
Its getting easier BH. Can't deny that there are still some moments where a thought quickly passes through my head, but I quickly push it off and also watch my Shemiras Haeinayim which prevents the next step. העין רואה והלב חומד...
Another thing that I believe helped me was that even with my wife when she is looking extra attractive etc., I try to not think of just that aspect of her but her as a person, as a wife, mother etc, and that really changes around things and prevents the constant desire and need for that pleasure which could lead to masturbation.
(maybe this thought also connects to מאמר חז"ל of אשה חמת מלא צואה, the way the meforshim explain it)
Its sometimes hard for me to write about these things (even though its anonymous) and I hope it doesnt trigger anyone that perhaps is in a more challenging part of the journey, but I believe that its probably good for me to write, and have the accountability, as well as the fact that if its mechazek even one person its worth it.

Any thoughts, dear friends?

I don't find it triggering at all. It's relatable. 
Keep being mechazeik us!

Day 11 BH
It's starting to get a bit harder 
Still going strong BH and hey at some points I despaired that I'll ever manage without it for too long, but here I am 11 days in so that's pretty good progress!
But the temptations are there (which I assume is normal). Its crazy how challenging it is in our world today. Even without looking for issues, you end up seeing things (even tzniusdik) that might trigger shmiras haeinayim issues, and even worse, the M word... How do you get to 90 days or even better, a lifetime, without it, when you were doing it every day, multiple times a day?
I guess we have the strength for it though!

If anyone has some chizuk, feel free to share.

Thanks in advance 

yeshtikvah85 wrote on 22 Aug 2024 17:37:

Brace yourself. You are about to get the chizuk you asked for in the form of ODAAT.

Thanks EzraW
This is good advice! Just reread now. Exactly when I need it.

On a different note, yesterday when I found myself having an urge, I just told the YH straight up "Dude, I will not let you" 

Lol. Thanks.
Didnt know those initials. Is that One Day At A Time? (quick google search)

yeshtikvah85 wrote on 22 Aug 2024 17:42:

Yup. A tremendously beneficial mindset. The past is history and tomorrow is a mystery. Today you can do it.
Hatzlacha

yeshtikvah85 wrote on 22 Aug 2024 17:37:

Some would tell you that we don't have the strength for it - but G-d does. And will do the job for you if you surrender your life to his will.
Others would tell you that we don't have the strength for it - but if we find the joy and pleasure in staying clean we won't need strength.
Very few people will tell you that the way through is just by bearing down and saying "NO!" (though of course that has worked for some people and the only rule is "do what works for you.")

Strength is needed. But if all you're doing is trying to flex your way through this it's simply unlikely you have that much raw willpower.

So what are you doing besides saying no?

It's also not helpful to think about the future (in that way). It's kryptonite for me, and I'm sure for many others. The goal is to be clean today. 

chosemyshem wrote on 22 Aug 2024 17:49:

That's an interesting mindset. I like that.
As to your question: currently my way of dealing with it is mostly by saying no, busying myself with other things, and reminding myself that I have an amazing wife. I do also take pleasure and joy in the fact that I've been clean so far.

excellent progress!  \\

28 days!
BH!
TYH!

No masturbation and no looking for pictures of women on purpose, but I'm at a stage where if I happen to see something I might gaze at it for a bit longer than at the beginning of this 90 day journey. Nothing major, but instead of just the 1 second that I happen to see it and then quickly move on, it might be 10 seconds or so. Don't have the exact seconds lol, but the point is that I feel like I'm starting to let myself look at these things a tiny bit longer which is a bit concerning.

I still have urges for masturbation here and there. They are usually low intensity, though yesterday when I went to take a Shabbos nap it was a bit harder (that's also when I used to do it many times... ) and while it didn't get too intense, a thought escaped into my mind that hey maybe I can break it once and have that "pleasure" and then start again, but I quickly banished that thought because a) my previous history b) I really wanna change.

Anyhow long story short, I think I'm getting used to not watching things or masturbating, and some days might even go by with zero urges (specially if I'm super busy) but there are concerns that I might fall again, and also the fact that I let myself gaze for a few more seconds instead of just moving on. Its hard! Though I get some encouragement from the words of the Baal HaTanya in Chapter 27 of the Tanya.

On other notes:

1) did anyone here find the surfing the urge technique (the video with the waves etc.) in this website helpful? I'm sure some do, but when I used it once, I felt that it just makes me think about the urge more as opposed to pushing it away... or am I doing it wrong?

2) Thank G-d, I'm not currently involved in the following but I've had a hard time getting the correct definition:
Is pornography only when its full on nudity and acts of intimacy (This seems to be the definition that comes up when you google it) or is it even the typical love scene clips from movies etc.? And, which way does GYE define it when they refer to it?

3) (sorry if this is a dumb question...) what is the cumulative clean days in the 90 days chart? If I'm clean for 28 days, whats the 56 cumulative days exactly?

P.S. Mods if write anything that might be triggering to some please let me know and feel free to edit. I have a hard time figuring out what are the actual limits.

yeshtikvah85 wrote on 09 Sep 2024 03:34: