6:45 on friday. A few minutes to shabbos. So far today was Clean. Last Friday night I had a fall, today I hope to stay clean. The trigger from last week isn't around for this week so hope to do it. Good Shabbos!

Edit: Day 7 Friday clean. Yay! A whole weak without M. Hope to pull through going forward.

Shabbos day 8 Clean. It was around now that I fell in my past streaks. Hope to stay strong!

From reading your thread I see that you aren't doing the Flight to Freedom program. This is probably part of your problem. The program is a mix of virtual videos and a speaker that will rewire your brain and give you the practical tools to win. Towards the beginning of the program there is an exercise of three questions to answer; what is bothering me with my current behavior, what are the worst things that will happen to me if I continue my current behavior and what are the best things that will happen to me if I change my behavior. It should fill up a few pages to answer these questions properly and they should also include many things about your day to day life that aren't spiritual. In addition there is a core values exercise where you choose at least 5 core values that are important to you. Almost all of them don't have to do with yiddishkeit. It is because you didn't do these exercises that you are torn between your desire which is still what you really want and the theoretical spiritual importance of being clean. After doing these exercises you will probably really want to be clean and your desire to fall will only be static that is trying to distract your true desire and want to be clean.

Another tool from the program is acknowledging your cues, meaning situations, emotions and feelings that are your triggers for a fall. Once you recognize the triggers you can choose tools from the toolbox for each trigger so you don't fall. In addition the program teaches how to deal with setbacks so that you pick yourself up right away instead of it leading to more falls.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There is much more to the program. It is really worth doing it and absorbing every word. I spent many hours doing it and I took notes and summarized everything. Even it you don't take notes make sure to absorb every word. It can be a life changer.

Start with this and hopefully it will change the chessboard for the better. All the best.

Day 9 clean. 

Day 10 bchasdei hashem Clean.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 26 Aug 2024 22:41:

Definitely a challenge in your neck of the woods….

I know how every stone on every Jerusalem street looks…. And I still saw too much…. Just avoid second looks and try your best, brother!

With hopes for you to see the benefits of challenge,
Muttel

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 26 Aug 2024 22:41:

Hashem sees how hard you are trying and loves you for it!
Remember, he doesn't expect you to be perfect, all he want's is for you to do your best.
Not only that, but from my experience, the longer I fight (using the tools at my disposal) the easier it gets. 
So hang in there! we're all rooting for you!

Day 11 and 12 Clean.
Yesterday was a bit surprising that I stayed clean due to the fact that I was alone and bored all day (tbh I didn't have much urges).
Today I was quite busy all day so didn't have time for anything.

Regarding P today is day 28! Completing 4 whole weeks!

Day 13 Clean.

The past 2 weeks which I was clean I had fully packed scheduled days. Moving forward (at least till the new zman starts) I do not have much to do. I hope to stay strong and be able to fight the battle I am about to face!

Friday day 14 Clean. Making me clean from M 2 weeks!!! Longest streak I've had for a while!