Day #1



I relapsed a ton of pornography. Right now I’m feeling the urge to continue watching porn. Hopefully things will get better. I don’t see if future or I’m Watching porn forever.

To quote someone or another what’s the plan baby. Play offense not defense 

Do you know the situations, thoughts and emotions that are your triggers for watching porn? Can you write a detailed description of how you see your life being better physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually if you were to refrain from watching porn? Can you write a detailed description of how porn is affecting your life in a negative way? At the end of the day, the decision of whether you are going to refrain from watching porn is up to you. How do you feel about it?

lionfree wrote on 10 Mar 2024 18:53:

Guard beat me.

Day #4 March 10.


this morning I set up my iPad for the first time and because there was no parental controls on there I was able to access pornography. However, aside from that, I did have a great day. I hang out with one of my friends and I went rock climbing and did yoga with her. I also did tefilin and spent time with the Rabbi kids.

Even though I had a setback, I still managed to make a good day

When I watch porn, I go through Einstein’s definition of insanity. I keep on doing the same thing expecting different results that maybe this time I’ll get the ultimate pleasure. When I was first starting off, it was fun but now it’s just monotonous and I feel terrible afterwards. 

often being isolated or alone in my room is a big trigger. Also, just thinking about being single is rough. However, I do know that when I do eventually enter a relationship, I will miss these times to a certain degree. And I want to learn to enjoy being single.

If your trigger is a feeling of loneliness and this leads you to P&M then the solution is connection. You can do that by building friendships with people on GYE through private messages, email or chat, attending orthodox Jewish programs on campus or by socializing more with men on campus. In addition, doing something that you find meaningful, whatever that may be, will take away some of the boredom of loneliness. Also, since you are interested in getting married, you may want to pray to G-d that you find your soulmate. Our sages say in the Talmud that this is something for which we should pray as it is something that requires finding in order to get it.

With all of these activities you will end up feeling better afterwards whereas P&M only makes you feel worse. Remind yourself about this last sentence whenever you have an urge for P&M and turn to one of these other solutions instead. Aside for the benefit of these other activities it will also make you feel good to exert self-control and overcome your desire to watch P&M. It will make you feel like a free man and G-d will also take pride in your actions. Wishing you success.

lionfree wrote on 11 Mar 2024 06:53:

I love that last line. In my case, my falls were at night and I would just give up on the night. Anything positive I wanted to accomplish I would just give up on and hope for a better tomorrow. I love that you got up after your fall and had a good day.

Well, just because I had a setback doesn’t mean it’s a bad day. Just because I whacked off at the end of the day doesn’t mean I did anything wrong for the rest of the day. I’m happy I had a great day. I just need to work on that one bad thing. And I know I’m ahead of other people because at least I recognize it’s a problem for me.

yitzchokm wrote on 11 Mar 2024 13:51:

Day #5 March 11

last night my dad said I should essentially be getting more experience with girls and have a good time. I told him I’m not interested in that.

Today I was reading a book about epicurean for school. The Ideas that humans naturally reject pain, and seek pleasure and that’s not a bad thing. I’m surrounded by so many And maybe one of them might be interested in me. 

Succumbing to my temptations I got a hookup app. I started sexting people and jacked off. 

immediately after I felt terrible. I felt a little bit sick. These apps never got me any matches and was really just a way to tease myself with something that I don’t need nor is good for me.

It’s just frustrating because I haven’t really made a day without porn and masturbation for a while. I’ve done it in the past but because I keep Doubting righteousness of my goal I falter.

He’s just really frustrating that the people who should be proud of me, for this are the ones who discouraged me. 

At the same time, maybe that’s why I’m so judgmental about other peoples lifestyles. Feel like I get way too pissed off at people for dressing, a certain way or having promiscuity. Perhaps that come from my dad judging me from my lifestyle.

Either way, Epicureanism might be a good lifestyle for some people but not for me. 

P&M and sex phone lines are making you sick and they are not good for you emotionally as well as spiritually. Writing down on paper or on the computer all the pros and cons of these activities, and how they affect you physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, should help you gain clarity.

Regarding being with other girls, what you really need is deep emotional bonding and a lasting relationship. Transient relationships with single girls often make lasting relationships that include deep emotional bonding and commitment an unfulfilled dream. Even if one of the transient relationships becomes a permanent one, the level of bonding, the strength of the commitment and the pleasure of being married is often compromised compared to someone who didn't have extra-marital relations with his wife before marrying her.

It is beautiful that you are praying to G-d for your soulmate. May he listen to your prayers and you should find her when you are ready.

lionfree wrote on 12 Mar 2024 04:53:

That is an awesome attitude! 

(I thought Epicureans believed n simple pleasure and not hedonistic pleasure-seeking? I'm thining about R Noach Weinbergs 5 levels of pleasure.)

DO you have a sense of what it is that makes your father discourage you? Is he worried it;s unhealthy, or just buys into the fantasy of what youth is supposed to be, or is trying to live through you? Maybe someone can give advice how to explain to him.

Your father may have your best interests in mind but sometimes it might be a boundaries issue where he doesn't allow you to live your life the way you see fit because it doesn't sit well with his beliefs. Either way, it doesn't always help to explain why you are doing things differently. Sometimes all that needs to be done is to show your father tremendous respect for who he is as a person, and appreciation for all the good he does for you. Also, state that you know many people who will agree with him and say the same thing but you have a personal preference to do things differently. It is very important not to have a confrontation where you are each trying to prove each other wrong. It is futile and it may cause you to give up doing what is best for you. If your father is receptive to accepting an explanation of the reasons for your choices then you can explain it to him.

This has been my experience in dealing with my father, although my father is also religious, and I have done so with many other people as well. You can ask your chabad rabbi for guidance and whether he agrees with this approach.