Daily post. Sticking to my plan.

Day #24

Daily post. Starting off the work week reminding myself to stick with my plan and keep my guard up.

Day #27

Daily post. I got my annual receipt of payment from Gentech for my phone filter. Money well spent.

Day #28

Daily post. Just because I had a bad or hard day, doesn't mean I have to end it with a pornography/masturbation session. A hot shower and a good night's rest are good too.

Day #29

Daily post.

Day #30

Daily post. Not a good morning so far. Child rearing. צער גידול בנים is a real thing, but I have to stop to appreciate something:

There are two unfiltered devices in my house right now. Everyone has left for the day. My stress level is high. And this was my struggle: I have about a half an hour before work, should I do my workout now or should I clean up the kitchen for Shabbos? Accessing pornography and masturbating as an escape was not even one of the options. Wasn't even on the radar until I sat down to write this post. Before I joined GYE, now over four years ago, my response to the high stress would've been different. That is something to celebrate!

It doesn't mean that I won't get an urge or be triggered anymore. Not my point at all. But is it an automatic that when I am tense or stressed and alone that I have to masturbate? Not anymore.

Please, everyone who is reading this and doesn't have a long streak, don't think that you aren't changing just because you don't have a long streak. Since my 230 day streak, I haven't had a streak longer than 32 days. But that doesn't mean that I am back to the beginning, pre-GYE days. I have come a long way and it is not just the last 31 days.

Day #31

I think you posted in the past why you can't filter all your devices but do those reasons still exist? It isn't usually permitted to have unfiltered devices even when they don't lead to falls, as was posted by davidt in Hilchos Shmiras Einayim.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 15 Mar 2024 12:17:

frame these words and put them on the wall!!! 

very inspiring. And very true about every form and process of growing. 
thank you !

Daily post. Sundays are usually easier as I am with my family for most of the day. Still, can't let my guard down.

Day #33

Daily post. Checking in at the beginning of the work week.

I have tried to convince myself at various times that focusing more on my struggle with pornography and masturbation will be counter-productive. I should just move on and ignore it and make good decisions. Well...that hasn't gotten me very far. I have noted over the last month that the increased posts, texts, activity on GYE, and davening has not made me more obsessed with the struggle. I don't think about pornography/masturbation anymore than I had when I wasn't. In fact, I think about it less because I am not doing it.

Day #34

Daily post.

Yesterday was more challenging. I found myself snacking more after lunch and I wasn't getting any work done. I felt like I was in that pre-fall zone. But that's just it. I identified that feeling. Got up, took a nap, and a hot shower and resumed life.

Last night, I had stress at home. I was very tense when I went to sleep. I thought about masturbating, but I didn't. Just a thought.

Day #35

Daily post.

Day #36

Hey, didn't you write at the beginning of this thread that you haven't gone more than a month in the past few years?
Congratulations on crushing that milestone! Mazel tov!

chooseurname wrote on 20 Mar 2024 13:57:

Thanks! 

Daily post. I missed yesterday's post. My personal laptop was in a different room and I was very busy yesterday. Amazingly, even though I was at work for several hours, I was able to control myself and not use my work computer for anything not related to my work. I don't plan on relying on my will power, but it does get easier.

Here I am with my personal laptop next to my work machine. I am not interested in letting my guard down anytime soon (or ever).

Wishing everyone a great Shabbos and an awesome Purim!

Day #38