Hi,
up to day 97! B"H having a much better day today, woke up early learned before shachris, and had a solid morning seder. IY"H the afternoon will go swell as well.
I realized that I never shared about this: Every morning I start with one of Rabbi Moshe Bambergers Great Jewish Inspiration or Faith books and find in there a motivational and powerful short quote to take with me throughout the day. IY"H I want to start sharing them along with my posts here but not sure whether I should start a new thread for it. A large part of the chizuk comes from the picture that is along with the quote but I think there is what to be gained just from the words themselves.
Todays quote (I forgot who it was from) is: Hashem desires your success more than you desire to succeed. 
I found this very fortifying because Hashem also is the one who is creating the nisyonos and controlling everything around me including the yetzer in my brain, so if Hashem wants me to succeed more than I want to (which is a lot, depending on the day) then it's like having the referee on your team.
Hatzlachah to all those fighting alongside Hashem!

"The cloudy days of life are forecasting a downpour of blessings from above" - The Noda B'Yehuda

B"H had a good weekend. I started really putting in an effort to spend time together with my wife, playing a simple game which we both enjoy was a nice breakthrough, it doesn't take much thought and lets us both relax.

After my post I realized that there were 2 major things I wanted to post about:
1) I just got the book B of the G and am planning IY"H to start reading along with the group, I think it will help me a lot to read it in the morning which sort of "sets up" my day. Looking forward to joining that amazing chevra, a big shkoyach to the guys who started it and run it (I think eccentric composer and it looks like captain is involved, thanks guys and anyone else behind the scenes) and for the guys who are part of it posting daily it really is going to help me.
2) So I'm planning on going to this rally on Tuesday (PLEASE DO NOT POST DISCUSSING THE HASHKAFAH OF WHETHER TO GO OR NOT) and I'm a little nervous of being exposed to preitzus there. So I'm posting this now and IY"H will post an update of how it went after I get back.

I feel myself getting sucked down the rabbit hole, amazon is calling my name. I know what I have to do to avoid it but the drug is calling me, oy it's not always so easy.

This sounds a bit weird, but close your eyes and imagine having a conversation with someone else where you are convincing him not to do the thing you want to do. Meaning explain to him why not to go on amazon right now. And have him argue back all the reasons you're thinking of

OK, I guess we'll call that a slip or setback. Went on amazon, but then checked back on the forum and saw your post and got hit by a bolt of lighting and shut it down. Thank you so much for posting because it reminded me that I'm not all alone in the struggle, thanks man.
Itinerary for tomorrow (or Wednesday) change the filter password and make sure I don't know it, officially amazon is blocked but since I know the password it doesn't help much. It was pretty good until tonight when I learned that I can also turn off the skin filter besides for accessing different sites.
Hashem still loves me and I'm still trying to do the right thing. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's hard, but as long as I'm trying it's all gonna be ok.

"Regardless of how many times you fall, keep on getting back up." - Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin

BH even though there very definitely women at the rally dressed in a non-beis yaakov format Hashem helped me and i made it through! My eyes may have lingered for a moment too long once or twice but overall it was good. Especially when I think about how it may have been a year ago, in contrast I was basically a Malach.
I was listening to Rabbi Shafier's the fight series last night on the ride back where he talks about how the YH ramps up the fight as you get better at it, and it got me thinking, the nisayon I had a few days ago with amazon, if that had happened a month or 2 ago it would (probably) have led to a fall. I was vulnerable, alone, tired and accessing, while not pornographic, definitely inappropriate pictures and videos. there's no way I would have made it. Maybe thats why the YH brought it up now, because now it's a fight and with Hashems help and ainshumyeush's post I made it through.
Hashem loves me and wants me to succeed.
As the battle goes on and we gain advantages and strategies, the enemy too becomes more well equipped to attack us. We must hold our ground as the war wages on, and continue to push back the waves of aggression that threaten us. Fight on fellow warriors!

"The greater the opposition, the greater the victory." Reb Shalom Schwadron

B"H things are going well. Asked my wife to reset the password on the filter so I can no longer get on amazon. IY"H things will continue to go well as I march towards 120!!!!!!!

hopefulposek wrote on 21 Nov 2023 19:24:

120 days or years?

Baby steps I meant 120 days but 120 years clean would be nice also

(I left my card with the quotes at home so IY"H I'll do a double next time)

I wanted to lay out the areas of struggle which I still find myself getting stuck in:
1) Women on the street. Even though I have gotten better at not ogling from across the road, I still find it awkward to stare hard at my feet for the 20 seconds until they pass and even more if I'm following behind her.
2) Flashbacks to things I've seen in the past coupled with fantasies. The strategy I use now is to stop and say to myself "This may seem interesting, but right now I have other things I need to be doing." or if I'm not in the middle of learning or davening "I might enjoy this for a few seconds but the enjoyment is just a building of the anticipation, and since I'm not planning on watching P or engaging in M, it will only hurt me when I have to hold myself back." 
3) Finding loopholes in my filter and L'shem Shomayim investigating them to see if they are actually an issue. I recently discussed this with my Rebbe and he suggested, to treat it as a problem unless it will be a tremendous tirchah to block it, and if so only check to see if it's an issue with someone else there with you, or better yet get someone you trust (or someone from TAG) to do it for you. Sounds like a good idea which hopefully will work the next time.
4) Not properly appreciating the great strides I am making in the fight. I think this comes as a result of increasing the focus in other areas of my life, but I'm not sure. I did start reading B of the G which is very inspiring but still many times I go through the day without giving myself a pat on the back for doing a good job and coming so far.

With Hashems help these problems will fade away as I continue to stand strong against the typhoon of temptation.

"If the torah obligates us to returns ones lost objects, how much more must we return ones lost souls." - Chofetz Chaim (A shoutout to all those people who have  assisted and are mechazeik me and others who are struggling)

(still forgot the book at home so I owe you guys another one:) )

B"H things are still going well, reading the B of the G every morning is helping to keep my focus and not get hijacked, B"H had a few struggles with thoughts/fantasies today (during davening and shiur) and was able to refocus, not by brute strength but by calmly refocusing my attention. 
I had a habit of taking a morning walk during which I would plan out my day and visualize how things would go as well as various bumps in the road that could come up (not specifically to do with taavah just in general) which helped a lot in making my whole day more peaceful and smooth and I want to try and get back into it. A couple of weeks ago I switched to going through the steps of TAVLIN during the walk, which is also beneficial, however I think I gained more from doing my visualization of my daily shecdule. 
IY"H I will try to first do TAVLIN and then go on my walk so that I will be able to do both.
Also I will try to do my checkin in the middle of the day which will help me continue to feel like I'm accomplishing throughout the day (thinking like Shachris, mincha, maariv)

Hatzlachah Rabbah to all the warriors on this site and off who are fighting for the Kings honor in this battle of the generation!

hopefulposek wrote on 14 Nov 2023 03:08:

Hi! Techloq has an option of appointing an admin on your account and he will have to approve anything you request to be let through. I just set it up recently. It helped me a lot

eerie wrote on 04 Dec 2023 22:33:

Thanks so much for letting me know. I already had a conversation with my wife and she reset the password so I no longer know it which B"H has been a huge improvement.

"The road to glory is not a straight one, it winds like a serpent in the road." - R' Hutner
"One must be very patient. Even with himself" - R Nachmon of Breslov (I found this line very helpful and inspiring, got to keep in mind that I'm trying to make a huge shift in my lifestyle from what it was before, change is hard and doesn't always happen so fast, sometimes we go back and forth before really breaking over the hump.)

B"H Made it to 120!!!!!!!!!!
The next milestone is set for 150 IY"H.
In the meantime I am going to start focusing on having an enhanced learning, i.e. being on time to seder and limiting Baatalah. investing time and energy into the various projects I started and never finished (among those learning how to lein the megillah which I mentioned in the begining of the 90 days journey and started to fall out of.)

I am going to continue to try "working on my marriage" and stay vigilant in the B of the G, this is just this month's focus.

May Hashem give us the strength to continue to do battle against his agent the YH