hopefulposek wrote on 08 Jan 2025 14:41:

Dear Hopeful Posek (I hope so too)

A lot of times the same people that are prone to SA are also prone to AA. Some of us are just wired to be addicted quicker than others.
And sometimes it might be an underlying trauma or current situation that we cant/dont want to face and we escape into: 
Sex 
Books
Alcohol
etc. 
They are all escapes from our lives and give us some fleeting pleasure. But in the long (short) run they cause more issues. 

I think you need to dig deep and see whats really bothering you and keeping you back from being present. What are  you running from? And the answer isn't stress or anything like that, because EVERYONE has stress some more and some less, and yet not everyone gets hooked to escapism. So its much deeper. 

Im sorry if i spoke out of line. 
I wish you the best in your journey. 

thats a very penetrating post and I need to think about it a bit. My intial self diagnosis was that I find movies entertaining, and though I sometimes do use it as an escape, I'm not convinced that is all it is, I enjoy entertainment to relax and I enjoy relaxing especially at the end of a long and stressful day.
I agree that the desire to watch during the day was likely fueled by escapism from the various negative thoughts I was having, such as: I'm incapable and if people realize they would think poorly of me and abandon me, which leads to loneliness, or I have no idea what to do which produces feelings of helplessness and despair.
Wow that was a lot deeper than I originally thought, thank you chancy for pushing me on this. Definitely not out of line, I gain tremendously from everyones insights and suggestions even if I end up disagreeing with them.
 I wanted to add that I also had a very nice win last night, as I was reading there was one part which was slightly inappropriate. In the past I would have just read it and moved on, but recently I was talking with a chaver from here and came up with the idea of skipping these parts instead of reading them, so thats what I did

A gutten vuch everyone!
A few thoughts that have been at the forfront of my mind the last few days.
1) I'm recognizing the need for deeper inner work, regarding the basic defects: honesty, self worth, resentment, and getting out of a people pleasing mentality. But I find it hard to work on it myself and i don't have a good framework to work on it comfortably. I'm gonna bring it up at the next vaad and maybe the chevra can help me and support me as I face my ugly inner self.
2) I want to forge more and deeper connecctions with guys from gye, but I'm finding it very difficult. Partly is time: I'm already taking off significant amountts of seder everyday, to take off another half hour a day to make a few more calls and texts is hard for me to do (not sure whether its right or wrong, but I know it's hard). I think also I have an internal blockage which is making it hard for me, self worth and all that usual jazz. But something I just thought about on shabbos is that I don't like feeling like I'm just taking and not giving in a relationship. I view this as fundamental to the struggle is to work on being a giver (or Maitiv) instead of a taker which I feel like I was in a lot of my relationships. So when I call a guy and I feel like the call just revolves around me it makes me cringe afterwards. But I know that not all my calls are like that, and also it was explained to me that there is room for a relationship where you receive advice from someone, and what you give in return is helping them have chiyus in their life and helping them stay clean by allowing them to help you. This is something I still have to get comfortable with, being on the receiving end. 
But B"h had a nice shabbos, got to learn a little and planning on having a fantastic week!

P.S. I'm going to start a new thread where people who are available to be contacted by basically anyone on gye can post their info, if it takes off and is helpful - great, if it's not - hopefully I will get hishtadlus points. Still not sure where to create it but I'll figure it out in the next few minutes and post it here.

Your obvious self-awareness is super inspiring. It really takes a lot strength to even start looking at ourselves somewhat objectively and starting to see the things we dont necessarily appreciate so ashrecha! Good for you! HaShem should bless you with the strength to continue on your journey of self-discovery.

souloriented21 wrote on 12 Jan 2025 00:36:

Thank you for your kind words, hashem should bless you as well in your journey! I found that self awareness was very powerful in helping me grow throughout my journey and I'm trying to continue it. However sometimes it can be painful and overwhelming, but nu nu thats part of self discovery. I got a lot of the chizzuk to pursue it from reading the white book and the blue book, in which I understood this to be very much a part of the 12 steps (but I am not claiming to really understand them that well, ask Dov)

So I put it under what works for me calling it "thread for reaching out" because contacting people and reaching out worked for me and I hope it can help and work for others.