Had a fall last night. Today was day 1

Larry Bird wrote on 20 Mar 2022 22:54:

So it seems like basically you got up right after the fall. That's AWESOME! when I fall it's crazy hard to get back up how did you do it?

It’s my first official 90 day challenge, so it wasn’t as if I put in a ton of work and then fell. Maybe that’s why?

makes sense

Much luck on your 90 day new journey!! Check out the link below (in the bottom of this post) for a thread which you may gain a lot from some insight.
Secondly, check out the link in my thread which is a unique 90 day program which you can do along with your typical 90 day counting.
 Wishing you much Hatzlacha in your journey! 

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Last night felt a lot of stress from a relative of mine. I honestly didn’t have a craving for porn. There was no way I could break it on day 1. On to day 2.

In middle of day two. After an interaction with someone I’m feeling a bit stupid. I made a big deal about something and he actually changed it for me. Now I feel dumb. I’m at work. I’m feeling the urge right now to go to my car, and put on some porn. I went to pickup lunch before, in the middle of the day there’s always tons of women and girls there. So hard not to look. I saw a pretty girl walking and I drove around instead of right by her. SO TOUGH. I was looking for a song by Ishay Ribo on Apple Music, and a cover by a Jewish female artist came on instead. It sounded so amazing. It was as if I was hearing the most soothing thing. I listened for about 30 seconds then shut it off. Literally so hard. Everywhere you turn there’s nisyonos. HASHEM HELP ME!! Save me from this nisayon. I’m feeling so dumb right now. 

Knowing why you’re upset and recognizing the feeling is half the battle. Go back and listen to ishai ribo! Everywhere you turn there are opportunities. You will become great.

Larry Bird wrote on 21 Mar 2022 19:41:

Thinking about possible ways to remove the nisayon and triggers from in front of you are very important. It’s important to plan ahead. Especially in the beginning of this battle. How about reducing internet use? How about looking down more in the street? Each thing adds up and will help empower you! Your doing awesome! Keep up the committed self inside you! 
secondly, perhaps working through your mindset a bit? Training yourself that sexual excitement won’t give you much it life. Etc etc. 

There are two separate issues here. I am going to address one of them.

We have been trained through habit to medicate ourselves for our bad moods by turning to porn etc to numb our minds. When we decide that we want to become clean, and something happens to cause us to be in a bad mood it can be very confusing. Our go to method of numbing the pain is not available but we haven’t yet prepared another way to deal with it.

It is important to try to work out some alternate methods as soon as possible. These can include calling a friend, listening to music, exerting yourself through exercise or countless other distractions. Sometimes none of these work and we just feel down.

I find that in these circumstances the best thing to do is to tell yourself that by tomorrow whatever happened that put you in the bad mood will be long history and you won’t be thinking about it. This won’t take away the bad mood but it will be easier to deal with. It also helps to verbalize it to a friend.

Once you get rid of the bad mood often times the desire for porn will go away because you no longer need it to numb your pain.

I will leave the second issue - the multitude of nisyonos all over - for another post.

I’m literally in middle of this right now. I’m sitting at work, end of the day not much going on, staring at boring emails. Feeling a bit anxious. It doesn’t help that the whole day I’m with women in the office chattering endlessly amongst themselves. Its easy to be strong when things are moving, but now it’s just slow. And I’m tired. I need to exert myself somehow. Not sure how. I’m not in the right attire to go for a run. Listening to music doesn’t really do it for me. 

First, amazing to hear about all that you overcame today! If listening to something is an option check out The Fight by Rabbi Shafier. It's on exactly this struggle and will keep you motivated and in the zone

Write something that takes concentration? I would put on music even if it doesn’t really do it for you. Call a friend to shmooze.

I find that when I come home after work I’m faced with boredom. Often have to work through some things that need attention. Things that I’d rather not do. This is another thing that makes me anxious. It’s a lack of structure probably is the problem. There’s no structure from now until I go to sleep. How do I structure this time?

Hi

Don't jump big steps, work smart not hard.

try FLIGHT TO FREEDOM day by day, it will lose the grip on you.

HATZLACHA !!!!