It's been a lonnnnnnng time since of come to the site. I have had many times in which I fell into the trap rather than run from the bait set before me. But I am far from where I was in the beginning of this fight. I have, in the past two weeks, watched porn and masturbated 3 times, 2 today. That is what brought me back. I know when and what brings about the opening of the trap as time has elapsed. But I chose to open doors that were locked by any means necessary. I figured out a way to get porn on Roku! Thankfully that is the only unfenced issue. Though it seems they are going to ban it altogether, God willing! 

I leave my thoughts and experiences more often from this time forward.

bro keep on trucking!!! youre doing amazing!!!

“Tried everything”

Shmuel - has a struggle with porn.. he gets triggered and falls every now and then… he can’t seem to overcome this struggle.

Yehuda- a supportive friend.

This is a conversation that took place between shmuel and Yehuda..

shmuel- “I keep falling I’m so depressed I can’t do this anymore”

Yehuda- “it’s never too late keep trying”

Shmuel- “but I tried everything nothing seems to work”

Yehuda- “wow that must be so hard”

A couple hours later…

Shmuel- “I think I can do this..”

Yehuda- “wow! So nice what will you do differently”?!

Shmuel- “I’m gonna get a stronger filter”

Yehuda- “but this is your 6th time doing that.”

Shmuel- “yea but maybe this time it’ll work”

Yehuda - “if someone gave you 1 million dollars if you stop watching porn for the next 365 days… is that all you would put in place to make sure you don’t fall?”

Shmuel- speechless.

Yehuda- that’s how you know if a plan has a good chance… that’s how you know when you tried…

Shmuel- hmm…

Yehuda- is suffering from porn with all the misery for years worth less then 1 million dollars?

Shmuel- no, way more then a million.. the pain is so way more intense…

Yehuda- if for a million dollars you’d do a lot more then the above plan…to take someone out of the deep ocean to happy free person shouldn’t we Forsure do the same?

Lesson is -

Guys, you know when you tried- if you were to get 1 million dollars if this plan succeeds for 365 days.. would the plan just be a better filter?

Or…….

would it be a clear concise plan that blocks every trigger, every possible thing that can lead to a fall, a plan on how to be maintain a long term clarity and motivation why you wanna stay clean… a plan that could seem to work regardless of the mood your in that day! Regardless if it’s day 10 or 100 or 1000 or 10,000.

 Though porn may be an addiction it is also a crutch. Almost like so called comfort food. We tend to use it as a way to remove us from our circumstances. Though, just as comfort food, you feel like crap after partaking in it because you know it is going to hurt you.
 I am at this moment working on changing my eating habits and am realizing that, although we must have the help of Hashem, it is less of resistance and more of self discipline. We must be diligent in pursuit of our goals and focus upon the good that will result. It is a training of the mind and replacing, through disciplined study, the desire with the humbling fear of the Creator. Ever keeping Him before us and walking in a deep love and gratitude for all of His goodness and long-suffering.

Your first paragraph is spot on. I was self medicating with porn etc for decades without realizing it.

willandtonya wrote on 02 Mar 2022 05:03:

I definitely agree, it is like a crutch or comfort. Thanks for sharing your insight in overcoming it.