Bennyh wrote on 19 Oct 2023 21:27:

Not controversial, just wrong.

(Without even gettin' into why Mr. A struggled in the first place.)

cordnoy wrote on 19 Oct 2023 22:52:

Why is this not exactly what חז''ל said
אשרי מי שלא חטא ומי שחטא יוב וימחול לו

Chaimoigen had a very long post about this a few months ago - im a drop to lazy to look for it

Not lazy anymore - this post was too good!

I am the one who posted that , and that is precisely what I meant and I don't see how its controversial  or wrong.
In my opinion a foundational part of judaism is the struggle and effort to rise above the temptations and flaws that we have been given.The thing that the differentiates us humans from animals is the ability to override our biological wants and temptations, which is what the whole concept of bechira which means that what makes us special is the ability to choose, even though we do have temptations just like animals we don't need to act on them like animals do.

We are in agreement on that. Thank you. 

redfaced wrote on 19 Oct 2023 23:08:

See Maharsha there- this line in the gemara is talking about people who sinned and did not do teshuva vs people who did not sin.

The post you referred to, I think, is this one. 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/356161-Gardener-of-Grodno?limit=15&start=375#399041

So nice to have everyone posting in my thread!  This was a good chazara.   Going to sleep now. Have a wonderful night.  

I told my wife during supper tonight that today is my birthday.  She looked at me perplexed as she knows quite well that I was born in June.  Within a moment the perplexed look was gone and she hypothesized, today is the day that you decided to become clean? I confirmed.  She said, let’s go out for dessert to celebrate!

It is two years to the day since I committed to find clarity and to live the life that I truly want for myself.  When I made that decision, I had no idea if I could be successful.  But I decided to try.  I can truly say that hashem gave me a gift.

Up until that point my struggles had me falling deeper and deeper into a never ending rabbit hole of promiscuity.  Anything I tried to break that pattern was short-lived.  I felt doomed to living out my life with two separate identities and no place at all in the world to come.  The pain of this contradiction was soothed only throwing by myself further into a world of lust and pleasure seeking.

Two years ago, all of this changed.  With hashem’s help I was motivated to make real changes. Changes that would impact my inner self.  With tremendous siyaata dshmaya, I found the tools needed.  The books to read, the people to speak to and the  activities to keep me busy.  I documented most of it in my thread so that I can go back and read it.  For the first few months I kept looking over my shoulder wondering when the motivation would wear off.  B”H it never did.  Slowly but surely I developed a confidence in myself.  Not complacency, I still work on this every day.  But there is a confidence.  I don’t expect to fall again.  I daven to hashem every day that he help me with this.  I am confident that if I continue to do my part, hashem will continue to help me.

When I dated my wife earlier this year I told her all about my past.  It was a lot for her to digest.  I told her that if she allows me the time she will come to know that I am the person that I portray.  She gave me the time.  She recognizes that so much of who I am came about specifically because of my struggles and my work to break free.  She is incredibly proud of me.  I am so lucky.  I don’t have to keep any secrets.  I can read my posts to her.

I am incredibly grateful to the rbs’o for the life that I am living. It is truly a new life.  To the outside world I appear happier and more confident but inside it is so much more than that.

I hope that my writing can continue to inspire others.  Much of it was written with tears streaming down my face.  (I remember after one post that my eyes hurt for the next two days!  I am no longer as emotional but I am just as grateful.)  Over the past two years I have been fortunate to talk to many and meet some of the people on these boards.  We are a special group.  It is an affiliation that I will always be proud of.

So happy second birthday to the new me and heartfelt brachos to all of you for continued siyaata d’shmaya in all of your efforts and may we each continue to help each other to live a life of kedusha.

Best wishes always

vehkam

Mazel Tov!!! 
may you have many more years of continuing to inspire and be inspired! 

Happy birthday buddy. Next year iyh a chalaka in Meron!

Happy Birthday, to the one and only Vehkam.

Your story, and your words are forever etched in the hearts of all those who have read it and been inspired by you.

I, and many others are fortunate to have gotten to know you, either in person or through your writings.

The message of your story is resoundingly clear!

Yes, Anything, ANYTHING, is possible!!!!!!

keep on sharing!!

Although I did just hang up the phone after calling Vehkam to wish him Mazel Tov, I also wanted to add my wishes here!
To me, Vehkam is not just a lesson in knowing that anything is possible. To me Vehkam is a living example of how to properly channel our struggles to reach greatness. It's not every day that I have the opportunity to have a shaychus to a Gadol, but since I've met Vehkam I now have that opportunity. Seeing his face and hearing his voice always gives me such inspiration as his kedusha and gishmak shines out so bright and clear. Thank you for always having time and patience for me, for meeting with me, talking on the phone and of course all the texts back and forth.

Much continued hatzlacha and keep racking up all those zchusim of people who have changed because of you!

What birthday present could possibly do justice? But ill share with you that im gaining a lot from the battle of the generation that you sent me. And im hoping to buy one for my rosh yeshiva so he can give it to whoever might need it. Happy birthday!!!

Your birthday, Vehkam, has birthed a thousand hopes and new beginnings.

From the very day that you wrote to me “There are many doors open to you…”, and I went on to read your thread, my heart knew a rebirth… 

You have shown us what Teshuva MeAhava  can be, the delicate beauty it can create, the clarity it can engender. 

וכאשר זכיתה ללב טהור ורוח נכון מחדש, קיים בעצמך גם ״וחטאים אליך ישובו״… 
יה״ר תזכה לעלות עוד ועוד על במתי התורה והטהרה והקדושה, וגם להשפיע על רבים 

יה״ר שימלא השי״ת תמיד כל משאלות לבבך במידה טובה ישועה ורחמים 

מזל טוב 

Thank you Vehkam! Always inspiring by sharing your real struggle and energy and willpower to change, smartly. Battle of the Generation!

I think we both started on gye the same time. I remember chatting with you back then...

Ad meah ve'Esrimim!!