farmer k. wrote on 14 Sep 2021 18:38:

Let's hope that either this was your rock bottom or it was your “Hit bottom while still on top.”
The main thing is not to give up...  Try to learn from your fall what to avoid and how to be strong in the future. 

Where is the farmer?

I'm still around,
but if I cant be found,
means I am busy as can be ,
on this bain ha'z'

and i start again
yes i know again
again brings with all his friends called bad feelings from last time, 
so here goes i am starting my 90 day journey right now

we've got your back
as you get on track
​so give your best
and pass each test

IMG

A "moo" was heard from the farmer's cow,
   but really he meant to say "Wow!"
His master started 90 days,
   of walking in Hashem's ways.

The goats bleat back showing they too are content,
  yes, Master will now receive bracha, Heaven sent,
The farm fowl excitedly chirp, singing sweet,
   Yep, Farmer's on track, and can't be beat. 

day 1 again

I don't know whether this is your first day one since the last you posted, or whether there have been several - either way you can take Chizuk in the fact that you've made to this point - a 10 day streak is something to be proud of, and getting back after several falls is certainly something that can be very challenging. Either way, keep posting so we can cheer you on!

day 6

farmer k. wrote on 22 Oct 2021 04:32:

Re: day 6
ששת ימים חעבוד

ובזכות של עבודה של ששת ימים לכבוד שמים תזכו לחיים של שמחה ונחת והרחבת הדעת

"ha what a funny joke" about a half hour after I posted "day 6" I went and fell. after that I fell a few times that night, but b"h pulled myself out of the rut on eruv Shabbos, worked on myself a bit on Shabbos by telling myself that even though I fell now, this time could still be it. one thing that actually helped me a lot, was I visualizes thinking to myself or telling someone in a few years from now, how the time I finally broke free was a pretty low moment for me and I thought I'd be stuck in this rut my whole life. what helped me wasn't the fact that I visualized it, what helped me was that I realized that even now I really have the יכולת to stop for good. 
whatever thanks for reading my ramblings
(p.s. idk a thing about grammar and I'd love to learn if anyone knows a good book on it please lmk)

farmer k. wrote on 24 Oct 2021 04:15:

Lots of things were accomplished by the 6 day war. 

9 days, and doing great b"h

at day 4 again

Good to see you back at it!