I'm new to GYE and i suppose ill just speak my thoughts.

I'm like all of the rest of you. I've been battling this great challenge with my yetzer for years. Just to give you an idea, I started when I was in 10th grade and now I'm 22. Throughout those years of battle, the struggles have become different. I used to be very unaware that it was an issue and rather i felt it to be more like a happy getaway that I was allowed to do as I please with no consequence. As I've developed very much since my high school years, I've learned more and become more aware of my responsibility as a ben torah and someone who tries to emulate Hashem's ways. Somedays I think to myself "today I will be the best servent Hashem's ever had!" and other days i say "servent to Hashem? It's my choice to make and  If I want pleasure I can do as I please.". On those days where I find myself serving myself, those are the darkest of days- days where even in a room full of friends, i feel alone. I know that the pleasure is fleeting and making that soul choice is much more rewarding than letting my animal side make the decisions, but how do I reconcile the contradiction of me saying I want to serve Hashem and do what's right and then I go and do all the things I said I wouldn't do....

Help me out my GYE family:)

~sincerely a striving eved Hashem. 

Hey welcome to the family!
Great first post!

We all have similar feelings, we are all good people who want to serve Hashem fully, but we also have this great nisayon that HASHEM gave us (don't forget that He gave it to us).
So we just have to try out best to overcome it, that's what Hashem wants, He wants us to fight, even if we fall; that's part of it. 

I don't have much to say just wanted to welcome you.

So look around at other threads, see what works for you. There is tons to learn from here. 
Did you read the GYE handbook? It's really amazing.
And keep on posting, it does wonders!

Good luck
HappyYid

Welcome! Don't forget that the true you wants to serve Hashem, and the "other sides of you" is really just when the true you is affected by the tremendous challenge Hashem gave us all.

Please check out these great free resources: 
The Battle of the Generation: a great ebook with motivation, perspective and tips.
The Fight: an audio series by Rabbi Shafier about l overcoming lust.

Please see my signature below for the links.

Hatzlocha!

 I would like to share a nice thought:

"For You light my flame; G‑d illuminates my darkness."

That's a quote from King David (Psalms, 18:29), and he seems to be saying that our souls – while they are Divine – aren't always ablaze, glowing and brilliant. Sometimes we need extra ignition or accelerant to get it aflame.

That's interesting. When is my soul afire? And when does it need kindling?


When I'm finding comfort and beauty in life's purpose, in my contribution to the world, in my committed relationships and my reason for being, then my soul is shining. My internal world has clarity; life makes sense and there is no darkness to battle.

But when my attention is distracted by life's glitter, by the beckoning flicker of pleasurable self-indulgence, then my soul isn't flaring; it's obscured and ignored.

That's Darkness.

Because darkness doesn't necessarily mean evil; it means the absence of light. Darkness equals confusion. When life's meaning seems inscrutable, when I'm running from task to task oblivious to the need for meaning, that's called darkness. I may even be having fun, and convincing myself that pleasure equals light, but my soul – my life's purpose – is obscured from my mind's eye. And that's darkness.

The soul needs to shine, to blaze forth and dispel the psycho-spiritual haze.

And this blaze is a joint effort between myself and my Creator. I must find the strength to find my internal "jug of pure oil." In kabbalistic teachings, oil symbolizes faith—faith that "You [G‑d] light my flame."

Each Jew needed to make a deeply personal choice: Would he struggle to find his internal lamp, to ignite his soul? Or would he acquiesce to the "beauty" of self-indulgence, and label darkness as light?

Realize that every generation and consequently every person is given an immense challenge which is a huge chance for them to grow and accomplish incredible things! In the early 1900's in America you can argue it was keeping shabbos - how was one supposed to maintain a living without breaking shabbos to work? In communist russia maybe it was learning Torah and practicing yahadus openly.

We can do all those things and more - we have no issue learning Torah, most of us (I'm assuming) live in a place where we are free to practice our religion (probably US or Israel), We are relatively or very comfortable or at least manageable financially. Don't we have it so sweet? We should be a shoe in to be the greatest tzaddikim of all time!

Ah not so fast. If we have all of this the world wouldn't make sense without a counterbalance. We would all be Avraham Avinu. So we have this challenge the same challenge of Yosef Hatzaddik to neutralize us a bit and to make us struggle to reach those same heights.

But the point is we can reach those heights! Hashem, who controls everything, chose to give us these challenges, to make us born in this generation, with these circumstances. Would it make sense for Hashem to give us a challenge that we couldn't overcome? "Yeah sure why don't I give Apple123 a big shmiras einayim challenge. He won't be able to overcome it he will just have to suffer for the rest of his life dealing with something that is too much for him. MWAHAHAHAA!"

Yeah, not likely.

You can do it!!

(most of this was based on what I either saw or heard somewhere unfortunately not really sure so im gonna guess that I heard this either in a shmuz or saw it in a book from rabbi ben tzion shafier if its from somewhere else I'm sorry)