Another successful day. Lets keep it going for today. For some reason Mondays seem to be a hard day for me after a weekend and having time to myself. 

Yesterday was day 7. Its a nice number to get to a full week clean. But I can't let that distract from the goal of today. 

 ODAAT.
How have you found the past week?
What worked and what hasn't?

Plenty has worked and plenty hasn't
Currently I am doing the Taphisc method. But I think what has been the most important aspect is my determination and focus. To remind myself what I am working on so I don't get relaxed. Most of my falls after being clean for a few days have come because of this.
B'H 8 days now and I am feeling good. I was a little angry about something yesterday which in the past has led me to lust for things to relax but B'H I didn't let those thoughts stick around for more than a second. 

I am now at 9 days clean. Having a steak does feel nice. However my brain has been having strong desires for me to go poking around to try and see what I can find. Probably because it is getting starved for some simulation. I just have to keep reminding myself to stay on guard and not let myself go poking around at all.

strugle613 wrote on 18 Mar 2021 12:57:

EDIT: I just have to keep reminding myself why I want to stay clean and be on guard, and realize that poking around will only inhibit my success.

We all try to "cheat". We call it a "slip" a "close call" or any other name that won't make us restart our count, and still feel good about ourselves. The truth is who are we fooling? Our goal is to be clean - but not according to a specific set of rules we can bend. It's not a traffic ticket we are trying to avoid. It's our life we want to live differently.

We must stop with the poking, peeking, quick looks or clicks. None of the "not real porn" "no masturbation" etc. No more "just checking something else". It's not a competition. It's us living our lives the way we know we should, and the way we WANT too. We must realize that at this point it's indeed us who don't want to see anything that we shouldn't, even if we can still classify it with cozy feeling terms, and keep clicking "still clean".

Grant400 wrote on 18 Mar 2021 13:48:

This has gotta be one of the most emesdik posts on this site! Reb Grant makes a profound point by saying it's not a competition. We all joined here on our own accord; it wasn't to impress anyone, it wasn't to beat anyone in a staying clean competition. For the majority of us, our families, wives, and friends don't even know that we're on here. For the majority of us, we started this battle with the only intentions of enhancing our own quality of life, purity, and yiras shamayim. Unfortunately however, some of us (myself included) have lost sight of our initial intentions. We pretend we're clean even though we just looked up some lingerie catalogue- it's not porn, but it's not not porn. Honestly, who are we trying to impress by saying we're still clean? If it's not our wives and our families that we're trying to impress, is it a bunch of strangers on an internet forum? That's like the most goyishe thing ever to do. 

C'mon Rabbosai, how much more goyishe are we going to let ourselves get before we realize what really matters here? Are we taking on this unprecedented battle to lord over some number on a screen? (It's mamesh like a multi-player video game with all the levels) Are we taking on this unprecedented battle to lord over some internet strangers how long we can go without looking at shmutz? NO! We're doing it for ourselves and HK"BH. That's it! Forget what anyone else thinks. 
.אם אין אני לי מי לי
The only reason why there's a forum of other people is so that we can be mechazeik them and they can give chizuk to us- it's mamesh not a competition! When you make it a competition, the only one that loses is you!

Grant400 wrote on 18 Mar 2021 13:48:

Thank you Grant. This is very true. It is a reminder of what I am really working for, what I really want to accomplish and how any pokes and prods is against my goal and endgame.
On that note it is also nice to know somebody is actually reading my ramblings. 
Day 10 now. I have been inspired for today to make sure that I don't think in terms of being clean for 90 days but just to be clean because that is what I want.

I didn't get a chance to give any updates yesterday. I was sick in bed all day. This usually represents its own challenge. With so much free time for my mind to wander it is hard to keep any bad thoughts out of my mind. I kept reminding myself of what Reb Grant said that I don't want these thoughts because that is just not who I want to be anymore and I was B'H able to keep the lustfull thoughts out of my mind. Feeling better today so hoping to have a nicer day than yesterday. 

Yesterday was day 14. Feeling good about myself. I hope I can continue this today. Things are starting to get busy for pesach so I guess that is good and will help me.

You should feel very good about yourself! 
Keep on going, you could do it!
Yeah getting busy is usually a big helper for this...for me at least.

I am up to 15 days now. I went to the store yesterday to pick up food and I made sure to keep myself focused to not look at anyone through the eyes of lust. Later on during the night I was thinking about it. I feel like it is not normal to have to put in so much effort to make sure that you don't look at every woman you pass with lustful intent. Is it just because I am messed up from over the years or is this just a real struggle every person deals with? Does this ever get easier? Will I ever be able to just walk outside normally and pass people by and not have to say look somewhere else but just walk by without processing that I am walking by somebody?

i feel the same way i just have so much pressure i cant walk on the street it takes so much energy from me.......

I find that it does get easier, once you learn to not see women as objects, but as people like yourself. Then you dont realize every time you see a woman.
It takes work, but it does get easier.
Just my experience.