Day 38
Clean day and successfully made it through an urge BH 

Day 39
BH a clean day. Had a small urge this afternoon, but wasn't so strong.

I need to work on my thoughts and fantasies a bit. It's easier to justify stimulating myself mentally, than visually, but the result it has on me is likely the same, and doesn't bode well when I might be in certain situations with certain people, or have access to certain content online (I don't mean only porn, but other things as well)

Feeling quite weak now, have an urge to masturbate. I'm speaking to my mum in 20 mins, so I think I should be good if I can hold out until then

Whenever a big urge comes, stall, do something else (kosher hobby or study Torah).. If possible leave the house for a walk... change the environment... urges come and go... Just as they come, if you stall long enough they leave too.. Keep fighting, we're in this together...

Thank you

I went for a walk while on the phone to my mum, but still feeling an urge now that I'm back. I'm gonna go to sleep soon, but I think I'm gonna be in for a rough night. My level of desire has been raised the last few days, and I wish it dropped back to what it was before. I got to keep in mind that I has to pay $60 if I fall (I signed up to the challenge on different terms)Day 40
Clean bH

Your feeling of satisfaction when you over came an urge can NOT be replaced by anything in this world. keep (us) strong!

Was a bit stupid tonight trying to search for things which I shouldn't have.
Going to sleep now

Starting to feel a bit of a sense of yiush like there's no end in sight. I'm the long term I'm still going to be forced to deal with this, and I just wish it would go away

You must only focus on the moment. regarding the future we are powerless. The future is not in our hands. You just need to do your bit NOW. We know NOTHING about the future.

Have a fab day.

I guess, it's just hard to view it in that way, when lemaase I'm probably not going to have any release in this area (at least a mutar way)for another 3/4 years. And beH it won't be bothering me by then, but it's not so simple that it won't, especially if I don't do a good job now

I'm single now too but back already at the shidduch parshe...
How old are you? Why not go out for shidduchim already?
Still I get your feeling, I was feeling exactly like that, before getting back to shidduchim. Not gonna lie, going back to shidduchim made me not pay attention to it, because bez"H, I want to get married soon. Still, it's eitzas hayetzer that there is a build up. Our bodies naturally reabsorb the extra sperm, and if it accumulates, there's the wet dream. Moreover, unfortunately or fortunately for most of us I guess, this is a lifelong struggle. But it should get easier. I think we should view it the other way around, actually. Not as a curse R"L, but as that we are zoche to face this. Were it another guy, he could perhaps not be able to deal with it. But H"KBH chose you. He trusts you to subdue the YH and cause him immense nachat ruach.

Snowflake wrote on 26 May 2021 12:46:

20, for a few reasons. Probably the biggest 2 are that I can't support myself now, and that I'm still knee deep in this stuff, so probably not so great to drag someone else down with me


Sometimes I feel like that 'another guy' who is 'not able to deal with it'

Day 41
Clean today bH, but was a bit dumb last night and today during lunch attempting to search some things up.
Starting to feel a bit fed up (again) with having to deal with this challenge. Every day I'll be a aware of some sort of challenge and every week I'll be bombarded with a difficulty.
It feels like there's no end in sight.

Was thinking that it may help you  to refocus on the beauty of fighting this battle vs it being one long burden.
Do you realize that every time we say no, we are bringing out our true humanity that we are not animalistic beings like society around us who have no control over themselves and who are slaves to their urges, but instead we are majestic humans who bring out our true self by showing ourselves that we are in control, that we are true kings on this world. Every time we say no we are training ourselves that we are in control to act on the spur of the moment in the correct way. This will bring out the most amazing person ever as i grow up.
in a deeper meaning we are bringing out the purpose of our creation, by bringing out the true colors of man.

Looking_to_improve wrote on 26 May 2021 21:40:

The fact that you have abstained 42 days, without being married makes it hard for me to believe you're "the other guy who's not able to deal with it".
Just imagine how many bochurim and other married men are struggling with this and either are meyaesh R"L or don't know GYE R"L. Sometimes we feel alone in this struggle because we think we are the only ones going through it. Nothing could be further from the truth. The YH only stops bugging us when we leave this world. The gemore is full of stories of gedolim who were extremely tempted to this kind of aveire. Let us not also forget Yossef Hatzadik, who, according to Rashi (I think) was already naked when his father's image appeared to him. What should we expect from us, mortals? That we should never be tempted at all? We must do what we must do. But the challenges will always be there. The Alter Rebbe says that one should not be sad when he has improper thoughts while davening. On the contrary, he should greatly rejoice, G-d gave him the opportunity to subdue the YH and cause great nachat ruach Above. The more we embrace this mission with simcha, the more likely we are to succeed. Also, don't forget to take everything a day at a time. All we have to do is stay clean for the day. For what tomorrow brings, nobody knows. Maybe moshiach will come and the YH will be shechted.