Man guys i have been around this block. I really messed up tonight. by rosh hashana time i had a streak of 30 days. It was amazing. Never did it before but the things got tough. Trying to get back. Had a good week but badd fall tonight. With a filter on my computer!. I am so jealous of the guys who could write and cryy I failed on day 60!
 Gosh I wishhh !I would make 60 lechaims to reach that far!
The issue is I have a hard time dealing with stress and suffer from anxiety.  I am not excusing myself from any behavior. Its just that when this happens or when I hear bad news I need to calm myself down. The pandemic scares me. I know too many people who died. so i try to chill out And by me that means masturbating with any form of inappropriate material. I did exercise this week and I think it helped but man I would love to know if someone out there can give me a trick or two someone whos tried for years and failed as much as I have to tell me they actually succeeded. Yes I know people win this but I am not sure they do after a many failed attempts as myself. And yes for all those helping people I do go to therapy for anxiety. Perhaps I need a better therapist. Perhaos I need a therapist who deals with these issues. yes I am marries bh Yes I learn torah. Yes I teach torah! yes I feel like a hypocrite! Yes I have ocd! Yes I want to change !  And  I really struggle with this! Please give me advice !

Hi optomisim i feel for you i know.. this addiction gives us a place of fake refuge like drinking etc... and when we cant run to that refuge all the stuff we have hidden under the carpet gets exposed.... and sometimes we can't handle it. When we are fixed on sonething in this world suddenly everything is against us.. as if the world wants us tobprovw that we want to do something/change.

covid has sped up the process so be strong so be strong and start again! Say to yourself you can do it because you can!!! You can overcome this nisayon!!! Hatzlacha!!!

thank you.  I am a half day clean. No shmutz. I am starting from the tiniest step. for me forget the full day .A half a day is growth so I am hoping for another 12 clean hours.... 

Welcome! May you be blessed with discipline.

The first thing I'm going to have to say is you must deal with your stress and anxiety. Yes, if it means getting yourself a new and better therapist then do that. Without fixing the underlying issues everything will be much harder.

As a side point, it's very possible that all your stress and anxiety is caused by the years and years of guilt of acting out. So there is a possibility that by really working on yourself and keeping yourself in check, it will lessen the cause of stress which will make it easier to stop. Sort of like a reverse catch 22.

I find that acting out because of stress and anxiety is a real thing. When we have sexual enjoyment it takes over our mind and body completely which gives us a momentary respite and vacation from our painful and scary thoughts.

 But even with all anxiety and stress at the end of the day a person has the ability and the control to change his mindset about lust, and stop acting out. Take some time to browse the forum, there is so much knowledge and years of experience here. Ask questions, and keep updating. You are definitely in the right place to help yourself, but at the end of the day you are going to be the one to help yourself.

Congratulations on your first step towards cleanliness and on your half day!

                                   Grant

Dear Chaver optimisim,
Sholom Aleichem n welcome on board,
Stay around and with time and the right help you trully will live up to your username like never before!

Dear optimisim,
Welcome to this forum! Thank you for sharing! I relate a lot to your share. Have you ever heard of the 12 steps program? I am still a beginner in this program but for me, it is really a great way to deal with this addiction. I discover that it is not only porn but mainly lust that is used to cover fear, resentment and all sort of character defect. I am glad that I do not have to do it alone. Do not hesitate to ask question.

Can everyone say thank God that i am another 12 hours clean. OMG Thank you Hashem! So looking for another 12 hours.
Btw is there anyone out there that when wifes a nidda its so much harder to find love? Gosh I would love to be able love, to allow myself to love to not have any thoughts which stop me from loving her. How do I rid my self of unloving feelings????

optomisim wrote on 16 Nov 2020 22:04:

Congratulations! Amazing! Many more!

Your question is an important one. Please start a new topic in the BB forum about it.

optomisim wrote on 16 Nov 2020 22:04:

You need to show her love in other ways. make sure to chat every night. Maybe go on a walk together according to hilchos Niddah. Ask your ruv about ways to that you are allowed to show her love without touching her.
I am sure their are rabbi's, chosson rebbe's on this website that can give you many ideas that are okay according to halacha.

optomisim wrote on 16 Nov 2020 22:04:

In general, marriage stuff is best discussed on the BB forum. People are more comfortable opening up and sharing what works for them over there and is therefore your best bet for asking advice about marriage related topics.

I will say this though, it really helps to try to make her feel special (see here for ideas) and put a smile on her face! You will find that surprisingly, making her happy will make you happier too. It will also bring you closer together without the blinders. This is a time where you can show genuine love with no strings attached, that may be the whole point niddah.  

The only way to rid yourself of hard feelings is to let go, it's surprisingly liberating.
Maybe have a look at Yechida's Pnimiyus Hazivug thread.

Hatzlacha

Thank you  neverwiilgiveup for that. You know  guys i would love to know if its worth it to post my mess ups. my failures. My gut tells me people may  not be interested. The want to see succsess not failures.  Especially since I failed A DAY IN THE GAME. However I will start again. Hopfully I will have good news in 12 hours

optomisim wrote on 19 Nov 2020 00:43:

My friend, of course post falls!

The whole point of an anonymous forum is that we can be totally and brutally honest. We don't have to attempt to hide or sugarcoat anything. Of course you should share the falls. That's how you grow, and that's how others grow. By discussing mistakes we become clear about why and how we fell. We are forced to face the unbiased scrutiny and inspection of friends who are here to help. You learn and we learn.

It also creates a diary and log for you to watch your progress and review past mistakes and resolutions.

We are here in the good times and the bad. For the ups and the downs. For the the celebrations and the violations.

This isn't a feel good snowflake millenial safe space where we can only handle happy news! This is a gym with a locker room. We work out together, spot each other and sweat together. Then we hope to shower and walk out clean. But to achieve our goals we must perspire and sometimes give off an odor. But it's a smell of hard work and never ending determination. It's sweat, blood, and tears, but we don't view it as the stench of failure, but rather as the delicious aroma of kavod shamayim!

                                  Grant

Hey optimisim! Do you know why we are here? Because we fell/fall again and again... 
if we would stop the first time trying we wouldn't have joined here... 
The thing that connects us is falls.. (lol)
so come on man! (hope I dont trigger foxer Grant...) welcome aboard! Make yourself comfortable for a ride of ups and downs and ultimately up up up...

optomisim wrote on 19 Nov 2020 00:43:

Of course! That's the whole point of the forum. No one want's to hear when you went to eat ice cream, that you have a perfect marriage or that you are happy every day 365. We are here to grow, and in order to grow you have to be real and real people struggle.

Share, share, share! We grow from our struggles, not from sipping ice coffee, portraying ourselves as perfect individuals with perfect lives. 

Everyone struggles in one way or another, a real person shares his struggles because he knows that we are built from our struggles.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

I disagree with willnevergiveup, I would love to hear when you eat ice cream!
Maybe we should put up a poll, that wasnt done in a long time....