21 days clean

Thank you @starting. This is an amazing list. Thank you for reposting here.

Because of @grant starting with the Chanukah challenge and @yeshivaguy getting some gye members back in the game, their was alot of action on the forums.
Thank you for putting the effort in.

Now back to me..
Attended a wedding tonight....I really don't know what happened to the nice aidel atmosphere of weddings.

I've been to weddings before where there is alot of hype ec ect but tonight was different. It was some serious disco disco to a whole new level.
Anyways it was what it was.

Im not into these things so I kinda did my my own thing.

Anyway, wishing you all a very Happy Chanukah!

Yup been in those situations all too often.
Such events make me want tocry...

Anyway, glad to hear ur doing so well!!

A Freilechen Chanuka!!

YeshivaGuy

22 days clean

It's late but I feel I need to let out some steam.

For the past few days I noticed that the desires I have or thoughts I have sometimes feel they are rageing within me, kinda like trapped in a cage.

That's the best I can describe what I'm feeling now.
Can anyone relate?
Withdrawal?

Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to fulfill these intense feelings/desires because I have a pretty well filtered phone.

Please let me know I'm not crazy.

Zedj wrote on 16 Dec 2020 08:00:

Nah buddy, ur not crazy.
Unless we’re both crazy...

Zedj wrote on 16 Dec 2020 08:00:

My dear Zedj! That's EXACTLY how I feel the past few weeks. I too have no access to real stuff, but this desire is so raging that there is temptation to start scavenging for as much as possible (like sitting on Netflix and digging for gold) and a desire to gain access somehow.

I'm in so much pain recently with urges. It is just like you described it. Sometimes I wake up feeling a little better and as the day goes on my feelings advanced to full throttle, like an F16 during takeoff. Sometimes I'm busting so bad, I feel like it will pop out of my fingertips! 

But I know that no matter the pain, it will always be worse after I give in.

Hang in there my brother!

23 days clean

Thank you guys for the support..
Last night I thought I was gonna explode.

BH I pulled through, was alot better today.

I hope you are all doing well.

Happy Chanukah!

Zedj wrote on 17 Dec 2020 07:56:

Music. This post is the most beautiful melodious music to our ears. Thanks for sharing! 

Wow. Very inspiring. KUTGW!
Every time you push the thoughts away it gives tremendous pleasure to HaShem.

Thank g-d the feeling I had was right before I planned to sleep, it was oddly powerful it felt more like a need rather then a want or desire.
Is there anything you found to be helpful when this happens?

24 days clean

Its zoys Chanukah tonight...what better way to celebrate 2 dozen clean days other then with a grand L'chaim?
Now obviously you can't have L'chaim yourself, you need to say L'chaim with a chaver.

Thank you @youngster for reminding me to celebrate
It was definitely one of the most rewarding L'chaims I've had.
It was so invigorating.

Went out tonight to try to find some jews to give out menorahs,
BH we found a few.
It was good to get out and forget about me for alittle bit.

Happy Chanukah to everyone!
I hope the light of Chanukah will permeate your mind body and soul with the strength to trudge forward and keep climbing.

Zedj wrote on 18 Dec 2020 07:51:

I can't share anything magical, just what works for me.

1. I remind myself that it's just a feeling, no matter how much it feels like a need.

2. I remind myself of my feelings after the last time I didn't stay strong. Both, the feeling like garbage and the fact that I realized that the desire for the enjoyment, is greater than the actual enjoyment.

3. I remind myself that every time I act out again can lead me to a more dangerous addiction level, which can eventually cause me to do crazy things to get my fix, and completely take over my brain and life, by causing me to obsess about it every second.

4. I remind myself how all of my davening, learning and mitzvos after will feel horrible and completely disconnected.

5. I think about having to restart my streak count.

(For married people)

6. I imagine how I will feel around my lovely wife after I spend time fantasizing or ogling other womans bodies, while she mistakenly believes I share that aspect exclusively with her. (It's one of the most horrible feelings in the world).

                                   Grant

Thank you!

Having this in mind is so helpful.

I was just sitting down on a couch, with my coffee and just thinking (perfect recipe for free flow thought)....how easy it would be for me to  just...
I had to cut it short came on GYE and started reading.
Thank you for posting

25 days clean.


Counting early....


Wishing you all a good shabbos!

Zedj wrote on 18 Dec 2020 17:58:

Your determination keeps me inspired.