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Overcoming challenges

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Overcoming challenges 24397 Views

Re: Overcoming challenges 04 Dec 2022 15:46 #388865

gevura shebyesod
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A very Choshuve guy on this site wrote the following in his signature:

”One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free”

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Overcoming challenges 04 Dec 2022 17:35 #388870

sapy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 533 Karma: 53	Sorry to hear Chabibi.

Re: Overcoming challenges 04 Dec 2022 18:27 #388871

excellence
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Dear Hakodosh R Zedj,

Even though I don't really post on your thread, I have always been following your journey, I think from when you started posting.
Your'e a true inspiration to me, It's the battle that counts and you excel at that. falls are extremally frustrating, but let it pass and move on. I wish I had been involved in GYE as a bochur. If you pull yourself up right now, you have no idea what a tremendous impact it can have on your life.

keep on inspiring us,
Love excellence

"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"

My Thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/361746-Striving-for-Excellence
Believe in yourself: guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/357766-Bunch-of-Quotes-I-Gained-from-over-the-years

Check this out too for some Chizuk: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 01:43 #388989

zedj Current streak: 14 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 627 Karma: 46	Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 04 Dec 2022 15:46: A very Choshuve guy on this site wrote the following in his signature: ”One who has given up hope is without a G‑d. One who sees hope in each day is already free” Thank you. I see you pulled "you said it yourself" card. it kinda worked.
	One who has given up hope is without a G‑d. One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 01:44 #388990

zedj Current streak: 14 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 627 Karma: 46	Sapy wrote on 04 Dec 2022 17:35: Sorry to hear Chabibi. Thank you!
	One who has given up hope is without a G‑d. One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 01:47 #388991

zedj
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excellence wrote on 04 Dec 2022 18:27:

Thank you excellence for your kind words and thank you for following my posts.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 01:56 #388993

zedj
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1 day clean!

WE ARE BACK!

Before I get too excited this is the deal.

I have 2 ideas in mind

start afresh as i did when i first started GYE:

1: Making a deal with a fellow gye member
2: Writeing out a pro/con list
3: writeing up a contract with specific conditions customized for myself
4: nightly accountability to make sure im clean

Sounds intense I know..

Idea #2
Get a kosher phone....still something i have to look into and see if it will be practical for me.

just wondering the peoples thoughts on the subject.
what would you choose and why?

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 06 Dec 2022 01:57 by zedj.

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 02:56 #388997

committed_togrowth
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Hi Zedj,

Your enthusiasm is beautiful. Regarding the phone, I switched to sunbeam orchid a while back and am quite happy with it. It has a good gps app and voice to text, so that covers most peoples bases in terms of what they really need to get back. It's been very beneficial for me. Not just for kedusha (although it has certainly made the challenge much more surmountable), but after a month or two the part of my brain that constantly wanted to check my phone faded away. I think I have much more presence of mind now, I high recommend it.

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 03:06 #388999

zedj
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Here I will write my thoughts...

I had a bit of up and downs in the last few months..particularly since a little before elul.

Since that time i got a job and started dating.
Ironically I think since I've had more of a productive life I see a slow digression in my efforts in this area.

(Also I should note my learning is not too great either but lets put that on the side for now)

In general I believe I'm in a good place (and not addicted to porn...if that makes a difference) and am proud of myself in general.

Watching porn the other night felt very platonic and non exciting (i didn't even masterbate) so what was the point? Why am I looking to watch porn or explicit pictures?
I am 50% sure it's an escape..but from what?

Am I looking to escape from stress from dating? Job? Regular day to day stuff?

could it be porn is just seared in my brain as my go to method to destress or fill time?

Could it be i just like porn?

It could be. i dont know forsure.

being clean for some long periods
of time and now falling while I'm in the pasha is somewhat of a blow...
But then again hormones are all over the place and stress is high.

Not an easy time over here

In any case, I need to stop being reactive and start being proactive in this erea.

this is me on a rant thinking things over and trying to make sense of myself.

Plan is to move on

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 06 Dec 2022 04:55 #389009

Captain
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Zedj wrote on 06 Dec 2022 01:56:

Do both. Don't fall into the common trap of doing #2 so "not needing to do #1" or doing #1 so "not needing to do #2."

In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Overcoming challenges 08 Dec 2022 18:59 #389166

oivedelokim
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Zedj wrote on 06 Dec 2022 03:06:

Could it be i just like porn?

This made me smile. I think that's also the most plausible theory, often overlooked on this site for not being psychologically sophisticated enough. I think it's the reason I keep falling, and it's very likely that the same is true for you...

Anyways wishing you the best of luck,
OivedElokim

I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread

Re: Overcoming challenges 08 Dec 2022 20:55 #389171

willdoit
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Zedj wrote on 06 Dec 2022 03:06:

Here I will write my thoughts...

I had a bit of up and downs in the last few months..particularly since a little before elul.

Since that time i got a job and started dating.
Ironically I think since I've had more of a productive life I see a slow digression in my efforts in this area.

(Also I should note my learning is not too great either but lets put that on the side for now)

In general I believe I'm in a good place (and not addicted to porn...if that makes a difference) and am proud of myself in general.

Watching porn the other night felt very platonic and non exciting (i didn't even masterbate) so what was the point? Why am I looking to watch porn or explicit pictures?
I am 50% sure it's an escape..but from what?

Am I looking to escape from stress from dating? Job? Regular day to day stuff?

could it be porn is just seared in my brain as my go to method to destress or fill time?

Could it be i just like porn?

It could be. i dont know forsure.

being clean for some long periods
of time and now falling while I'm in the pasha is somewhat of a blow...
But then again hormones are all over the place and stress is high.

Not an easy time over here

In any case, I need to stop being reactive and start being proactive in this erea.

this is me on a rant thinking things over and trying to make sense of myself.

Plan is to move on

Re: Overcoming challenges 08 Dec 2022 21:14 #389174

human being
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I sent you a pm

I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment.
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions.

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain.

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: Overcoming challenges 09 Dec 2022 11:58 #389204

jackthejew
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OivedElokim wrote on 08 Dec 2022 18:59:

Zedj wrote on 06 Dec 2022 03:06:

Could it be i just like porn?

I definitely used to just love porn, and the only downside was that it was assur and could destroy my life. So if only I hold out until marriage, then I could get out all my desires B'heter. And then my porn issue will for sure go away... Because for me when the draw was sex without the whole connection bit, and I was objectifying every lady on and sometimes off that screen, the issue was just my love of porn. And violent porn. And other fetishes. In other words, until I figured out that it's actually poisonous for me, (and that realization gets stronger the longer I'm clean), I didn't realize how much I didn't love porn. And how much connection in all relationships was being sacrificed on the altar of something that wasn't giving me what I thought it was. But that's just me.

Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.- Yogi Berra
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." ~ Calvin

Re: Overcoming challenges 12 Dec 2022 04:52 #389299

zedj Current streak: 14 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 627 Karma: 46	BH 8 days clean. Kislev is a big month for chabad and specifically tomorrow night yud tes kislev. The plan is to join a farbrengen and attempt to seriously set goals for myself and set up good resolutions. On that note: Please hold me accountable for the following 1- writeing up a pro vs con list 2- writeing up a contract I appreciate you guys! Wishing you all well!
	One who has given up hope is without a G‑d. One who sees hope in each day is already free