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Overcoming challenges
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Overcoming challenges 6141 Views

Re: Overcoming challenges 05 Feb 2021 07:57 #362795

  • Zedj
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73 days clean

BH im doing well.
I'm so grateful for everyday I can say "I'm clean".

Me thinking: I'm 73 days clean and I feel good...how do guys fall after tasting "freedom"!?

5 minutes later: oh look..A pretty girl!

I think I get it, there is no "freedom" just we can learn to not dwell or get overwhelmed by an urge or desire/fantasy.

Uch....it's hard.

Wishing you all well.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 07 Feb 2021 07:04 #362864

  • Zedj
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75 days clean

Shabbos was splendid.

Wishing you all a gut voch.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 09 Feb 2021 06:24 #362980

  • Zedj
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77 days clean

It's been harder day but Bh ending it off with me on top.

If anyone can explain to me like I'm 5:

what is the difference between lust vs attraction....is there an element of lust within attraction?

All I can think of is that there might be an over obsession when it comes to lust

I'm asking out of curiosity

Wishing you all well.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 09 Feb 2021 12:44 #362993

  • EvedHashem1836
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I'm not yet in the parsha so I don't have many relationships with nashim but it would seem to me that attraction is when you find someone's character and middos attractive and for that reason would want to spend the rest of your life with that person as opposed to lust which is based off of purely looks and is meant to derive pleasure
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Overcoming challenges 10 Feb 2021 04:57 #363067

  • Zedj
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78 days clean

B"H was a good day.


@E.H.1836
Thank you for your answer.
I'm not involved in any relationships at this time as well but soon enough.

Wishing you all well.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Overcoming challenges 10 Feb 2021 05:14 #363069

  • Lou
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Hi,
I assume you are referring to physical attraction vs lust. If you mean general attraction that can encompass personality,humor,middos etc. and lust obviously has none of those.
However if you are referring to be physically attracted to someone vs lusting after them it is more tricky. Sometimes it can just a be difference in semantics about how you are referring to the same thing.However we can differentiate.Attraction is needed in a marriage.However,possibly lust would refer to acting upon said attraction without any regard for any other variable. Pure selfish gratification.Attraction can lead to lust or it can lead to healthy marriage. It all depends upon who is in the drivers seat. Is it the neshama or the nefesh habahami? The attraction can be channeled the right way or the wrong way.
I am not sure if it is clear what I am trying to say. If anyone else can explain better please do so!

Re: Overcoming challenges 10 Feb 2021 06:27 #363072

  • Ish MiGrodno
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The consequence of attraction can oftentimes be selfless; i.e., I am attracted to this woman so I want to be meitiv to her. However, that very same attraction can easily lead to selfish lust - in which the hapless woman is no more than a heichi timtza for a beast to satisfy (very temporarily) a ravenous appetite.

In summation: Attraction is the impetus....for either becoming a nosein or a mekabeil.

Make sense?

And by the way, the oilam is extremely proud of our dear chaver zedj : )

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Overcoming challenges 11 Feb 2021 05:04 #363136

  • Realestatemogul
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Zedj wrote on 05 Feb 2021 07:57:
73 days clean

BH im doing well.
I'm so grateful for everyday I can say "I'm clean".

Me thinking: I'm 73 days clean and I feel good...how do guys fall after tasting "freedom"!?

5 minutes later: oh look..A pretty girl!

I think I get it, there is no "freedom" just we can learn to not dwell or get overwhelmed by an urge or desire/fantasy.

Uch....it's hard.

Wishing you all well.

First of all your are AWESOME!!!!

Second -

You are so close to the emes, but slightly off.

You are right that there will never be time in this world without the yetzer hara because that is the purpose of this world so that we may enjoy the next world. "Today is to do the mitzvot, and tomorrow is to get their reward."

However, there IS still freedom! Freedom is when you realize that that is the purpose and you say I am going to control myself. The first look is on Hashem, if you look for the second you are a slave. However, if you turn away you are FREE and in control. That's why they call it, "breaking free."

For example, there is a common mistake people have with filters. They think that if they need a filter they don't have self control. Who wants to feel like they have no control?? The truth is the opposite - when you put up a safeguard you say that I am in control of the situation and I will dictate how I want my life to go!

This is freedom! Saying that I am going to choose a life of purity and following through is Freedom at it's best!! I will be free from the yetzer hara, I will be free from lust, and I will be free from urges!!

Keep up the incredible work and inspiring us all!!!! 

#ChooseFreedom

Re: Overcoming challenges 11 Feb 2021 11:53 #363144

  • Hashem Help Me
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There is nothing lustful about physical attraction. A future wife should be someone you would be proud walking in the street with and feel satisfied with her sitting with you at your Shabbos table. Of course our thoughts should stay away from the sexual realm; but a pretty face, lilting voice, and dressing pleasantly has nothing to do with sex. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 02:32 #363377

  • Zedj
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83 days clean

Nothing short of a miracle here folks!

Thank you all for your responses.

@BYHH
Your earlier post was exactly how I have been feeling the whole day.
I aswell had a wet dream it's not an experience I want to have.
It can be a frustrating patch but what do we expect after useing pornography as an escape for long periods of time?
It's gonna linger around for abit.
I only hope these thoughts and fantasies fade away as we work to be clean from the garbage.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 15 Feb 2021 02:34 by Zedj.

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 04:28 #363388

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One day at a time. 
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 04:34 #363390

  • Lou
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I aswell had a wet dream it's not an experience I want to have.
It can be a frustrating patch but what do we expect after useing pornography as an escape for long periods of time?
It's gonna linger around for abit.
I only hope these thoughts and fantasies fade away as we work to be clean from the garbage.

I am not a Rav,therapist( at least not this kinda therapist),or expert in any way. However,regarding wet dreams I don't think you to have blame your previous bad habits. They are a normal part of healthy males lives in (what i think is) your age bracket. Is there an element of Teshuvah that we have to do for it? Yes,but it doesn't come to the levels needed for our other issues
.When discussing Torah personalities an obvious introduction is that we don't understand them at all but just using their lives to learn from them...Yaakov Avinu was praised that Reuven was his first seed. I assume that means it wasn't common by other tzadikim. Do we think ChvSh that they masturbated?? No,it was keri or wet dreams. Meaning that even back then it happened!
I am pretty sure that even those that BH are fairly sheltered in today's world regularly  have this issue. Ridding ourselves of this, is something to aspire to,but not something to be overly concerned about.
Hatzlocha!

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 05:21 #363394

  • Bigmoish
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serenity wrote on 15 Feb 2021 04:28:
One day at a time. 

Long time no see.
Nice to "see" you again.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 08:54 #363415

  • Striving Avreich
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Lou wrote on 15 Feb 2021 04:34:


I aswell had a wet dream it's not an experience I want to have.
It can be a frustrating patch but what do we expect after useing pornography as an escape for long periods of time?
It's gonna linger around for abit.
I only hope these thoughts and fantasies fade away as we work to be clean from the garbage.

I am not a Rav,therapist( at least not this kinda therapist),or expert in any way. However,regarding wet dreams I don't think you to have blame your previous bad habits. They are a normal part of healthy males lives in (what i think is) your age bracket. Is there an element of Teshuvah that we have to do for it? Yes,but it doesn't come to the levels needed for our other issues
.When discussing Torah personalities an obvious introduction is that we don't understand them at all but just using their lives to learn from them...Yaakov Avinu was praised that Reuven was his first seed. I assume that means it wasn't common by other tzadikim. Do we think ChvSh that they masturbated?? No,it was keri or wet dreams. Meaning that even back then it happened!
I am pretty sure that even those that BH are fairly sheltered in today's world regularly  have this issue. Ridding ourselves of this, is something to aspire to,but not something to be overly concerned about.
Hatzlocha!

My Rebbi told me that R' Volbe told him that R' Elya Lopian told him that in his day as a Mashgiach, 99% of Bochrim had mz"l. this obvioulsy not to say that they were addicted, did it multiple times or struggled with it for many years, but still.
Last Edit: 15 Feb 2021 08:54 by Striving Avreich.

Re: Overcoming challenges 15 Feb 2021 10:47 #363420

  • Hashem Help Me
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Wet dreams that come unprovoked (without lusting intensely during the previous day) should be completely ignored. They are an expected subconscious experience due to past habits and will iyh eventually diminish. Much has been written about them on the forum. Just keep on moving forward and do not pay any attention to them.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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