Hello 
 Day 1
I am starting to post about my journey. I have been having a lot of difficulties staying clean ever since my filter was bypassed a few months ago. I think that motivation from other people in this forum will help me. I started acting out when I was 9 years old and have been unsuccessfully trying to stop since my bar mitzvah. I'm now 26.  I've made some progress and my longest streak was approximately 100 days, and Ive had a few streaks of 20, 40, and 60 days. I will keep you updated on my Journey and difficulties. Beezrat Hashem I will succeed, and I wish the same for all those struggling with this teavah. 

One thing that I believed helped me get back up from my last fall is to accept that my only goal in life should be to do the Will of my Creator. It's difficult to comprehend,  that the Will of Hashem is that I don't act out, but I know that it is written in the Torah. So that gives me the strength to combat my urges when they arise. I know it's a simple thought, but maybe it can also help others when they have an urge just to understand that by not acting on this urge you are doing the Will of the Creator of the universe! And nothing is better than doing His Will. 

I almost fell yesterday because I found a way to bypass the filter of my parental controls on my iPhone, but I talked myself out of it. Again almost had a fall this morning because I was thinking about p***, but I just rested and it helped me a lot. I closed my eyes and imagined how my neural pathways are completely changing now because I'm not acting out. I'm very happy that I didn't fall in the end.

Firstly, I wish you much hatzlacha on your journey.

Secondly, good save not falling. Takes willpower, so hats off to you.

Lastly, what are you going to do about the filter? If you can bypass it once, you may be able to do it again. I recommend you plan ahead, on how to make it more secure. And don't rely solely on the filter, use other techniques as well.

Only berachos.

Thanks.  I can't rely on the filter anymore at all because I know how to completely bypass it. I can only rely on my will power now

AniMaamin-
Welcome to GYE and great hatzlachah on your journey.

Have you looked into other filter options? In my opinion, it is well worth any money spent on a good filter. Maybe it is time to spend $100-200 a year.

It is true that filters alone won't solve all problems. I have great filters and I still struggle, but if there is an alternative to your current filter situation, why not go for it?

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 18 Aug 2020 14:52:

The filter I have costs more than 100 dollars a year and I bypassed it completely.

AniMaamin wrote on 18 Aug 2020 16:52:

You might want to try something with accountability like webchaver.

Willpower alone doesn't work, if it would, you wouldn't be here.

wilnevergiveup wrote on 18 Aug 2020 19:02:

I think I use this website to strengthen my willpower. I don't have anybody that can be my webchaver. So my plan was to use this forum as partial accountability by posting about anything bad that I do. Also, I usually don't have time to be on the computer most of the day so that will also prevent me. I think there are people that succeeded staying clean without a filter.  

AniMaamin wrote on 18 Aug 2020 19:16:

Sure there are people, I thing on GYE you find one of those for every 500 that need one. 

You have to be honest with yourself it could be you don't only time will tell.

Not sure how much accountability an anonymous website can give you, if you want to leave no one will really say boo (we will but you can just ignore us if you want).

What in the world does that mean "you don't have anyone to be your webchaver", you don't know anyone, or there is no one that you want to find out if you slip? 
If the latter, well that's the point.

Either way, keep posting, looking forward to hearing good stuff.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

Thanks . It's difficult for me to explain why I don't want to use webchaver....

I had a couple of falls the past few days, but I've had a lot of free time lately so that must be the reason I won't have as much free time next week so hopefully, that'll make it easier. In between my falls I held myself back from falling a few times so I'm proud that I at least put up a fight.

AniMaamin wrote on 21 Aug 2020 08:10:

I must second what willnevergiveup so truthfully wrote.

You must work out some kind of new filter or webchaver or something. Must. Without it it is literally like trying to scale a formidable mountain without the requisite climbing gear. It's not a bonus or luxury, it's a dire necessity. I know it may be hard or uncomfortable or expensive, but the other way is worse. So much worse.

Mountain goats can hop and skip across the mountainside effortlessly without gear. We are not goats, we are humans. Some people can exercise self control without filters, we are not them, we are lusters.

Watching you post that you believe you can do it solely with self control and that GYE lends accountability instead of a filtering option and then immediately posting that you fell a few times...I mean isn't that clear? It's a pipe dream. 

My friend, please stop holding your breath and trying to swim. Just get yourself a boat. Asap. It may be expensive or inconvenient or even embarrassing, but sinking to the ocean bottom in defeat is definitely more painful.

                                  Grant

Hi,

This is so relevant to me at the moment.

I too have been falling. And I too have no real filter / accountability software. I use webchaver, but it doesn't really work for me. Super simple for me to get around the filter, and it barely ever spots anything other than flat out porn for me. I've only ever had it come up in my report once that I visited inappropriate sites. My parents could have seen this, but thank G-d, they didn't open the email that week. I'm just saying, make sure it works for you before you get it.

Hard as it is to admit, I think the above posts are right. We're lusters. And that means willpower won't cut it. It's like I saw in relation to the 12 steps - there's an idea we are powerless. Someone wrote in to this site screaming that is against Judaism, which believes we have free choice etc. But GYE responded it doesn't mean we have no power to change. It means we cannot change that we are addicts. We can now do what works for addicts, and stay clean. But we cannot just 'not be addicts.'

I bet you think like I do that we're not addicted. Just heavy lust. Could be, but the results speak for themselves. Quitting with willpower isn't working. My proof? 6 years of trying. That's the proof. I believe the yetzer tries to get us to believe we have more control then we do. But its an illusion. Addiction or now addiction. I can't beat this with will alone.

I'm writing this mainly to myself. I was even going to write it on my own thread. But it was so relevant here. You're going through exactly the same thing I am. We need to decide to change.

Hatzlocha

I have to say I was so close to not getting a filter. I got very lucky and had an opportunity to get one with accountability without the awkwardness involved.
One thing I realized from that is that you can ask someone to take the key to your accountability software and tell them its because you waste too much time looking aat the news or YouTube or whatever, and that you want to limit it.

Also in general filters are part of the solution. Issues like this don't have simple one dimensional fixes that work on their own...