500 cumulative days clean, a bittersweet moment.
It's a lot of clean days, but not many strung together
It took me a long time to get to a month clean, at least a year since I joined GYE. I fell, but managed to have another 2/3 periods of a month each where I was clean. Even managed to get up to 60 days clean at one point.
Since then its felt like a bit of a regression back to where I was, back to the
plateau of struggling to break the cycle of going more than a week or two clean, which is where I was 500 days ago. Back to square one.
Falls are normal in the beginning, but are they still normal 500+ days in?
Have I progressed? I don't know. Yes I had clean periods, but why have I returned to this cycle? I know there's no short path to success, but I'm on the long windy path and it feels like it goes in circles. After a lot of trekking, the viewpoint of the rest of the journey looks suspiciously familiar as it did a long time ago. While other guys come here on GYE, and bH make great progress, I feel lost in the maze, finding myself back near the start.
My thoughts are racing, but I have nothing else commit to writing. Just an overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself
Warning: Spoiler!Gonna close up this thread here