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Restarting the journey, after a plateau
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TOPIC: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 11961 Views

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 23 Sep 2020 20:39 #355394

Thank you ITK, really appreciate your message.

With regards to desire, I think it's been a very smooth sailing 3 weeks, so that's why I thought maybe there's been an improvement. I feel I've been quite preventative, I've managed not to let thoughts settle for so long, as I would in the past. I think I've also got rid of all triggers, and my filters set up well. (I won't get complacent here, nor should I try double checking that they are working as intended) From past experience, when I have access to things that trigger me, which is mostly things which aren't inappropriate, I get quite worked up, and often then my desire will spill over into the inappropriate other things as well, in addition to just raising my general level of desire to be mz"l

It could be I'm out of practice for when I get a lust attack, it's hard to tell (I don't want to have to find out). Maybe dealing with those scenarios is a different avodah...

Gmar Chasima Tova

​p.s. Looking forward to hearing your responses to those questions, I haven't forgotten...

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 24 Sep 2020 21:36 #355461

Another 2 clean days bH

Occasionally felt small desires, more than normal but still not much in the scheme of things, to let my thoughts and mind wonder, but other than that it has been smooth sailing bH. Feeling very thankful

Gmar Chasima Tova, have a great shabbos and a meaningful Yom Kippur if I don't write before then

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 28 Sep 2020 19:09 #355579

Another few clean days bH and a good Yom Kippur. One day away from 4 weeks, bli ayin hora, woah that went by fast, and 3 days away from my goal of 30 days. The days are starting to tick by, gotta watch for withdrawal symptoms and also complacency. 

I'm gonna start to set my next goal, I'm thinking 40 or 45, what do you guys think? I think 45 is achievable, just might be too much of a jump for now

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 28 Sep 2020 21:01 #355581

Firstly, a massive congrats on almost a monh clean!

The GYE system jumps from day 30 to 50 I think. Pretty steep, but it seems their logic is to always increase the number of clean days as your next goal. So if your last goal was 14 - 30 clean days, you don't want to go below 17 more clean days, if that makes sense. I'm not sure what your goals have been until now, but that kind of formula makes sense to me.

All the best

p.s. I bli neder will still answer them...

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 28 Sep 2020 21:11 #355583

Ok thanks, I've been going with week increases, and maybe 9 days at the moment, so I guess 15 more, (30-45) isn't too much according to their way.
Ps. No pressure on the answers

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 01 Oct 2020 07:03 #355674

30 days clean today. Wow that's a lot, the most since I started keeping track, very thankful to Hashem for helping me this far! Thank you to all of you for your comments of encouragement, for the thank yous and for the phone calls.

"Looking_to_improve" post=354843 date=1599691847 catid=4
When will I get close to a third of 90 days? I'm feeling quite disheartened


You'll make it there very soon, just keep putting in the effort and davening and it will be the easiest month you've had so far.

The main lesson I have learnt is to get rid of triggers. I don't know the exact definition, but in my mind even something tzius can be triggering, so although it's not clear outright something osur(from their perspective), it's probably osur (I think lo sosuru, but I don't know for sure) to be looking in the way I did(ie my perspective), and is best to get rid of them as much as possible. I've felt a lot less desire without spending time every day looking at triggers, and it makes the fight much easier.

Yes I feel like a sicko realising I need to delete peoples contacts who have completely normal tznius profile pictures and avoiding similar things which shouldn't be problematic, and that they cause me problems, but I feel like a lot less of a sicko going a month clean without feeling a lot of desire for what I used to look at.

I don't think I quite understood the weight of this message at the time, but I realise now that this is a hugely important idea Grant was saying.

"Grant400" post=354564 date=1599149229 catid=4

1) The fact that you can access inappropriate content on your phone and you don't believe in removing it because you must learn how to live with basic every day triggers.My friend, the less a person eats the less weight he gains. Yes there are inescapable situations where you will be exposed to something, but every one less is one less.
Also, for now you must completely remove everything possible that promotes lust. After a while where you are clean you will find your perspective changing (more on this in #2) where it won't be something you can't have but rather something you may crave but absolutely don't want. At that point you may be able to have access to basic inappropriate content and have a reasonable (maybe) excuse. (It's still not a lovely idea) 
                                  Grant

Also speaking through where I'm holding with a Rebbe and someone from gye definitely helps. Aside from them being able to add things you don't know, how to deal with situations etc , just speaking to someone(not just messaging) and getting it off your chest can also give you a big push in the right direction.

I have the opportunity of being in Eretz Yisroel this year, in a secluded Yeshiva. I can probably go the whole year without seeing many triggers, and hopefully beH by the end of the year I can be have a solid basis in this area.

I'd like to try get to rosh chodesh clean, we have a schedule for bein hazmanim because we can't leave yeshiva, but there's still a lot of free time. That's 17 days from now, so I guess I'll go with gyes count and go 20 more days and aim for 50.
Looking forward to joining you all on the way

Looking_to_improve
Last Edit: 01 Oct 2020 07:10 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 04 Oct 2020 19:49 #355746

3 more days clean, 33 days
Current goal: 50 - 17 days to go

Very busy erev Yom tov, and slept in the sukka for the first time. Enjoying Yom tov so far!
Very thankful and grateful to HKB"H that I've been clean for this long, and also how simple it has been so far.

That's all for now
Checking out for now(I'm not going anywhere, I check these forums religiously) 

Looking_to_improve
Last Edit: 04 Oct 2020 19:52 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 06 Oct 2020 13:53 #355809

5 weeks today!

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 06 Oct 2020 14:13 #355810

  • Grant400
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Looking_to_improve wrote on 06 Oct 2020 13:53:
5 weeks today!

Mazal tov! Beautiful! Thank you for inspiring everyone here! You should be zoche to 5 more +!

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 06 Oct 2020 14:27 #355812

Thank you Grant for inspiring us all. it makes a big difference having you help us on our way to growth!

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 07 Oct 2020 07:50 #355851

Had a wet dream last night, don't think I did anything in the day that caused it so not so concerned about it.

Woke up, washed myself and my pajamas off, and couldn't find my esrog. In the end someone else had just taken the wrong one, and I made it in time to catch up with the chazan. A bit of an unusual and busy morning, but I think I made the best of it, given the circumstances.

The dream was a bit weird but not sure if I should think about it too much.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 07 Oct 2020 11:26 #355857

Firstly, congrats on over 5 weeks clean!

My advice when it comes to nighttime emissions, and the accompanying dreams, is to ignore them. Hard enough staying clean while we are conscious, without having to try and control the incontrollable. If anything, they are actually a good sign, with the body clearing out the spare semen and whatnot.

A quick warning: I find my taiva levels shoot up after a wetdream. Not sure if its scientific - hormones and the like, or something else, but just something to watch out for.

All the best.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 07 Oct 2020 12:06 #355859

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 07 Oct 2020 11:26:
Firstly, congrats on over 5 weeks clean!

My advice when it comes to nighttime emissions, and the accompanying dreams, is to ignore them. Hard enough staying clean while we are conscious, without having to try and control the incontrollable. If anything, they are actually a good sign, with the body clearing out the spare semen and whatnot.

A quick warning: I find my taiva levels shoot up after a wetdream. Not sure if its scientific - hormones and the like, or something else, but just something to watch out for.

All the best.

Thanks, that's what I was planning to do, is to ignore it, I didn't do anything to cause it. 
Thank you for the heads up, my taiva levels seem to be normal today, but I guess I'll need to be aware they might jump up 

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 08 Oct 2020 22:14 #355926

Another clean day bH. 

Re: Restarting the journey, after a plateau 11 Oct 2020 17:24 #355964

40 days clean bH

Last 2 days I've not been as careful as I should have been with my thoughts. My thoughts are more about how I would fall or act out, than fantasising, which is what I normally have to clear my mind of. Not sure why it's harder to clear my mind of these thoughts more than those, but I need to put in more effort.
Last Edit: 11 Oct 2020 17:28 by Looking_to_improve.
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