Short update from me. I fell a few days go on my 18th day. I feel stupid for making some obvious mistakes but I fell grateful for 18 days, which is one of the best results I had in a few months. I've managed not to binge since then, which is also good. I've been clean for last 6 days. Building it up again.

Testero wrote on 29 Sep 2020 10:54:

Awesome work brother! My personal opinion, FWIW, is that not binging after a fall is perhaps the most important thing; it really shows that there was growth. We will all mess up at some point in some way. How we handle it is key. KUTGW!

So I fell after 8 days but now I'm clean since then (11 days). Happy days. I had standard urges a few times but managed to get by. BTW. sorry for not posting, I've been extremely busy again.

I've been listening to "The Fight" recently and been thinking about our struggle. It's not just to "be clean" or to set the record. Yeah sure, it's important, but it's not the aim here. For me now it's much, much more. It's to become a new version of me, better than yesterday, worse than tomorrow. New me, better in every aspect of human being. The whole scope. This fight that I have in life is a path for me to reach greatness, to reach the plan that G_d has for me. This is how I can rise and sky is literally the only limit. I start to see myself in the whole new perspective and see the potential to be this amazing human being, to win heaven and follow G_d's will here on Earth. It's this amazing grace of G_d who wants not just lift us from mud, but to make us princes. 

Brothers, I'm convinced that this struggle can be a blessing if we use it right. Yes, it is ugly. But keep in mind that this gives us a clear perspective, a well defined situation. We see this filth in our life. We hate it, we refuse to live with it. This is our mission. It's a duty we cannot shun, a fight we cannot desert from, a task we must fulfill. We feel this fire strongly in our hearts. So clench your fists, warriors, and say 'bring it on!'. And prepare to fall million times, but don't forget to stand up immediately after! Keep fighitng, you're getting there! I pray for you almost every day - please pray for me and I'll see you in heaven.

Testero wrote on 13 Oct 2020 11:47:

These are powerful words man. I am happy that you have reached this level of faith and strength. Will pray for you. 

Long time no see... 

I was planning to post here more often but life gets in the way. I've been super busy again. Had some good fights that I've won and a few that I've lost. Yesterday I had a fall again. Looked at my graph today and it looks I haven't reached three weeks in the last 3 months. Barely crossed it once in the last 6 months.

I start to think that my progress has stopped and the obvious reason I see is because I don't feed myself enough with the wisdom and proper attitude. I have an extremely busy time in my professional and private life which helps me stay clean for several days but at the same time gets in the way when I want to stick to proper routine consistently.

I feel that these glimpses of clarity that G-d gives me are for me to stay on the track and be patient. I found it helpful in difficult moments to look back on my posts and recall the strength that I was given.

Starting again today, I won't give up. That's my mission and that's my statement. Stay strong brothers.

By the way: some time ago I've heard about Navy Seals creed. I've found it today and realized it's filled with the attitude, wisdom and power that strongly resonates with my heart, so I've decided to slightly rephrase some parts of it below. It is for me and it's for you, brothers. It's a promise and it's a statement. It's for all of us. May G-d fill your heart and mind with his power and restore your awareness of the brave warrior that you are!

Hey guys, I had a fall yesterday. Again. I'm experiencing a difficult time lately. Can't stay clean for longer than a few days. I feel tired. I would appreciate if you could pray for me. Thanks.

Hang in there brother. We're praying and rooting for you. You might have fallen, but you will surely rise. Keep at it and don't give up!

 I relate to falling way too much.
Your fighting.
Keep it up!

Remember...
"If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission."

Thank you for your replies guys and for reminding me my own words.
I have fallen again yesterday. Not much of a change in my situation.
I don't ever think of quitting, but I'm tired of being in the same spot.
I think I need to spend more time on analyzing my life, my triggers and things I should work on next. Being busy keeps me away from temptations for a while but at the same time I'm not making conscious changes in my life, not much effort towards change. And I'm pretty confident that if I don't change anything, nothing will change.

Testero wrote on 03 Dec 2020 12:45:

My friend,

IMHO these words sum up everything that's going on.You nailed it! I just skimmed through your thread and this is what I've deduced. You have an amazing fight in you and you want it badly, but like you wrote you may have never been trying to make any fundamental changes in your understanding of the game.

It seems you feel lust is a relentless need that you must outsmart and outmaneuver constantly. That's why you place such importance on shutting your phone, keeping busy etc. You are understanding that that is the way to be one step ahead of this horribly powerful "lusticity".

I made the same mistake, effectively using tricks and filters as my primary and exclusive defense line. It was amazing. I was completely in control because I set up an insane amount of roadblocks, sorta like a military state. But as soon as there was the slightest flaw in my system, I melted like a block of ice on a hot summer day, because I never put any thought or training into that possibility, to me that was beyond my capability. Like a wild beast who can be controlled only via a cage, release him and the mirage of control is all but lost.

Until I was taught that I was completely wrong, and continuing this way will never produce a long term solution. It will just remain a vicious cycle. I was led to understand that lust isn't a wild beast that must be kept locked up or outsmarted. No, it can be told NO! It need not be reckoned nor negotiated with at all. Do not honor it with any attention. We do have the ability to stand up do it and still remain strong. We can change our perspective and realize that it is just a thought. A thought that will actually cause you more pain a disillusionment than the pleasure it so enticingly offers.

When we focus on changing our minds about this battle and discard decades of twisted thinking that we must respond to his every beck and call, we can start to spread our wings and fly free for the very first time. No more running in fear, scared of ambush at any corner. We are in control.

All these tactics and ploys we put in place to deter us from falling are amazing and usually necessary. But that can't take our focus off of the main objective. Without changing ourselves, all the tricks will never offer any long term or substantial solutions. We will be spinning our wheels in the sand aimlessly.

So my fellow Navy SEAL, you and I both know that the mark of a warrior who will make it through BUDS is more about his mental stamina than his brawny body. He can be the biggest hunk of steel, but without the mentality of "I can do this no matter what" he will be ringing that bell in humiliation and placing his helmet on the floor. Anyone can be taught CQC and be trained as a sniper, but the difference in mental training will be immediately clear in the heat of the battle and the height of confusion.

Let us think like SEALS, and understand it's less about weapons and technology and more about us.

Remember, we don't negotiate with terrorists, we take 'em out - with pleasure.

                   
                                   Grant

Wow, just wow...!

your post means a lot to me, Grant400. I completely agree with you, I guess I had similar observations, but never really thought deep enough about it to verbalize it. Thank you so much for doing this! It's a great guideline. I definitely need some time to contemplate on everything you wrote.

As for now, in terms of changing something in my life, I've decided to fight for time to visit gye daily and read through the 20 tools for the next 20 days. I started long time ago when I first got here, but never really went deeper than first few articles. I believe this should help me to stay motivated, inspired and keep a proper perspective.

I'll do my best to post daily on the forum as well, but this may not always be possible, because I've decided to keep all of this as a secret from my wife (although she's one of the main reasons that I fight - I love her very much and I want my love to be pure).

I'm still clean. Praying for all of you, brothers. Please pray for me as well.

Hi guys, short update from me: I've reached 7 days and fell yesterday. I did login everyday on GYE but I didn't stick to the routine of reading the handbook everyday. 

I had several tough fights, but this time instead of only fencing myself from opportunities to fall, I've also practiced this new approach that Grant400 suggested. Whenever I had a lustful thought, I just told myself: "This is just a thought, you don't need to follow it. You can choose to discard it. It's an illusion. Following it will only lead you to pain." and... it really helped me, I've resisted many times.

I regret falling, I feel terrible today, but on the other hand I'm thankful for reaching 7 days (best result this month, 2nd best in two months), so I try to keep my spirit by looking at the progress. I plan to go back to the routine that I've established before. Hopefully it will work better than this time.

Hey buddy! 
Keep going... dont think about your fall, if you feel you need to think about it, tell yourself that you will think it over in 3 days... 
thinking about the fall right after wont help you in any way except of making you more depressed, and causing you to fall again.
and maybe it's time, to change the battle plan? Maybe pick up the phone, or take a partner, it helped lots of guys here...
keep fighting, your an inspiration!

Dear Chevra,
I need your prayers.
Bez"H this Friday morning at 8 AM I am IYH being rolled into the operating room to donate a kidney to 22 year old near where I live.
The operation is IYH starting at 9 AM. Please pray. Please pray that everything should go well.

Thanks brothers