welcome formywife125

For state 2, the flat state, either sleep or go for a walk.

Or force yourself to do some cleaning/tidying.

I guess that state is a mixture of tiredness and mild depression, so I recommend a positive action to change it.

@colincolin posted this on another forum, I haven't read it but it may help. Let me know what you think. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior 

I'm with you. I am going to make today day 1, again. I've succeeded in the past for a time, a few times, but definitely late nights, movies, too much food, or visual imagery in secular pop culture plants a seed of wanting more, and the yetzer harah has fooled me to not think sometimes.

formywife125 wrote on 21 May 2020 04:18:

So sorry I didn't see this response until now. Feldheim recently put out a great book on Mindfulness, it might be k'dai for you to get a copy (https://www.feldheim.com/mindfulness) I know several members here going through it, myself included. 

Hi Yosef10- thanks for the reply! Sorry my replies arent as long and involved- I dont get much time to be on GYE. My wife cannot see me on it, and she's usually around.
I have done a full MBSR course, and lots of classes etc. I guess I am putting too much stock into meditating, and losing focus that meditating is just a means to get to mindfulness. Im also a perfectionist. So I just need soem sort of external gage to know if the effort is worth it.

I hear you. I just dont often have the option just to go to sleep (I have a busy schedule and kids BH). Walk and Loud Jewish Music may work. I need to try.

Tremendous Hatzalacha!!!!

formywife125 wrote on 14 Jun 2020 14:33:

I'm happy to help, keep it up. Trust me, I need the Chizuk and advice as much as everyone else... 
Also just a random though, maybe it's a good idea if you would inculde your wife in your journey through mindfulness. Studies show those that meditate together feel a closeness in a different way. You don't really have to tell her about your struggle, just say someone suggested to you, make up a story, and say you think it could be beneficial for both of you... Especially in corona times.
Just a random idea that popped into my head, either way keep up the great work, and thanks for keeping us posted.  

Thank you Yosef10. You always have helpful and sweet posts. You should be blessed.
My wife knows almost EVERYTHING about my struggle. I dont know if I should publicly share my story, bc it may not be relevant for people, but I made some really bad decisions. Thank Hashem, my life is great now, but thats not because of ME. 
She hates meditation and mindfulness.. Very practical type of person. 
The dynamics of our marraige (though very good now BH,) are complicated.