Life Aniyud Daytee (I'm just a Bachur on a 10 day streak who's working on himself like everyone else) If I may... I believe that Ramban, Rashi, Rambam and the Tomer Devroah, regardless of what they hold is exactly defined as the actual issur itself, or whether or not it's a chiyuv to go beyond the letter of the law... I think if they were alive today and I asked whether fantasies, or google images, or even Netflix is muttar, they would do more than try to darshen out Maarei Mekomos.
My goal isn't at all chas vesholom to dispute or argue with those who did bring sources and are involved on what the lishonos actually mean (not at all) but rather to make the point that regardless of GYE rules, my rules, or even Torah rules, it's never a good idea to flirt with danger. It's very easy, I know for myself, to get caught up in Halacha Lemaysa, or whether or not I can still keep my 90 day streak going... But that's not the ikur.
Rather the ikur, at least in this inyan, is to be as careful as I can be, and do my set in any moment.
To ask myself whether doing less (or even more) than that I believe doesn't really coincide with Torah values. And if you have a fall that doesn't mean you don't have Torah values it just means you forgot in the moment and wanted something else more. What it DOES mean though is that when I'm in a sane state of mind, really make those important decisions of what I am going to expose myself to, and whether or not that is good for me (even things not related to the struggle).
My Rebbe had a schmooze recently, and he spoke about how if someone where to come up to us, a random guy in the middle of the street, and curse or talk about our wife or daughter in a non tzniyut way, at the very least we would KNOCK THAT GIY OUT, and would anyone think of letting that guy into our homes. NO!!
So then why, when we hear celebrities as actors, or musicians on the radio talk about the figure of women, drugs, and cars are the only valuable things in life, we don't get infuriated. Just like that guy in the street, this content should effend us in some way. Plus, the idea that we don't the content to effect us. The more we hear cursing, the more we are likely to curse, the more we sing about lust and esire, the more we think about it.
Theres also another concept brought up called the "mental tank". We all have a certain amount of energy throughout the day that we use to keep us in line with our morals. If during the day, we were looking at no kosher images, listening to music, or watching Netflix (aside from the point before that we would be more accustom to it) how much more likely are we, when a real urge comes before us and we have the battle right ahead, to be much more likely to fall. The day we were giving ourselves these little appetizers, when the main dish seems to be in front of us, HOW CAN WE SAY NO?
I have understood this in my own battles even with kosher things. I gave 2 devises, one with filtered Internet, and one without Internet at all. When I'm on the devise with access, even though it's filtered, and even if I a sure I won't do anything. The little idea in the back of my head that says "if you really wanted you can find something to look at" is another battle that I don't have to fight when I use the device without Internet access. It's this little decision, on what device to work on, EVEN WHEN I AM LEVEL HEADED AND NOT IN A LUST MOOD, that can be the determining factor whether or not I fall later on. I always should try to do my best to make sure I have as much in the mental tank as possible, so if the battle does come, I have energy to say no and walk away.
This is is some.new Hashkafa that I have been thinking of that can also Apple to many other things in life, like Torah learning, work, relationships. if I can better put myself in a position to succeed, and set myself up for technical success to the best of my ability, what more can others,myself and Hashem ask from me. I'm only human.
