Moe is showing us that when someone craves lust they get to that point where, without realising it they are desperately looking for an outlet. 

'I just want to feast my eyes on chani and hear her voice' etc

We have to realise that we have something that we can do for the wife as a climax to a relaxing enjoyable evening if and when she wants it. 

It takes a lot of rewiring to see ejaculation as something that I don't need and I won't do-unless I'm doing to bring myself closer to my wife. When she wants it. 

And a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage is only possible when you are thinking of what will make your wife happy.
Not what will make you happy. Not what will give you an outlet, a release. Not what you want should make her happy. 
It has to be truly an act of giving, of thinking of her only, of making her feel loved and close to you. 

Moe has a lot of work ahead. 
He can't just give up that phone relationship and pornography. 
He has to stop looking for outlets for his desires. Stop seeking his own pleasure. And start having a loving relationship with his wife. A giving relationship. Loving her as a person. As his wife. 
Only then can he start living. Have a healthy, enjoyable and kosher marriage. 

starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:29:

I have no idea what the rest of story is teaching us I'm sure it's very mystical and will explained in due course. 

The peanut butter section should probably be explained k'pshuto

starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:39:


Seriously though, thanks for your post. 

I am going home tomorrow for Shabbos. I need to prepare. 
HELP!

BHYY wrote on 13 Jan 2021 18:20:

The first (and best) thing you should do (as always) is daven. Daven that the Gedarim should work and that you should not break them. Daven that you should not see anything bad, even be’ones. Daven that you should not have nisyonos that are difficult to overcome. Daven that you should succeed in any Nisayon that may come your way. 

We will all be davening for you as well!
Keep strong and keep us posted.

starting wrote on 13 Jan 2021 06:29:

Just thought I'd share.

I heard today in a Shiur from R' Chaim Eisenstein shlit"a (on torah anytime, one of his shalom bayit classes) that someone once came to Reb Yisroel Salanter Zt"l saying that he bought his wife a gift and she didn't appreciate it. So Reb Yisroel Salanter asked him, Did you buy your wife a gift, or yourself a gift?!

Sometimes, we think we are doing it for the wife, when really we are selfish.

I spoke to the head of the filter company for a while about fixing the loophole I found. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there is anything they can do (I suggested a few things but they wouldn't work). My only option was to install WebChaver in addition so random screenshots are being taken of my screen and being sent to my Rebbe and a GYE chaver. I am hoping this will dissuade me from doing anything bad.
Unfortuantely, having the two programs running has made my computer very slow. I know this is for my benefit and in the long run it will be worth it but for a computer guy this is rough. I work in IT and just got this shiny new fast computer...which is now slow. Ah well, worth it if it helps me move forward from lust. Gotta keep my eyes on the prize...a life free of shmutz.

My plan for Shabbos:

1. Daven
2. I won’t even touch an unfiltered device.
3. Post here at least once a day to update on my status (vchol hamarbeh harei zeh meshubach...)
4.  Daven some more

I'm home now.
Bez"H it should be a clean Shabbos.

YES!!!!!!
I went to the barber this morning and he always has the TV going. Always a game show at that time and I usually watch along (it's a barber's waiting area...what are you supposed to do??) But I joined YESOD for Shovavim and wanted no extra triggers while I'm home this Shabbos. It wasn't easy but I went in and sat down, pulled out my phone and opened Uvlechtecha Baderech and did Shnayim Mikra.
These eyes didn't see a game show, no hosts, no contestants, no models. These eyes are clean!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BHYY wrote on 15 Jan 2021 18:29:

                                     

BHYY wrote on 15 Jan 2021 18:29:

HERO!!!!!!

Shabbos was really nice Baruch Hashem.
Friday night I was having some fantasy dream that I (chasdei Hashem) cannot recall. I woke up in the middle of the night about to ejaculate but B"H did not. I have not been entertaining fantasies these past couple of days so I am assuming it was my Y"H going a meshugeh and trying to get me. Either way, we go on.
I have a little bit of freedom tomorrow in when I return to Yeshiva, I don't have to rush back early in the morning as I usually do. This staying home a little longer is making me nervous because it is more time where I can c"v be nichshal. My gedarim are still firmly in place. Daven, never touch an unfiltered device, and Daven some more. 

Just got a really strong urge. I'm still home and I decided to do a little household maintenance for my parents that I've been pushing off. They went out and I just got hit with a huge urge. There is an unfiltered computer steps away from me.
But I'm not going on it. I'm not going to masturbate either. I don't do that anymore. I don't need to do this. I'm going to get past this.

Such a desire to sin now. So easy to go and slip into a fantasy world for a few hours. 
I will not.