@Singularity posted an idea quoted by Dov on a different chain I'm on, I though it would be great for every to see if they can apply it

""I think it's from one of his 12-step workshops. I'll paraphrase:

He chuckles when people come to him and say (in a thick chassidish accent) "I can hold myself for x days..." and then he goes on to explain how they feel the struggle gets worse every day because it's like holding your breath or pushing down this spring that eventually is just going to burst forth, it's just a matter of time, whereas the spiritual 12-step approach is to surrender each day so the accumulation of time doesn't become some sort of precedence, and then the passing of time doesn't get more difficult. 

His idea of one day at a time, which is my best understood, is that, you can push as much as you want today, it won't exempt you from having to go to the bathroom tomorrow. It's not the idea of, "I can hold on for one day, then one more, then one more, and eventually I'll get 90 days", it's more the idea of "There IS only today. There's nothing else that I can really do or change." And living like that negates the buildup of mostly imagined pressure.""

Last night was a close one. It was really difficult because I was on my computer for a lot of the day, plus I woke up late which led me to believe messed up my whole schedule.
Then it was 12:00 pm and I'm fighting back and forth looking at images but nothing really explicit, debating whether or not I should go further. It was really difficult but eventually I went to my room and told myself I wouldn't leave for the night. What set me up for that success was...

1. I would have to tell my new partner
2. that I have a taphsic method right around the corner
3. I have a 12 day streak which means ill bee heading into week 3 soon (I heard thats when withdrawal starts to diminish), and I am excited to experience that. It's not every day I can decide whether or not to break an 11 day streak.
4. told myself if I didn't have a fall, I would reward myself with new Guitar strings that I wanted (I've been using little incentives lately to boost me up).
5. I was still very committed to stopping(even though I was debating it in my head strongly)
6. It was very removed from me, all of the devices were all the downstairs (I would have to be committed to falling if I really wanted to)
7. I practiced some guitar and listened to a little bit of Music (I know it's Sefira, but it was Pikuach Nefesh (probably should have asked though:).

In the end I came out clean, and woke up today pretty slowly, knowing that the battle would continue throughout the day.
BH I was able to go on a walk with my family to day, so I did get some fresh air.
...but its 9:04pm currently and I still have to be on my computer until 10:50 for Yeshiva. I hope I can handle it.

Way to be!
I just wanted to let you know that a love that quote you put at the end of your posts.
Keep up the good work brother 

This is my old story, and I'm continuing form where I left off, from about 2+ years ago.

The truth is that I used the GYE site when I was much younger, and thanks to that, friends, Rebeim, and just simply committing to not watch porn, I lasted 333. It was probably the longest days of my life, and although I had success in this area, it took a toll on my mental well-being. With no other way out, I decided to start seeing a psychologist.
Again, I was successful in this area, but at what expense. It eventually lead to depression and anxiety, doing worse in school. Then, on maybe one of the craziest days of my life, my 333 days streak was broken. It was as if I had no self control, I was saying "no, don't do it", as I was typing, crying out loud, and had even spoke to a partner a couple minutes before. 
...until it broke through, and my streak ended.

To me my streak was everything, I was convinced that I would NEVER watch porn again, and then for it to happen, like that, it didn't sit well with me. I eventually went back into 6 month long state of depression, with many ups and downs. With the support of my friends, and Rebeim, I was able to keep going, and Thank G-d I made it through senior year (mostly asleep though). To my luck there were also some other family members who were also in a deep depression. (Interestingly during that time I stepped up and helped out the family.)
During that time it was "open season" in terms of my usage, and although I had some short moments of working myself, it was usually brought to a halt by porn. 
Although that was a crazy time emotionally and, theres a lot that learned, and eventually was lead back here, in a more healthy manor. As it goes, I will be fighting smarter, not harder. I have taken up meditation, I write in a notebook I have, Ive reconnected with all of my Rebeim, and I think I'm ready for another go. Being sent home early from Yeshiva was no treat, and being trapped in the house doesn't necessarily put me in the best of circumstances. Although I know there will bumps on the way, it's always worth a shot, I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AND ALL TO GAIN . Mental health may be one of the best investments in the worldI will hopefully still be able to use the program for now with the different YOSEF10, and take full advantage of the beautiful work you guys put together. 

Thanks so much for everything, and KEEP FIGHTING!!
-Joseph

P.S. Please if anyone is for some interested in further details (because you want chizuk, or a juicy story), ASK AWAY

Going on day 12 right now!!!
​Pretty exciting actually it's late and I will go to sleep clean tonight BEZH.
​Thanks so much for listening guys, can't do it without you.

Jj123 wrote on 29 Apr 2020 01:47:

Thanks, it resonated with me because I even have trouble sometimes waking up WITH an alarm clock. 

But I got out of bed this morning and I plan on it tomorrow also!!

yosef10 wrote on 29 Apr 2020 02:43:

I relate to a lot of this. There were times when this struggle was my whole life, and I was indeed clean, but at the great of expense of basically everything else in my life. I often need to remind myself, that while I want to grow in this area, most human beings slip up in this area from time to time, so in all probability so will I, and that's OK  Thanks for sharing this!

After what seemed like a long day, BH I made it through. There were a couple of battles, but the precedent that was set last night was 
1. that I don't need porn
2. i'm am NOT going to watch porn

It was still difficult, but after spending time on the GYE forum I got a bit more on track. 
Something I can work on is trying not to stay up late on my computer, which is something Ill have in mind tonight.

Working with my Rebbe, he said he thinks it would be helpful for me to start visualizing the trigger (not when I'm lusting, but what leads me to do that), and try to see what a healthy reaction to that would be. Also, I thought that maybe I was putting too much emphasis on the struggle, and as a result of that I am a bit more stressed, but he responded that I'm in withdrawal, of course I'm stressed. It's going to continue to be a lot of effort, because what I'm trying to break is an addiction, and it will not come easy in any way shape and form. The visualizations that I practice will hopefully make that "in the moment" much easier. 

Although I'm committed to working hard on this... I also have to know that when I commit, Im just committing for TODAY (thats all I have control over).

Amazing. Really really amazing.
I love your commitment. Really amazing.
Can you explain a little by what was meant by 'visualising the trigger'? 

starting wrote on 29 Apr 2020 14:15:

Pretty much there are two main factors that can help one fight "in the moment". 
1Physically
2Mentally

Physical preventatives are outside sources like Taphsic, having a partner or Rebbe, using the Forum and such
             Visualizing this would mean looking at ways in which I have fallen before, and making physical outside preparations to help myself when I may not be thinking strait (which is not a good time to make decisions), so I make them before
This requires me to look back and "visualize" previous things that either led me to, or contributed in me falling.

Working on it mentally is a bit more of an inside job, instead of treating the symptoms, I am preventing the virus from the Get-Go.
             Visualizing here would be to imagine (not fantasize or lust of course) what feelings would lead to a fall (ie. boredom, loneliness, stressed) and practice how I can respond and react emotionally when those thoughts and feelings come up

For example: I know if I feel lonely that is a trigger, but I don't know when it's coming. So ill PHYSICALLY prepare with Taphsic and partner, a filter (thats a given), or trying to go outside for a walk when I feel something brewing. But as Im doing those things (and especially before that), I can look inside and think "why do I feel lonely" and answer that probably because my childhood has led me to want to start my own family, and ask "will watching porn help that?" and answer "no".

It may seem simple, but if you try to find a response for each feeling, it can amass to a lot. You can go as broad as possible (i.e. I'm a human being, and human beings get bored sometimes) or even personal (i.e.. my day was completely off schedule) This is of course not to be turned into an excuse (I'm lonely, so therefore it is ok that I'm using this because I've been through a lot, or "its normal").I cannot stress that enough.

The more you flex your mental muscles and physical strength, the stronger they get. So every time I try this there is always some form of benefit, and of course will help me accomplish the goal of not falling.

I may not have explained this so well, so if you or anyone wants me to rephrase something please let me know. Thanks for the question, every response gives me a lot of Chizuk;)!!

...And thats the end of my first streak since I've been back. I kept on pushing and pushing, but eventually I ended up Masterbating 4 times, and watching porn 3 times. What was interesting is that when I decided that I was going to fall, it seemed like it was a conscious decision (even though a difficult one), which is BIG PROGRESS. This is because that it used to feel like it's hopeless, but now, I am in the front seat (not the drivers seat yet), but I did show much more control than before.

Also, over the streak in general, I showed a lot of self control. It was extremely difficult for the past 2 days, and it led to it falling today.



What I am going to do differently

1. Finally stop pushing off the taphsic method

2. Actually start fortify

3. Not look at triggering images on google images (even with safe search)

4. Make more of a set schedule (with a nice amount of breaks so I don't over do it)

5. Write a sticky not on my computer, as a reminder for what I am fighting for, and to be careful about triggering content

6. Be more strict of when I type in the code for parental control locks (stick notes)

         -Try not to ALLOW websites so easily and right away

         -At 11:15 turn off my computer, DO NOT allow time extension

7. Maybe if I am jittery with energy, consider going for a run/walk as a relevant option and not just sit there

8. If I do end up leading into a fall, limit the amount I masterbate and Finnish, as well as looking at less explicit material (ideally one time at a non-explicit image) -(Ideally ideally not at all:))



What I will continue doing

1. Being proud of each success, and seeing that I have made A LOT of progress from where I was

2. Keep up on the GYE forum and reading/listening to Chizuk emails/boost

3. Playing guitar and taking break in my hobby

4. Meditating

5. Keeping "one day at a time", and "I can only control today"

6. Continue to not use youtube

7. Generally only do my web searching on my filtered computer

8. Working on Mental health once a week

9. NO DEVICES IN MY ROOM (thats my "safe space")

10. "Az Be Normal" as my Rebbe says, don't be so crazy strict on myself all the time, be precautions, but not crazy



This is what I count as a SUCCESSFUL STREAK, and a lot of progress BH.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU FALL OFF THE HORSE, ALWAYS GET RIGHT BACK ON!!"



​Lechayim, to another successful streak.

16 HOURSE 23+ MINUTES CLEAN SINCE MY LAST FALL. (every second counts)

Focusing on what I did right, and going to set myself up for technical success.
I have a good feeling about this time.

HATZLACHA and A GREAT SHABBOS TO ALL!!

yosef10 wrote on 29 Apr 2020 01:05:


Good catch.

A breakthrough for me was understanding that I can't afford these small doses of the drug either.  It's like an alcoholic who is "committed" to sobriety, but takes a small sip of his favorite drink now and then.  It feeds the inner addict, and ultimately leads to the next fall.  These little peeks, or even fantasies, add fuel to keep the fire of addiction alive and well, ready to flare up when conditions are ripe.

I also find it helpful to bring Hashem into the battle.  If I need to go online, or somewhere there will be potential for triggers, I ask Him to help me keep my eyes clean.  If I feel my mind is starting to be taken over by lustful thoughts or the desire to fall, I ask Him to take it from me.  I verbally surrender the lust to Him.

Have a great, clean day.

One of the stories at the back of the big book I like, his therapist challenges him to go a day without drinking, and he did do it, and told her all the crazy strategies and insane things he needed to do to make it through. The therapist told him to the extent of "If you need to control it, then it's obviously out of control".

Just my thought on if I have to strategize and focus on something for a large, disproportionate chunk of the day, there might be something a little more sinister under the surface.

yosef10 wrote on 01 May 2020 17:11:

Love these boundaries and love the attitude! 
KUTGW BRO!!!