Jj123 wrote on 26 Jul 2020 03:27:

I also recently implemented the Taphsic method.  So far so good.  Did you listen to the 40 min shiur on it by Yaakov (founder of GYE)?  He explains it very well and answers some of your questions.  As it relates to #2, it was successful, because what it means, is you were able to hold out for a period of time and train yourself to not give in right away.  Thats building the "spiritual muscles".  However, if it keeps happening, then maybe you need to reevaluate the knas and the deterrent. 

17 is gemaria "tov". In sforim it refers to being kosher in these issues as "tov". Keep it up, and don't get fazed by some withdrawal which is normal and to be expected. Exercise helps a lot, as well as having an accountability partner to reach out to.

Yesterday/this morning was pretty bad. Kinda in that grey area between slip and fall even with my definition. I think my motivation is really down so that's no good. I think their is a connection between motivation and doing well, which leads to a spiral, for better or worse.
Anyhow today I rlly exercised for the first time in a while and it helps. Hopefully I'll still feel that later tonight. 
I'll try and post again tomorrow.

23 days into this streak.
I feel like I'm in that limbo I wrote about in the Tisha bav post. I done the cost benefit analysis, read up etc, but I still feel trapped in the middle ground of wanting and not wanting to leave it behind. In a way I'm more motivated to not be stuck here than to be clean. I try to be a religious jew and don't plan on leaving that behind any time soon. If I take that as a given, it's a choice between a life with cognitive dissonance in this area, vs one without. I wish I had purer motivations, but at thi point I just don't. Meaning I want to stop not because it is assur per se, but because living as a Jew while being involved in this is a recipe for unwarranted pain, and not living asa Jew is just not an option.
It's kinda warped, but if I'm being honest with myself it's where I'm at.

In a more lemaysa note, this week I hope to keep a more structured schedule which iyH will lead me to more productivity which always is a boost.

Thanks for the support yall

I am curious if what you write about is the exact answer to your question. Maybe the answer is to try to work on "purer" motivations like gratitude for example. I don't want to preach, nor do I want to say that I know exactly what you are going through but for me this was a game changer when I was going through this stage. I hit a lull and just was not in the mood, unmotivated and working on growing in other areas really helped boost me.
The most important one, I think, is working on gratitude. When you are grateful you are automatically motivated to do the will of the person you are grateful towards. The Chovos Halevavos (sha'ar avodas haelokim) says that this should be one of your prime motivators (along with the feeling of debt to G-D) in the service of Hashem. This is also true in any relationship. You can even read through it, it's fascinating.

Just an idea.

All the best,
wilnevergiveup

Just adding to what willnevergiveup suggested. When the goal is to "not do bad" then the motivation can get low. If you create an "I want to do good mentality" it's a game changer. 

Learning to cherish the positive and not just to despise the negative will give you a new motivation and appreciation.

Work on your connection with Hashem. Small steps. Kavanah by one beracha in shemona esrei. A page of mesilas yesharim daily. Asher yatzar properly etc. All these will foster a deeper relationship and allow you to appreciate staying clean in a fresh light.

                                 Grant

Hi Jj123,

Just to add to what the guys above me are saying - I heard the Shaarei Tehuva writes the way to leave cheit is to add a little bit of yiraas shemayim each day. Not necessarily the fact its asur, rather the motivation is 'I want to be close to Hashem'. You write "not living as a jew is just not an option." I don't know if you mean because of your societal pressure, (e.g. your family would kill you and feed you to the dogs,) or because you yourself know that to be a goy and have no purpose in life besides for self satisfaction, is really no life at all. But to be a yid, is really pretty awesome. If its the latter, thats already a solid motivation.

All the best

I like to think that in addition to societal pressures etc, the reason I don't view it as an option is because it's the truth.
Also, even if I weren't frum Id like to think id still put in the effort to stop and better my life.
A life without cognitive dissonance in this area can still be sad...

You guys are right that this has to be tackled more holistically. I think someone once asked the chazon ish about which middos he should work on, and he replied that working on oneself is like lifting a stick. Wherever you hold it and pick it up from, the rest also gets lifted up. I think I'm finally understanding that story.

Thanks for the responses 

This is something that everyone says, but taking care of myself physically really helps. Excersice, moderated eating, sleeping enough, clean living space.
I think when we are down in ourselves we end up neglecting ourselves.
And when we take care of ourselves, we feel energized physically and emotionally.
Very related to the Chazon ish mashal from previous post...

Jj123 wrote on 11 Aug 2020 20:39:

Agree.  I recently took up jogging.  Helps burn away tension and create that positive energy. 

Just something super interesting. I know everyone says exercise helps but for me after exercise my sexual tension increases tenfold. Weird. 

Grant400 wrote on 11 Aug 2020 20:56:

Well the forums would be pretty boring if everyone was the same...

Meyer M. wrote on 12 Aug 2020 00:51:

Glad to be of service!  

Grant400 wrote on 11 Aug 2020 20:56:

For me exercise doesn't necessarily help with lust but it really helps with tension and stress which can be a huge trigger.

Similar to what you are saying, I try to excersice because it keeps me in good spirits and energized. I'd say that's worthwhile independent of any gye considerations (not that they don't exist).