שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 29 Oct 2020 13:12:

Is this still open for debate, or this is your final decision? 

Day #55.

@Striving to be good
I have known the following all along, but even more so since I joined GYE back in January. The issue bigger than pornography and masturbation that I face, is my near dependence on being in front of the computer screen. I have started to cut back and replace screen time with other more productive pursuits. My limiting posting to once every five days is about staying away from the computer and not because I have graduated to some new level of the GYE struggle. Thanks for the support!

Day #60

To all who are reading:
This would not be possible without my web filtering software on my phone and computer. Getting a filter is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of empowerment. I made a choice to only allow appropriate materials on my devices. We can all make that choice!

I wish everyone would realize the self control it takes to get a filter! Good for you! 

Maybe we can start a filter movement and call it Guard Your Eyes...Oh wait...

Day #65.

I had to draw on inner strength and willpower that I didn't know I had on Monday against a strong urge. B'ezras Hashem I came out unscathed.

I have significantly altered my Internet usage. I started this week what I call, "intentional Internet use." The idea is that I use the Internet as a tool. For better or for worse, I am in front of a computer screen for most of the day. I have found that I was--out of force of habit--clicking on and searching through familiar websites just because. For no reason. And then once I started, I would continue for tens of minutes if not more. It has adversely impacted my productivity, but it also leads to boredom and urges. Since Tuesday, the day after the major urge, I--so far successfully--only use the Internet intentionally. If I want to look something up, see something, etc. then I do, but it has to be a decision that I make. I am not allowed to interrupt my work with force of habit clicking. I haven't had an urge since (of course, I know that urges happen for all different reasons and I need to keep my guard up, but the fact is that this is working for me right now).

@Realestatemogul
Filters are a must have. I have had filtered Internet on my devices for eight years. The problem has been access to other unfiltered devices, weaknesses in my filters, and urges that don't have anything to do with the Internet. Some of our fellow GYE users are ashamed of having to install a filter. As if they are so far gone that they can't even control themselves on the Internet. I say, on the contrary, a filter is an act of empowerment, self-control, and reason.

Day #70.

I really like that idea of "intentional internet use!" It is a really great way to focus on the reason you are using it as a tool and not get distracted by things that can be dangerous. You don't pick up an knife or an axe and start swinging it wildy - you only pick it up after you thought about what you were gonna do with it. 

 I am going to try to incorporate that in my life! Thank you for sharing! 

Day #75.

As I approach 90 days and my longest GYE streak of 88 days, I really have no feelings one way or another. The fact is that in my short time at GYE, I have progressively given pornography and masturbation so much less weight in my life. They are much less of an option.

I found myself thinking about looking at pornography once or twice over the last few days and saying to myself, "Nah! Not worth it." But the inner voice saying that to me was not panicked, but rather calm and composed.

Pornography is simply another one of the many things in my life that I choose not to do. I don't have to explain it to myself. I don't have to question the motives of those in the adult entertainment business. I don't have to label them as evil. It is so much more basic. I'm just not going to do it. That is a big shift for me. Greater than any day count.

This is true recovery - rewiring the brain. It's not about number of days, it's about how we think.

Day #80.

Gut voch!

Day #85.

Day #90.

First and foremost, I publicly acknowledge Hashem. Hashem has given me chance after chance after chance to mend my ways. Indeed, it is also Hashem who has given me the wherewithal, the passion and the motivation to change. I bow my head before the Ribbono Shel Olam. Please forgive me. Thank You and I love You.

I want to express my thanks to the GYE community. Thank you for "thanking" my posts, replying, and giving me chizuk with your posts. You have helped me to take away the shame and normalize the struggle. You have helped me to no longer see my struggle as an overwhelming crisis, but rather as a difficult but manageable issue.

How did I do it?
1. I have GenTech Solutions installed on all of my personal devices.
2. My wife's unfiltered devices are password protected and I don't know the password.
3. I have unlocked enough on my own devices that I never have any need to use her devices.
4. I have used the GYE My 90 Day Count.
5. I have posted on this forum.

Going Forward
1. I will stay the course.
2. I will continue to be careful about using filtered devices only.
3. I will continue to post on this forum.
4. I will decrease activities that are less productive and less meaningful and increase activities that are more productive and more meaningful.

MAZAL TOV ON 90 DAYS!!!!!

CONGRATS!!!

You aren't just someone who has reached 90 days, but you are rather a person who has grown and built a skill that you will be able to use going foward! 

Keep up the great work and being an inspiration! 

Day #100.