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A new experience - lust free sobriety
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: A new experience - lust free sobriety 4947 Views

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 04 Feb 2020 04:31 #347128

  • Realestatemogul
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Thinking of you!! I hope all is well!

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 05 Feb 2020 09:48 #347156

  • pickamoniker
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Hi REM

Thanks for your message. It has been an especially hard few days and I could barely sleep last night. It feels like I am barely pulling through. Focusing on 5 months on Shabbos.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 05 Feb 2020 14:11 #347163

  • Dave M
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It is so unbelievable following your journey and seeing how you keep preserving despite the incredible challenges you are going through. 

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 06 Feb 2020 15:00 #347191

  • pickamoniker
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Thanks Dave

Feeling really down today. My wife is ever so slowly creeping towards actually implementing our divorce. She has made an appointment with a family member who is also a child psychologist to discuss arrangements for the children and how we will tell them. She also sent an email to a rav we have been dealing with over the years stating very emphatically that divorce is the path she has chosen. I no longer feel that I have any way to influence her decision and therefore this is going to happen whether I like it or not (hint - not).

I really feel that while she is clearly acting out of pain, she is not being fair about this. We have an otherwise very good relationship and it's not like this isn't an issue I take seriously and am / have been working on. I feel like I deserve support, compassion and empathy from her, not separation and rejection. I have had some really depressive feelings over the past months, and recently they have been getting worse once again. 

I no longer feel that lustr will make this be or even feel any better, so that's one positive right now, but I am feeling a lot of sadness, anger and bitterness towards my whole situation, so would not say I am in a great place.

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 07 Feb 2020 05:24 #347216

  • Realestatemogul
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Hi Pickamoniker,

I was getting nervous about you and am thrilled to hear from you again! I am sorry that things are still status quo, but am very happy that you are still clean. Hashem gives everyone different challenges and I have no doubt there is a huge smile from Hashem for the way you are facing yours right now.

Depression is probably the biggest challenge Hashem gives us. It always seems like that isn't a challenge and maybe its not even in our control, but the reality is that it is in our control to try and stay positive and have emunah.

One time in my life, I was extremely depressed. I won't go into the details, but I was pretty much lying on the coach in a horrific mood for about a week. I literally wouldn't do anything productive and refused to smile. I spoke to therapists, rabbeim, and friends, but no one was really able to help...it was a very sad time in my life....

Then I realized that I was the only one who actually had the ability to help my situation. It was possibly the single most significant moment of my life. I realized that if I wanted my life to be better I had to make it better. My situation was what Hashem wanted, but it was up to me to make it better. I literally made a chart of the weeks in the month and hung it up. My goal...was to just be positive for atleast 50% of the day. I knew I was sad, but I had to atleast try to not let it overshadow my life. I checked off every day that I was positive most of the day and within a week I was back to myself.

What I realized that day is the same thing that enables me to come on to GYE and successfully count days (and sometimes fall and get back up and count again). I realized that Hashem gives us challenges and that's okay. I realized that we are the only ones who can actually conquer those challenges. Other people can help guide us or give us chizzuk, but ultimately it is our life and we can live it or destroy it. I realized that if we are doing our best we have every reason to be proud. I realized that we should judge ourselves by ourselves and not by other people. I realized that Hashem loves us and that knowing that is as much an attitude as it is a fact. I also realized that the sooner I accept my situation, the sooner I can make it better. While I was in denial, I was a depressed coach potato. As soon as I accepted my reality, I was able to find the good in Hashem's plan and keep making my life the most incredible gift Hashem gave me. 

We are all here for you and I hope you are able to get through this challenge and find true happiness. Please keep in touch and stay strong so you can continue to inspire all of us! 

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 19 Feb 2020 14:23 #347420

  • Snowflake
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Hey Pickamoniker,

How are you doing? Are you alright?
I know this is not very related to GYE and sorry for barging in but I too was on the brink of divorce, and couple's therapy, with a frum Therapist has done us wonders. It has saved our marriage. I think you have a right to demand that. Like a last shot or something. Perhaps try talking to her and the Rav and discussing that alternative. Usually the rebbeim will also be against the get if everything has not been tried yet. In your case, you're doing an amazing job, it's not like you don't care about your problem. It's really not fair.
Once more, I and I think all members here are in awe, for the tremendous nissayon you're going through and holding it together. You're an inspiration to us! Again, sorry for barging in but certainly things would be easier for you if you weren't going through this situation.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 19 Feb 2020 19:16 #347423

  • Changing
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Hi Pickamoniker,
You are a true inspiration! My heart is with you!

Re: A new experience - lust free sobriety 20 Feb 2020 01:56 #347437

Hi Pickamonicker,

You should just know that its in your zechus that I am holding everything together despite difficult challenges. Your staying clean despite your situation is a tremendous Mechayev to many of us at GYE. So Pickamoniker we need you to keep it up bec at this point you're carrying us all!!!
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